Marsh-Mellowed Moans

Your caterpillar heart finally found a way to fly away from your withins.

Wait a sex!

Sec.

You left behind your sin

Have you forgot about him?

Wait!

You forgot me...

Your dandelion's vomited sun sets,

Which spoke of yesteryears and promises of your echo.

HelloOOOOOOHelLoooooHELLOOOOo???

Hell,

She has risen to a new level.

Untouchable you are...

Must I touch myself to heed the weeping welts

Of the void that you've infra- and ultrasonically sent forth?

Unable to hear you call within this human mind,

So I'm searching the nin9 after 6ix

69

The Capricorn to my Cancer!

Force will Awaken Perfection with Patience.

Opposing forces, but we both need stability...

evol tcefrep A

                         For one another.

You needed my tru-emotions for the passion

And the passion wasn't taken lightly when

You entered my intimacy.

Balancing the thawing with the lacking warmth.

Never questioning devotion

Because we met before actuality

With different circumstances.

Unexplainable,

But why do I only find you in the deep?

You're the obsessed lunatic;

Me = the clingy housewife.

And Karmic debt must be paid before

We can be happy together.

Let's find away

To ReLive our ancient love story

And mend the broken.

That once in a lifetime love.

Bellerose,

Save me!

Author's Note

~Bellerose~

Ask what you like if your dare...

Reviews

[Marianne Rose]

Such a journey into the mind- which moves from one thing to another, word associations creating streams that sometimes herald previously unknown connections. While obscure, this is an intriguing poem that wants to be read as fast as the mind that moves from one experience to another, links not always understood but there all the same. The poem comes into an integrated thought in the last several lines. The "save me!" Is a great ending. Thank you.

[sinNsincerity]

I've learn to do that by reading and studying William Faulkner. And Although it does move from one thing to another, with the acquired knowledge, experiences, and imagination, it is all interrelated.

Thank you Marianne, I'm constantly learning new things about the mind, heart, soul, and body God has allowed me to present to you all!

[ReedWrite]

Interesting piece.
It's not comfortable reading...it grabs you and twists you into knots...keeping your attention but not allowing you to relax into the words. Nicely done.

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

I like how this feels like a stream of conscientiousness as it flows from one thought to another. Your formatting and style of writing is really interesting too, and it makes for a great read. Keep up the good work! :)

[Paul Bell]

Like original stuff. Even if it is the old time love rant.
Being a Capricorn i know how living with one can be so much fun. I think it will work out fine. Always room for scope, the Capricorn motto.

[Tabby Mac]

I had to read this a few times. A heartfelt piece for sure. CREATIVE TOO!! It sounds like a first love, that even revisited can't seem to match up the way it should. A deep pain waiting to be reconciled and made right.
I get this from 96 facing opposite directions. A perfect love turned inside out. Sounds as if she's moved on now either to another or she changed in someway with life's choices.
Either way it leads the reader (me) down a ton of rabbit holes! I could be totally off with what my mind scrambles to find, but it was enjoyable all the same. The tone; however, I felt was one of finger pointing. I think it's saying this is all your fault. You found yourself and left me and now I'm here in pain. On the other hand I need you let's try again. I know I'm "the clingy housewife" although even this I took as a bit sarcastic...an inner voice needing the very thing it resents kind of tone.
Who knows it's just where it took me. Interesting piece David! It got me thinking. Not your typical poem. I'm an open book and proud of it, but I like how your work has layers.
Well written!
Tabby

[Rynn]

"Your caterpillar heart finally found a way to fly away from your withins.
Wait a sex!
Sec." - an interesting start. I like the caterpillar heart bit. The sec/sex part reminds me of how people sometimes make mistakes while speaking. It does feel like it's setting things up to be scattered.

"You left behind your sin
Have you forgot about him?
Wait!
You forgot me..." - I don't quite know about this stanza. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be confused or figuring out what is happening here. I usually don't care for the use of exclamation points, but since this piece has a playful and kind of lighthearted tone, I think it works.

"Your dandelion's vomited sun sets,
Which spoke of yesteryears and promises of your echo." - you paint a very interesting and surreal picture here. I really like these lines.

"HelloOOOOOOHelLoooooHELLOOOOo???" - I felt this part was a bit too exaggerated. It was not only spaced incorrectly (was that intentional?) but it was difficult and distracted in its current form.

"Hell,
She has risen to a new level.
Untouchable you are..." - I like this shift in tone from playful to almost bitter. The sentence structure of the second line made me think of yoda.

"Must I touch myself to heed the weeping welts
Of the void that you've infra- and ultrasonically sent forth?" - I love the flow here. It's so winding in the way the piece is progressing - keeps me reading.

"Unable to hear you call within this human mind,
So I'm searching the nin9 after 6ix
69" - I don't understand the purpose of this stanza, perhaps to add sexuality into the mix?

"The Capricorn to my Cancer!
Force will Awaken Perfection with Patience.
Opposing forces, but we both need stability...
evol tcefrep A" - So far this poem reminds of L.A Devotee by Panic! at the Disco. An interesting play on the signs, although I have no idea why "evol tcefrep" is backwards. "Love Perfect"?

"For one another.
You needed my tru-emotions for the passion
And the passion wasn't taken lightly when
You entered my intimacy." - take a quick turn into something like a love poem. I don't know the context for a lot of the elements in this piece, such as the "tru-emotion" bit. Is it written this way for a reason? Does the spacing have intent? Is each line a separate sentence by intention?

"Balancing the thawing with the lacking warmth.
Never questioning devotion
Because we met before actuality" - I love the last line here. There is a lot of depth in the lines such as this that you've scattered around the piece. It's almost as if the narrator is playing the fool to hide some kind of real pain.


"But why do I only find you in the deep?
You're the obsessed lunatic;
Me = the clingy housewife." - Very neat lines. I like that the narrator is admitting something that is stigmatized to a point. Being clingy or considered the traditional 'house wife' has turned into something not seen as good, so admitting to it adds that touch of honesty.

"And Karmic debt must be paid before
We can be happy together." - a very interesting way of thinking about karma.

"To ReLive our ancient love story
And mend the broken.
That once in a lifetime love.
Bellerose,
Save me!" - I like that there was a passion behind the words, I think this was a very neat way of ending the piece - pleading for rescue.

Overall, I think with some aesthetic edits, you have a really interesting piece here. You have a good way with words and their deliverance. Thank you much for the read, write on.

-Rynn

[Hebe]

This is what I call a mind trip .. a great one :) Your talent shines through the twists and turns of this lovers tale... great job!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"You're the obsessed lunatic;
Me = the clingy housewife."

This was interesting. I liked how you twisted the words here making them hilarious to read.

[sinNsincerity]

Those to phrases are my favorite within the entire write hehe

[Dr. YumnaKay]

And mine too 😊

[Rimpi Saikia]

Just went through a roller coaster of feels!

[CherryEllie]

i liked it. nice word play. very interesting piece of writing :)

[Stacy Purvis]

I'm so confused. It jumps around here and there. It sounds like this girl left and is moving forward, and the other character is angry...angry if she goes, angry if she stays. Am I right?
I enjoy reading your work, thpugh, but this piece is confusing.
Are you a Cancer? So am I! June baby. :3
Cheers! xxx

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh oh this place is overflowing with Cancerians lol I'm one too haha 😊