Supermarket Heart
A Poem by sinNsincerity
Repeat Reheat Re-glance…
No pots or pans…
Just the vision of us holding hands.
No shirts or pants…
Just that smile that’ll forever relapse like the Asian-American sun dance.
It came with no receipt and there was most certainly no needs for a plastic or paper bag...
Because we came to eat!
© 2015 sinNsincerity
Featured Review
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There are some really strong lines in here i am particularly in love with the
It came with no receipt
and there was most certainly
no needs for a plastic
or paper bag...
To me that shows the limitedsness of the this relationship to be served once. Great piece, the lines of this is the part that stick out the most to me, almost an illusion, like its true meaning is just peeking out. Very nice solid work.
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
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9 Years Ago
I can't give it all away...that's for face to face convo's hehe =D
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Reviews
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The main catch for me was the first three words. Those words insisted that I scroll down till the end.
Nicely put.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
That is a tough task, to write an opener that will seduce people to free fall into it.
Thank .. read moreThat is a tough task, to write an opener that will seduce people to free fall into it.
Thank you once again Fahmida!
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.................................i love it.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
...................................I'm well pleased that you did
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If you were to substitute Native American sun dance with "Asian American sun dance" you would make more sense.
I'm no red man but I'd wager this poem would benefit greatly should that aforementioned change take place.
I, am gonna go, huff some gasoline and scream at the homeless for the rest of the evening. It was fun reading you. Fine writing my dear, fine writing.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
I don't see how Native American would make sense?
I said relapse like the Asian American beca.. read moreI don't see how Native American would make sense?
I said relapse like the Asian American because the a metaphor for the sun rising in the east [Asian] and setting in the west [American]...
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8 Years Ago
Native American Sun dance has the same meaning. But more importantly to my point, it has the exact .. read moreNative American Sun dance has the same meaning. But more importantly to my point, it has the exact same meaning. And is exactly called that. It flows better and has a more direct meaning. I get what your doing, it's not bad at all. I'm just throwing you some reasoned suggestions.
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8 Years Ago
remove the period after "meaning", make And lowercase (and).
it makes more sense that.. read moreremove the period after "meaning", make And lowercase (and).
it makes more sense that way.
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8 Years Ago
I don't think you do get it... the distance is far greater as when native would be right where I am... read moreI don't think you do get it... the distance is far greater as when native would be right where I am...
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8 Years Ago
What does this poem mean? I'm not offended in not getting it, I don't think I get most things. Wou.. read moreWhat does this poem mean? I'm not offended in not getting it, I don't think I get most things. Would you tell me though? What does your poem mean?
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8 Years Ago
I don't understand why people want me to change the way I write something just because it doesn't pl.. read moreI don't understand why people want me to change the way I write something just because it doesn't please them???
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8 Years Ago
Sincerely, if you would be so kind
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8 Years Ago
It's about f*****g
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8 Years Ago
I don't want to change anything. You fail to understand the difference between suggestion and deman.. read moreI don't want to change anything. You fail to understand the difference between suggestion and demand. I demand nothing.... why put your work out without expecting this?
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8 Years Ago
I'm more interested in your "everyone wants to change me!" line.... why do you think that?
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8 Years Ago
Because I don't right for reviews, I do it for people's enjoyment. If they get it, sweet, if not, o.. read moreBecause I don't right for reviews, I do it for people's enjoyment. If they get it, sweet, if not, oh well...
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8 Years Ago
Because as of late, those who don't understand what I'm saying do so...
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8 Years Ago
You are not above critique. Just because you claim yourself to be "righting for the people's, etc.".. read moreYou are not above critique. Just because you claim yourself to be "righting for the people's, etc." does not mean everything you spit out is gold or beyond a suggestion or two. Your response to me has been reactionary in a bad way. Try harder next time.
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8 Years Ago
I don't claim anything. I just speak my mind. I don't go and tell you what to write. I just say what.. read moreI don't claim anything. I just speak my mind. I don't go and tell you what to write. I just say what I like and if I don't, I keep my mouth shut. That simple. You don't have to get all anal about it.
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8 Years Ago
Why do you publish anything if you want reviewer's to "keep (their) mouth shut"?
Take.. read moreWhy do you publish anything if you want reviewer's to "keep (their) mouth shut"?
Take a step back, re read what you just wrote to me. Use some common sense. By all means find some common sense.
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8 Years Ago
Because I can...
You are the only one who seems tof have a problem.
You don't have t.. read moreBecause I can...
You are the only one who seems tof have a problem.
You don't have to read my stuff. I'm fine with that.
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8 Years Ago
Go huff that gasoline and yell at bums because that's common sense...
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8 Years Ago
This...
---all your words in quotations of course....
"You are the only one who seems .. read moreThis...
---all your words in quotations of course....
"You are the only one who seems tof (sic) have a problem. "
contradicts this.....
"I don't understand why people want me to change the way I write something"
hmmm....
I offered you reason critique, you've endeavored on a lengthy rant about how, if I don't have ONLY good things to say I should not read you.... my "friend" that is absurd and if you carry on with this reasoning you will stagnate as a writer sooner than later. Good luck sin in "sincerity"
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8 Years Ago
Touce', but you are the only one taking it to another level dude.
And we are not friends, I d.. read moreTouce', but you are the only one taking it to another level dude.
And we are not friends, I don't even know you...
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8 Years Ago
Never said we were friends... not one time. Hmm. Are you drunk? You don't seem completely cohere.. read moreNever said we were friends... not one time. Hmm. Are you drunk? You don't seem completely coherent.
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The imagery is amazing and the last part was surprising. Good job :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
What was so surprising Lauren?
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8 Years Ago
The last line was so unexpected
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This poem conjures up images of a young couple, in love, cooking together in the kitchen. Flirting as tension rises because they both know what's going down when the sun sets...
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
And it went down, then I went up... hehe
You're dead on though.
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It was intriguing from beginning to end. The ending really surprised me though!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
What made it so surprising if I may ask?
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I read the title and knew I'd be in for something unique, at the very least.
You didn't let me down in that department, and you actually left me to sit and think about this one. I always appreciate writings that can accomplish that.
Someone mentioned it below, but I'll just reiterate: There are some strong, strong lines in this piece. Solid work, bro!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
Thanks bro, I highly appreciate that! I new it would be a fucken rad way to speak on sex and whatnot.. read moreThanks bro, I highly appreciate that! I new it would be a fucken rad way to speak on sex and whatnot...
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8 Years Ago
No problem, bro! It's unique as all f**k for a sex piece.
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8 Years Ago
You see dude up there mad hating lol
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8 Years Ago
Lmao, he really did jump out the window with that one. Man, let that pass.
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8 Years Ago
Forealzies lol
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Oh my goodness, this left me in awe! This is so simple yet elegant. Great job! The only thing that seems out of place is the last sentence. For some reason, it doesn't flow well with the others. Nevertheless, I still enjoyed reading this. :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
Thank you Pollyanna, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Theven ending isn't supposed to flow because it's maki.. read moreThank you Pollyanna, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Theven ending isn't supposed to flow because it's making a statement.
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8 Years Ago
You're welcome, and oh, okay, that makes sense. Thanks for the clarification! :)
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This so simple yet so beautiful, speaks directly to the heart. I really enjoy it! very talented.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
Thank you so much for thinking so Renee, I's really glad that you enjoyed it!
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As cool as the other side of the pillow :) Love it!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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8 Years Ago
Thank you Lynn hehe
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Stats
2139 Views
54 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on July 22, 2015
Last Updated on July 22, 2015
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