If I Tell you

Toss me all of your secrets.
Can't you tell?
I have yet to spew out
One truth to you.
Cut open my brain,
You'll never find the memories,
But I'll always remember.
Vague and distant;
Yet,
I can recall it all in an instant.
The bottomless pit!
You couldn't find God,
So you prayed your
Acceptance into my heart.
Shhh...
I won't say what you did with your lips.
How about your hips?
How about???

Reviews

[CAPOLAVORO]

I got interested in the title and have some thoughts in my mind already. Somehow, the exceeded my expectation, this one I must say is short but not simple. It does not require too much thinking yet emotions are intact in the words.

"Shhh...
I won't say what you did with your lips.
How about your hips?
How about???"
This is the part where everything seemed to fall exactly the way you want it to be. The rhyme did not made it. The secret behind did. All in all, weel done. :)

Good poem for romance.

-Capolavoro

[sinNsincerity]

Shhhhhhh...

[AE]

I really like how everything gradually falls into place. I would say I especially liked everything from "You couldn't find God" down, but that'd be lying. I liked it all. Great work.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much AE, and I love that line, so I'm glad that it stood out to you.

[annalysiar]

Great flow. Your writing skills amazing

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you, I guess all the time I spend alone helps hehe

[annalysiar]

Lol does it also help the spirits aide you in your keen sense of awareness??😉
Lol but on a serious note solitude helps one in finding one's self and being in tune with the world around tbem. Is amazing

[sinNsincerity]

The spirits are the ones keeping me hostage in this solitude.
It really is amazing, but I think I'm becoming detached from people. It's like the more I'm learning and reading books, there's not much in common anymore...

[annalysiar]

Can I ask: what do you like to learn most??
One thing I can say is: knowledge is something that is intimidating to a race who has become detached to harsh reality.
It's a matter of prespective to me as one has to have an open mind to learn new things. One can learn as much as they can teach

[sinNsincerity]

I'm into philosophy and magical realism.
I wouldn't say that I have become detached from reality. I would say I'm very in tuned with reality, but I also believe there is so much more going on in the world, universe, and beyond the firmament than we are told and I just want to know...
Indeed I do and always have had an open mind, but God reminds me to stay sane enough so that my brain doesn't spew out haha

[annalysiar]

Wow i tbink were going to be grest friends. I enjoy philosopjy and psychology myself. Im not too sure about magicsl realsim, whst does thst entail.
And being intune is wsht intimidates those who arent.
Ive always thoight along the same lines as you thst there is more than we are told

[sinNsincerity]

We're a;ready great friends. Get used to it hehe
I have yet to fully dabble with psychology. Just a tad bit, when I took child development and a sociology class.
Magical realism is an aesthetic used in writing that Latin writers used a lot a few decades ago. It's a literary genre or style associated especially with Latin America that incorporates fantastic or mythical elements into otherwise realistic fiction.

[annalysiar]

Oooh i think my writing does that...would you beable to tell from reading it?? If so can you read one of my peoms and tell me??
And i ageee with your idea. But theres no need to get used to someone who is on the same wavelength as you😉
On top of that i enjoy sociology, but im lame and i havr a taste for history, criminology, and mythology

[sinNsincerity]

Sure send me the poems you would like me to read.
That's not lame, very interesting I must say. History is always awesome because I believe the present is a reflection of the past and it can tell so much about what the future holds.
I took a criminology class in high school and I couldn't look at the dead bodies. Too much!
And I'll be taking Mythology Lit. next spring.

[annalysiar]

Ooh fun... mytholigy is amazing. And criminology...i like to profile. I believe papers only say so much alot of home tricks doctors know i cam do as well😉 but yes ill send tbem

[Elizabeth J. Gelinger]

A poetry that seems disconnected at first but as you read it more carefully, everything comes together nicely and wittily. A very nice piece of writing.

[sinNsincerity]

Ah, superb!

[Valentine]

A bit hard for this older person to grasp..sorry. Valentine

[Tessa Melendez]

Another beautiful piece, friend. I love the figurative language. It adds a taste of drama to the piece. Not sure I catch the message, but I know I will if I think a little bit. Sounds like something I would've written, at least a little bit like one, if I had the time to write a bit more these days. Great Job.

[Tionge Rosalie Johnson]

I have to admit, I had to re-read some parts to try and get a sense of it, but that is the beauty of poetry! Sometimes there isn't a clear answer (like a lot of Shakespeare's sonnets tend to have tons of mystery and a lot of questions). Though, I would watch out for the last sentence, ending with "how about??" sounds kind of unfinished. I understand the aesthetic part of the ending, but if you take out "how about??" the poem still has the same message and sounds a bit more finished. I hope that made sense and was helpful. Overall, I loved the concept and I enjoy the diction you use in your poetry, keep writing!

[I Am Svetlana]

Reading this, it had a chilling sense of mystery to it...but overall, it was a beautiful write. I valued the sense of trust, the thought of opening yourself up (emotions & all) to another and hoping they'll accept your & your flaws with open arms. Everyone has their skeletons & secrets that which we keep within ourselves, but building trust in another takes a lot of courage. Oh, the thought of being so daring...

[Marian Elizabeth]

I will second some of the comments below. It is quite vague. Why would she not find the memories if you just claimed you will remember forever? You are contradicting yourself in the poem. Also, the fact that it embeds religion automatically makes me uninterested :) especially because I do not understand what finding God and having sex have to do with each other. You are either claiming you are equivalent to God in her eyes or that she doesnt know what the hell is going on with herself. Anyway, I do not feel the connection.
You asked me to review. Keep it up and good luck.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

Somewhat vague in sections of this one...
maybe--add some detail to it in a revision...
Too many question marks to validate it.