Rum is for Drinking not Burning

I walked the plank and stumbled into your sea of a heart.

Shackled and chained.

"Any last words?"

-She offered with disdain.

Yes, just the last you had spoken unto me.

"Rum is for drinking not burning."

Red as the sea,

The pirate’s life is the life for me.

She followed me through victory,

But you see,

She slept with one eye opened,

While I held the misfortune of possessing none.

My sight was aimed on her heart

And hers on the treasure chest.

The dismay of your betrayal

Has forced me to take my very last drink.

She has overthrown the ship

As Alexander did to Thebes.

You Thief.

F**k you!

Author's Note

Gothspel

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hello Sin in Sincerity,

Here are a few notes I made while reading. Feel free to use them or discard them as you see fit. :)

My sight was aimed [at] her heart *Was is in the passive voice. Consider using a different word.

I hope this helps.

Your poetry is so raw and passionate. Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for you suggestion Schatzi.

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved this poem my friend.
"Rum is for drinking not burning."
Red as the sea,
The pirate’s life is the life for me.
She followed me through victory,
But you see,
She slept with one eye opened,"
The above lines. So good and honest. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Coyote, I'm really glad that you did love it!

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Raylene]

Very raw and passion is amazing in this well done

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Raylene.

[Raylene]

Any time my friend

[prachi prangya agasti]

An interesting piece. Different and enjoyable.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you.

[Davidgeo]

Clever. It was an enjoyable read. Of course I have a thing for pirate themed writing so I may be biased.

And you are so right, rum is most definitely for drinking not burning. On a side note... If you live in America you can now bring real Cuban rum back from Cuba... I can't say that I've ever had authentic Cuban rum, I have a feeling it tastes a lot like American made Cuban style rum. Let me know if it's good if you ever have a chance to try some.

[sinNsincerity]

I'm more of a whiskey kind of guy...

[Davidgeo]

Find a bottle of Talisker 10 year old... damn fine whisky at a young age and the only one produced these days from the Isle of Sky. (my benchmark is Johnnie Walker Black Label, Talisker 10 blows it away)

[sinNsincerity]

Jameson...

[Davidgeo]

Decent Irish blend... for 20 bucks. Not a legitimately good whisky though. No offense.

[Johnny]

Saying very good is an understatement, I loved it! But if you made it into a story with continued form it would be stellar!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you, I appreciate it.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Wow, that ending!

It shouts out at the reader,
Nicely done in the progression.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Josie.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

:) Happy reading & writing~you are welcome~

[Vria P Crow]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Rum is my drink of choice so I was immediately drawn to the poem.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

Ultimately, I enjoyed the wit of the little narrative. I could not help but think of Pirates of the Caribbean when I read it. There is some theatrical humor that I can appreciate it. In contrast, there are undertones of bitterness; the betrayal of love. Love is a diluted emotion because it can often lead to obsession and mistrust leading to a "fatal attraction." It often repeats itself in cycles. I am sure the speaker would take back the "thief" because of irrational affection.

Subjectively, this can be placed in modern terms. Alcoholism is still a sickness which effects our relationships. Booze has different side effects and stages; giddyness, affectionate, angry, and depression. I have seen first hand how quickly a drunk can flit through potent emotions as depicted in the poem. It starts off playful with rhymes (giddyness), love affair (affectionate), depression (when the ship is overthrown), and anger (f**k you.)

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I enjoyed it and read it as an extended metaphor for unhealthy relationships. Thank you for sharing!

sincerely,
ria

[sinNsincerity]

Cheers RIa! Pirates of the Caribbean was not what inspired me to write this, but I can see why people think so. I thought of writing this after reading Treasure Island.
I do agree with you when you speak on how love can lead to obsession and mistrust. I have been guilty of that myself. As well as alcoholism being a sickness, my mother is an alcoholic and seen its demons all my life. I have written short stories about it.
Thank so much for reading and most importantly leaving me your thoughts, I highly appreciate that!

[Vria P Crow]

You are very welcome. :D

[E G TEN]

To be honest I'm quite impressed of Alexander's
achievements. Always a ride reading you my friend.
Very cool' EG

[sinNsincerity]

As am I, thank you Sir!

[Tabby Mac]

This piece is very clever and fun to read! Good use of imagery too! I have enjoyed it!!
My favorite part was the:
She slept with one eye opened,
While I held the misfortune of only possessing one.
It made me chuckle!

[sinNsincerity]

I'm more than glad that it did bring a chuckle and that you had enjoyed it Tabby!

[Tessa Melendez]

Interesting bit of a story. Wonder where the inspiration came from?

[sinNsincerity]

from my personal relationship with a woman.

[Tessa Melendez]

Oh understandable. That's what I thought

[Tessa Melendez]

Oh understandable. That's what I thought