My Cent-Say

Let's not tell it all tonight hon...

Let's save some.

We have to make this last as long as we can.

It won't last forever.

Things break easily now.

Everything is made in China.

True love is only a spark-

A white dwarf to supernova

A bee sting

A kite breaking free

It won't last forever hon,

So let's make THIS last.

Atlas

I lay your love on my back

Heart artifacts

Giving the

Future and Ancients

Heart attacks

Because they are not here.

Resting the deepness

Of secrets in the

Far end of the west

Here is where I hold you up

My Phoebe

My Lunar

My Third Eye

Reviews

[Marianne Rose]

I like the beginning- let's not tell all, make it last, as well as love laid on your back, and the expressions of love being like a spark- great visual images to communicate that. Got a little lost with the phrasing about giving the ancients heart attacks because they are not here. But back with you in the secrets, the west, holding you up . . . The simplicity of the first part - something I relate to in saving something for later- was the part that drew me in and helped me know your intent. When you move to the ancients I feel far away from you. Perhaps that is what it is like- closer-farther-closer - in those early days of discovery. Thanks for a thought-provoking read.

[sinNsincerity]

Sorry about that confusion. The love I'm describing between me and a once loved one is so great that only the two of us could comprehend it at the time being, while the outside world would not until that time was no more... placing them in a different realm in a sense.
I've been leaning a lot about juxtaposition by setting things up one way and then switching away from that to make the reader think, " what the hell is going on?" It's fun for me to make people really give some thought into what they are reading.

[Marianne Rose]

Ah, yes, I did feel it was intentional- the shift that made me stop and think- and the idea that the outside world could not grasp what you shared. Thanks for clarifying- and for the twists that had me pondering your meaning.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Aww, this is a sad write, coming straight from the heart. It is sad but often love does not last and all that we are left with are memories and pain. I like the cliche "Things break easily now, Everything is made in China

[sinNsincerity]

'Tis very sad and beautiful at the same time. Yea, I usually don't like cliche's, but I never really seen anyone put it to writing myself and I thought it would work well here. Thank you so much for reading Shabeeh, I highly appreciate you doing so!

[Shabeeh Haider]

You are most welcome. Do find time to read my poems

[Shabeeh Haider]

You are most welcome. Do find time to read my poems

[sinNsincerity]

I'll be getting to my reading soon. I have just have been so swamped with school lately. I'm an English Major and I'm currently taking four English classes. You can imagine how much reading I have from that. I don't even have time for myself anymore hehe

[Anna]

This caught my interest. You chose some delicate words for your piece. Well done.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Anna, I'm so glad you like and thought so!

[barleygirl]

This reads like the creative version of "shut up & kiss me" (an old country song). Your poem is filled with original-sounding ideas to show how it looks & feels. Your analogies are surprising. Even tho your analogies are descriptive, in some cases, they don't convey the smooth, seductive sounds & feelings of a lovey situation -- kinda harsh, actually, like the bee sting & the heart attack. These surprises are interesting & fun, but not lending to a seductive quality in the message. I'm not suggesting you change this, I'm just making observations.

[sinNsincerity]

I have yet to hear that son, but I will check it out.
Yea, I'm trying to hone different styles. I love writing beautiful poem that rhyme and flow smoothly, but lately I've been enjoying making things sublime. It's fun to make readers think really hard about what I'm saying; and most importantly, what the words make the readers feel and think.
I really enjoyed reading your review and I highly appreciate you spending the time to read my poem-it means the world to me!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Awesome.......
amazing poetry......
i loved it!!!
:)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you man, I'm really glad that you did!

[aLittlePain]

Really dope writing!
The sincerity of the ending....insanely good.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much, I try to produce nothing but dopeness. hehe

[wordman]

sounded like a sweet trip with phoebe

[sinNsincerity]

I tried to write as if I were Alas himself.

[outspoken1234]

It is really amazing. I felt what you where prorating in the feelings of the words and throughout the poem.

[sinNsincerity]

That's really awesome! I would really love to know what it made you think or feel...

[outspoken1234]

Because they are not here.
Resting the deepness
Of secrets in the
Far end of the west
Here is where I hold you up
Those where really powerful words I think it portrayed everything you where trying to get across perfectly!

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing poetry my friend.
"My Phoebe
My Lunar
My Third Eye"
The above lines. Perfect ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much Coyote, I glad that those lines worked that way!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Emily]

Loved the ending!
Keep it up!!

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Emily, I'm glad that you did.

[Shannon]

The reverence as the end, a little startling as the beginning seems a bit dismissive, (not saying that it is a bad thing, just unexpected).

[sinNsincerity]

Those were my intentions hehe I love taking readers for a ride and the tossing them out sometimes.read moreThose were my intentions hehe I love taking readers for a ride and the tossing them out sometimes.
Thank you so much for spending the time to read, I dearly appreciate that Mi.