Rum is for Drinking not Burning

I walked the plank and stumbled into your sea of a heart.

Shackled and chained.

"Any last words?"

-She offered with disdain.

Yes, just the last you had spoken unto me.

"Rum is for drinking not burning."

Red as the sea,

The pirate’s life is the life for me.

She followed me through victory,

But you see,

She slept with one eye opened,

While I held the misfortune of possessing none.

My sight was aimed on her heart

And hers on the treasure chest.

The dismay of your betrayal

Has forced me to take my very last drink.

She has overthrown the ship

As Alexander did to Thebes.

You Thief.

F**k you!

Author's Note

Gothspel

Reviews

[Schatzi]

Hello Sin in Sincerity,

Here are a few notes I made while reading. Feel free to use them or discard them as you see fit. :)

My sight was aimed [at] her heart *Was is in the passive voice. Consider using a different word.

I hope this helps.

Your poetry is so raw and passionate. Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for you suggestion Schatzi.

[Chris Shaw]

"My sight was aimed on her heart
And hers on the treasure chest"

that tells your reader a great deal

Chris

[sinNsincerity]

My heart rest inside of my chest. Just wasn't the one for her...

[Chris Shaw]

Sad for you. Her loss I say.

[sinNsincerity]

And why do you say that?

[Chris Shaw]

"My sight was aimed on her heart", that is what you said.That makes this reader think that you wanted her, and you didn't get what you wanted.

[sinNsincerity]

But why did the reader think it was "her" loss?

[Chris Shaw]

Turning down the excitement of a life with a Pirate lol

[sinNsincerity]

Will you turn down the excitement?

[Chris Shaw]

Got to go. Interesting chatting to you. have a good day.

[sinNsincerity]

Bullocks...
interesting indeed.
Good day to you Christine.

[Kathryn Smith]

haha that f**k you at the end had me going. XD

Wonderfully written! :) Raw and real at it's best.

[sinNsincerity]

hehe, I'm glad to hear that Kathryn.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, I enjoyed this from start to finish. You're a very clever writer :) and I loved the twist at the end I did not expect that at all. Great read. Izzy

[sinNsincerity]

My pleasure Island Hippy.

[Tashida]

Uhm wow! What a dark turn! I love it :) Once again, another great read. It was a pleasure.

[sinNsincerity]

The pleasure is all mine.

[Rachel Richardson]

This ended differently than I expected...and I loved it. I laughed out loud at the last line.
May all of our last words ring as true
As a good old-fashioned "F**K YOU!"
You're very clever!!! I loved it. I believe I said that already... >.

[sinNsincerity]

I'm more that glad that you did Rachel. Especially that it made you laugh. That makes it all worth it.

[Flower]

I love the ending, particularly. I'm not too well acquainted with poetry but I enjoyed this very much. I personally would have enjoyed a description of the setting or just little details of the characters, but again, I'm not very informed about what constitutes good poetry.

[richieb]

Enjoyed the energy and creativity of your work. A lot said in a short amount of words. No pushing or shoving just getting it done.
Richie b.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Richie, I highly appreciate that. I do my best to stay sharp and to add new things each time.

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

That opening line made it for me. I adore you for creating such a masterpiece. I am left picking up my jaw on this one! One of my favorites for sure

[sinNsincerity]

Did it really!? Thank you Crystal, I really appreciate that and it means so much to hear.

[Sarah]

I envision Johnny Depp for some reason after reading this. Good imagery.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Sarah hehe

[Nessly]

Your writing is so raw and real here. Nicely done. :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you, I appreciate that Nessly?