Supermarket Heart

Repeat

Reheat

Re-glance…

No pots or pans…

Just the vision of us

holding hands.

No shirts or pants…

Just that smile that’ll

forever relapse like

the Asian-American

sun dance.

It came with no receipt

and there was most certainly

no needs for a plastic

or paper bag...

Because we came to eat!

Reviews

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

There are some really strong lines in here i am particularly in love with the

It came with no receipt
and there was most certainly
no needs for a plastic
or paper bag...

To me that shows the limitedsness of the this relationship to be served once. Great piece, the lines of this is the part that stick out the most to me, almost an illusion, like its true meaning is just peeking out. Very nice solid work.

[sinNsincerity]

I can't give it all away...that's for face to face convo's hehe =D

[Rynn]

"Repeat
Reheat
Re-glance…" - already like where you're going with this. It flows so well when spoken aloud. Each word and it's individual sound gives the piece a really nice start.

"No pots or pans…
Just the vision of us
holding hands." - Again, nice usage of words and their sounds.

"No shirts or pants…

Just that smile that’ll
forever relapse like
the Asian-American
sun dance." - this is such a fresh description. It's almost impossible for me not to get a really solid image in my mind while reading. I like that you've messed with the rhyme/word scheme here. It's a slight shock that the words don't sound quite so similar; a little bit, but you've tapered off nicely. The flow and mood you've created here carries me into reading on.

"It came with no receipt
and there was most certainly
no needs for a plastic
or paper bag...
Because we came to eat!" - I like that you've made very mundane words sound insightful and beautiful for your own purpose. Strong lines here. I just love the way you've illustrated the emotion here.

Overall, I think the only things that I noticed that you could take another look at is your text/line spacing. Is there a pattern to it that I've missed? If it's intentional, then pay me no mind. I would also look a font size/color/style. While purple is a pretty color, it was a tad distracting. Thank you for the read! Write on.

-Rynn

[Regan Meade]

Not bad. It was interesting, and definitely unique. I am going to offer some suggestions (take them or leave them) :)

Personally, I would phrase this line "Just the vision of our clasped hands." I don't know I feel as if that would just bring a stronger vision to it. To me gerunds ( words ending in 'ing') are a little to passive as a reader I want to have that vision in my head and not an outside perspective (movie like)

I would take out the word forever. Again this is just a personal thing.

Since you give the idea of a super market I would rearrange "...there was no need for paper of plastic.../Because we came to eat!" You don't really need the word certainly. I feel it makes this a little to wordy.

But this was well executed and I really liked how you used the Asian-American Sun dance. A good change from common tropes that have become cliche. 4 out of 5 stars. :3

[annalysiar]

Lol really creatve. I love the images you created with ths one.

[sinNsincerity]

I wanted this to be a meteor shower of images.

[annalysiar]

You did th8st beautifully

[Johnny]

What I'm most curious about is the Asian American sun dance you mentioned, I ask you what it is but I will look it up anyways!

[sinNsincerity]

It's just an other way of saying the sun rising in the east and setting in the west day by day...

[Johnny]

Very clever way of putting it

[Tionge Rosalie Johnson]

I love the metaphor of the pots and pans, it really expresses how human interaction and intimacy way far more than material possession. This was such a lovely piece.

[Tiffany K Charles]

Sweet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm loving this!!!!!!

[Nina H.]

What can I say? Your work is unique and always leaves me wondering of the infinite possibilities. Wonderful poem.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you for that complement Nina, I do my best to write something unique, but to also allow the readers the opportunity to see themselves is the words. A tough task, but one I trying to get better at each write.

[Schatzi]

Hello Sin in Sincerity,

Interesting poem and a unique way to present it. I really liked it. One question: What is an Asian-American Sun dance. I know what a Native American Sun dance is but I've never heard of an Asian-American one.

Anyway, I found your poem to be cute, fun and it had a charm to it. Nicely done!

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[sinNsincerity]

It is just a metaphor, sound way better than saying the sun rises in the east and sets in the west...

[Schatzi]

Ah, I see. Makes sense. :)

[aLittlePain]

Very nice, skies the limit I'd say *smile* a lovely melodic write x

[sinNsincerity]

The sky is the limit, but I'm trying to touch God!

[Lord of mad men]

Lol that last line just wonderful. I really liked this.

[sinNsincerity]

I'm glad that you did.