lots of angles addressed in this poem...i read some of the comments on flow and see how it seems so jagged ... there are many points vying for attention .. and the language switches back and forth form a very colloquial style to more classic ..such as "partake" of the flesh and the exodus in bed .. especially that being the condition held for your protagonist to allow a lover into his heart .. very conflicting ... and "mote" ... for me these change ups really make me think...and read again ... i like your closing two lines especially ...such great pain ... no matter how small it may seem to others is the way i take that ... obviously this poem hooked me ;) it is very different
E.
i love this, out of all honesty you could improve on the flow of the poem, maybe even add more difficult words to make it more interesting or change some words. other than that, It is a great poem and i want to see more.
lots of angles addressed in this poem...i read some of the comments on flow and see how it seems so jagged ... there are many points vying for attention .. and the language switches back and forth form a very colloquial style to more classic ..such as "partake" of the flesh and the exodus in bed .. especially that being the condition held for your protagonist to allow a lover into his heart .. very conflicting ... and "mote" ... for me these change ups really make me think...and read again ... i like your closing two lines especially ...such great pain ... no matter how small it may seem to others is the way i take that ... obviously this poem hooked me ;) it is very different
E.
I love it. Very relatable. I feel your pain. The one thing I would say, is to improve the flow of the poem. It seems kind of crammed. Try to separate them, try to make it as you're telling a story. Try to slow it down, piece by piece. However, otherwise it's very good. Enjoyed it.
I can relate to this poem. I have threw away so many things for someone I though I loved but in reality it wasn't meant to be. Great poem :)
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
I'm just the opposite. I had someone who was meant to be and threw away love for other things...ther.. read moreI'm just the opposite. I had someone who was meant to be and threw away love for other things...there's one secret.
7 Years Ago
Oh. I'm sorry. I've been through many relationships that they either didn't care for me so much or w.. read moreOh. I'm sorry. I've been through many relationships that they either didn't care for me so much or wanted more out of me.
Wow wow wow!! I felt your words in my soul! I too can relate to this poem. I am a sucker for love just as much as I am a stubborn lover who never wants to let go!!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
Thank you Benita, I'm glad that you could relate and that you had enjoyed it. I once was like you an.. read moreThank you Benita, I'm glad that you could relate and that you had enjoyed it. I once was like you and I'm trying to find my way back...
Why. Thanks for asking love. I'm give jus . Busy. With day to day. Is all. Yourself??
7 Years Ago
Well thank you for taking time to step out of your busy life to visit me. I am blessed to be here as.. read moreWell thank you for taking time to step out of your busy life to visit me. I am blessed to be here as always.
7 Years Ago
i can understand that all to well at least you see the blessing some take the .. read more i can understand that all to well at least you see the blessing some take the chance to open both eyes for granted hmmm never good but blessed indeed glad to hear your well
what does the last line mean? Could thoroughly empathize with your words , that added to the beauty of my experience as usual. Simple and understood, well done