Gothic Love Spit

Are you ready???

Her sunflower mouth

Sprout and sprang,

And with that,

Insanity sang.

And here I came,

Chasing dementia...

A madness that yawned

Proudly and stout.

Portly corpulent

When weighing in

On our clout...

Lost in thought?

No doubt.

But captivated in your trot.

Tip toeing through your

Hopscotch of a plot.

I was getting closer to your warmth,

But then I forgot...

You're my heart’s bandage,

But I'm sorry love,

I'm the making love bandit.

But you love this...

Can you handle this

Eternal bondage?

Reviews

[ranscan]

There is a grand dance here, the tempering of the words used in the imagery is quite fine at times.
This has some good bones, and the intensity shows through.
The rhymes are a challenge, either they need to find a scheme both you and they can live with, or free them from this work.
Her sunflower mouth sprout and sprang, is an incredible success, and a powerful way to begin this piece. Proudly and stout portly corpulent, seems weak in its repetition of thought.
Though eternal bondage is an interesting way to end the piece, the three lines before it could be more robust, and "the making love bandit" is too 70's pop music cute to stand proud next to some of the excellent creations you have placed here.

[sinNsincerity]

I do that with with the rhymes to f**k with people's minds. Readers will get sucked it to it and once it breaks, they go, "wait, what the hell just happened?" So you pointing that out means I did what I sought out to do. Our minds; themselves, can moving on so smoothly and then something always seems to interrupt that flow of consciousness.

[Ana B.]

This one made me smile for some reason. Lovely ballads under the night's blanket dear author :)

[sinNsincerity]

Always such a pleasure Ana, I am so glad that it did make you smile. Always a plus!

[annalysiar]

I think this one is my favorite. This built up rather nicely I especially love that last line: "can you handle this Eternal Bondage?" I enjoyed how you worded it, making eternal bondage as a title.

[sinNsincerity]

Aye, that's so awesome to hear!

[annalysiar]

I am more than happy to oblige

[Valentine]

I see your comment below and commend you for part of it. Why write like every one else, who knows you might develop a style that others want to copy. Valentine

[Deandra Dawn]

You sucked me in and took over. I appreciated this from start to finish.

[Double T]

This is a good read and it is well written. But my main critique is the title called Gothic Love Spirit. Are they any gothic elements in this poem.

[T. Edana Talbott]

This was so awesome, I love your poems. SO glad I subscribed to you.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Edana

[NeuroVersifier]

Holy s**t, this is good. Thanks for the pleasant surprise. Much of what I read on writerscafe is not so good. (Yes, I may be an a*****e, but at least I'm an honest one.) So, good work here, honestly.

[sinNsincerity]

Hahah love your reaction. Honesty is key and if anyone would ever say they have never been an a*****e is full of it.
I appreciate you thoughts!

[NeuroVersifier]

Agreed. Glad to hear.

[EssenceofDaringx]

I appreciate the titillating nature of this piece ;)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you, I appreciate that!

[Lord of mad men]

This is a wonderful piece. You did a great job.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you!