Wow like how you state the narrator know she loves him but he can don't have her till he is down which make him wish to write more so it takes I'm further from bwing done and from her. This is very powerful. He wishes to love her but only knows of one way. That way he know just can not be done for some reason unknown to the reader. He wishes to find a different way for the love he has is forbade by that reason. It is a iner struggle between ones desires and what one can have. He wishestablished to love her but doestrogen not know how. So you both yore for each other but something or someone is keeping you apart. And you wish for that to end which means time is standing in your way. But you can wait but you do not wish to wait. I to know this feeling it has past now I may love the one I crave but that's because time passed. So you to will be able to love the one who you so dearly love if you have not already. I love how you used words that have a deep feel to them. This was a wonderful read. I loved it so much. Keep on working to gain your love and writing. Thank you for sharing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
It is the timing and I'm glad to hear you and your beloved have been able to hold on to that love. T.. read moreIt is the timing and I'm glad to hear you and your beloved have been able to hold on to that love. The woman I speak on, we have been knowing each other for eight years now, but we both know we are soul mates. Just patiently waiting for the timing to be right.
Your analysis was dead on.
i like the conflict in the first three lines: she loves the narrator but the narrator can't have her for some unsaid reason. that's quite a struggle, and it makes me wonder why the narrator (you i assume) can't have her yet. sounds complicated, haha. and to add to that, she knows you can't be with her yet. that's an imbroglio in the first act!
to manage the situation, the narrator says something - i interpret - like, let's see if we can redefine our relationship somehow to make this work until i can be with you, "till i'm done" which makes me wonder, done with what? done with this poem? done with feeling to another person? done with some other commitment, maybe to another person, i dunno. just adds to the complexity of the situation.
my favorite lines were between 'but i'm your toy...pedia mind' awesome writing!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
We both love each other, but timing is never on time... It's always blueshifted.
It's been ei.. read moreWe both love each other, but timing is never on time... It's always blueshifted.
It's been eight years and we still cannot get it right, but one day or lifetime we will, or maybe we are only speaking through a sting and cup...
I dunno either
It's all good, Sin :) Take your time. What's yours will be yours. I kinda dig how you say I got to get her out to let you in. You have a unique and clever poetic voice
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you Lynn, I do acknowledge that. I just get a tad bit weary sometimes and ugh...
But fa.. read moreThank you Lynn, I do acknowledge that. I just get a tad bit weary sometimes and ugh...
But faith fail me not.
Sin, you have such a clever puny way with words. This one is just another example of it. Loved the Wicca-Pedia play on words. A moving magician...of sorts. But were always morphing, changing...hopefully you find the right girl at the right time.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I missed you Jan. How have you been?
I magician with words is my devotion.
Thank you .. read moreI missed you Jan. How have you been?
I magician with words is my devotion.
Thank you Jan, always appreciated.
-David
Your poems are always kind of odd to me. But, I suppose it's the creativity woven into them that confuses me. The way you write them. I agree with Eli that it's interesting how you wrote in those lines with toy and #Hasbro. Quite a different approach to things.
Good job.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I'm an odd individual. It would be less confusing if you'd research what was confusing.
First off let me just say that I can totally relate to loving somebody but not being able to be with that person yet. Secondly, I really like these lines the most:
"But I'm your toy
#Hasbro
Ouija?
No-
Just Wicca-
Pedia mind."
They flowed really nice to me (and it's kind of funny how you related toy to Hasbro and so on).
A very creative piece indeed.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Yea, it sucks. Thank you Eli, I'm trying to be the metaphor king.
People read into it and tak.. read moreYea, it sucks. Thank you Eli, I'm trying to be the metaphor king.
People read into it and take things literal rather than thinking figuratively...
I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was my pleasure.
sometimes love is not an easy road,sometimes it hurts before it heals
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I don't believe it ever will be an easy road... I'm searching for the one who won't throw it all awa.. read moreI don't believe it ever will be an easy road... I'm searching for the one who won't throw it all away when things get bumpy when potholes are created. Women these days are so willing to throw in the towel, rather than laying some new asphalt. Everything is upside-down.
My friend you are an amazing writer going beyond structures or patterns none of that matters you have the ability to pull people into your own pace without any resistance they want to in fact they are begging you to draw them into your majestic soul thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read this it is really special.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Why thanks a bunches, I have learned traditional structure and I'm actually taking an other Shakespe.. read moreWhy thanks a bunches, I have learned traditional structure and I'm actually taking an other Shakespeare class this fall. I'm not trying to knock it, but it gets repetitive after away like missionary position and I want to give people word porn in a sense. But yes, I do want to pull people into me, not for my benefit, but so they can get pulled into themselves and take a grandeur look at life.
Thank you, and you're just as special and more.
8 Years Ago
i don't think that is the case but thank you for the compliment i have never studied poetry or anyth.. read morei don't think that is the case but thank you for the compliment i have never studied poetry or anything so i really am not one to say such things i just write what i felt and i believe it is true you really have an amazing gift and drive thanks again.
8 Years Ago
Word Porn. Give people wordgasms.
8 Years Ago
I just hope no one gets knocked up and comes to my door with a kid hehe
8 Years Ago
Hey Sin...
I am pregnant.
Totally yours.
8 Years Ago
Don't worry, I'll be a good dad.
8 Years Ago
Great. So about that free money...I mean child support xD
8 Years Ago
lmao not even waiting for paternity test sneaky sneaky wolf
8 Years Ago
I don't believe in that. It would destroy the child...