Paradise Lost

Paper hearts.

No paper clips.

Just paper cuts.

Tin cups and string nights

connected and collected

like thoughts of the

darkest and enlightened plots.

A sword to fall on; such as,

a poets lust.

Yikes!

-Was her reply.

We both believed in the power of magic.

So hungry for the knowledge to provide one another,

but we were only willing to share half of the brain.

So Divine;

yet,

tragic.

The view...

Of your soul

was solely my food.

Causing me to sleepwalk through

dewy slumbers

with nothing to remember.

Drowning...

But finally,

your heart has been unveiled

as a cloud of omens.

I mean amens.

A love cursed,

yet blessed.

I dare you to love me.

Author's Note

T.W.A
Gothpel

Reviews

[BThomvanWart]

This was very well crafted. I love the use of "a sword to fall on; such as, a posts lust." It definitely was what spoke to me from this piece. I enjoyed the flow of it and it definitely has a lot of meaning behind it.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

TO love or not...
love can be complicated and confusing--but also so beautiful.
Days of enjoyment and the newness often wears off..a love that lasts is what is desired.

[richieb]

SinNsincerity,
Your words take me through the fog of love and passionate feelings. Sparring with our lover trying to prove our worth and intent.
Epistle,
richieb.

[EssenceofDaringx]

I love a complicated love story because no love is perfect. Even with the possibility of hurt and darkness, he still wants her. So beautiful.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did like this poem.
"your heart has been unveiled
as a cloud of omens.
I mean amens.
A love cursed,
yet blessed.
I dare you to love me."
The above lines. Tempting and perfect. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Giulia King]

"The view...
Of your soul
was solely my food." Love it!

[Quinn W]

I really loved the part where you mentioned the "soul". I do believe JayG has a point though. Try using more embellished wording.

[JayG]

Add content to the wordplay and who knows.

As a personal observation, the "We were together and it was great, but now we're not," poem is the single most common poem, so it's hard to grab interest.

Another thing to keep in mind: in the end, this is you explaining a situation you find meaningful because the speaker lived the events and knows the background. But the reader doesn't, so for them it has no emotional connection or depth, just data. But make the reader fall in love and lose and they'll care—and be entertained.

[mercy party]

man, that first set of lines, WOW! and it actually stayed strong all the way. i like your style it's smooth and on point. good.

[BBP]

It was a trip through a love story between hopeless romantics. Never wanting to give in completely but wanting everything from the other one.