Ten Seconds...

I took a seat.

Then a second later

turned my head

towards she

and it was more

than right that

our eyes

would meet.

A lightning bolt

in a bottle,

ready to super-nov-

Ugh…

I want to tell you

that I love you.

That’s how beautiful

I can tell

you are.

Inside

and

out!

Just like a

Pop Tart...

I want to bite

it for a rush.

Ouch!

Not so fast.

I burned my

Tongue.

The desires of

my inner lust,

but surely,

it’s a must,

that the essence 

of this 

tells me

that she’s 

much more

than this...

Sweet nutrition!

Reviews

[Rynn]

"I took a seat.
Then a second later
turned my head
towards she
and it was more
than right that
our eyes
would meet." I took me a bit to get into the rhythm of the piece, but I really appreciate the way you've broken up the sentences.

"A lightning bolt
in a bottle,
ready to super-nov-
Ugh…
I want to tell you
that I love you." - I love how casual you've written something that has such weight. I can feel the underlying frustration of not being able to say those words to someone.

"That’s how beautiful
I can tell
you are." - There's such an off way that you've written some of these lines, they are just really original sounding and I love the - quirkiness you have to your voice.

"Inside
and
out!
Just like a
Pop Tart...
I want to bite
it for a rush." - again I have to stop and appreciate the originality in your description. Well done! It adds a lightness to the piece as if to limit the intensity but still get the same ideas across.

"The desires of
my inner lust,
but surely,
it’s a must,
that the essence
of this
tells me
that she’s
much more
than this...

Sweet nutrition!" - I think you could remove the exclamation point after 'out' since you have one after nutrition. I like it better at the end. I love how you've compared this to nutritional food versus the stuff that tastes good but isn't good for you. Very original take on things. I enjoyed it much, thank you! Write on.

-Rynn

[sinNsincerity]

Thanks Rynn, I always try to do my best to capture the moment or feelings and allow the poem take on a life of its own rather than forcing it into something its not.

[KT-B]

love this one...very clever - well done :)

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much Mrs. Bradley, I'm glad that you did.

[Abraham George]

its an interesting piece of work and i liked a lot

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Abraham, I'm really glad that you did.

[annalysiar]

I cant help but think " thats too cute" blin this girly, cheesy way that a teenager would understand lol
But i really did enjoy this. The imagry and the setting

[sinNsincerity]

And that's how she made me feel, like I was back in high school, but sadly things never did take off.

[annalysiar]

One day thwy will but you got a taste of it and thats what matters.
Remember : the true gift is the present...not the past

[sinNsincerity]

Always....

[TheLonelyWriter]

I myself have never experienced love at first sight, but with this poem, it captures the rush of love, the joy, the silliness, the shock, all in separate ways. It covers many of the aspects of love at first sight, for what it is believed to be, even by those who don't quite believe in it. I liked how you called her beautiful only once, and used metaphors to bring similar meanings throughout the poem. Most poets writing about love are unable to do this. I truly enjoyed this poem, it lingers both far and close to the typical love poem, the same feelings in such an unfamiliar presentation. Those who believe in love and those who believe only in lust alike can enjoy this poem.

[sinNsincerity]

I love that you go so much out of this!
I do believe in love at first sight. Maybe I'm a fool, but I fall in love with a women whether I know her for three minutes or three years... Some say that men are above women, but I believe they are the closet thing to God and I worship the ground the walk on. That's just the way it is for me.
Thank you so much for you response, I highly appreciate it and it means so much to me!

[Girl With A Pen]

Love at first sight comes in rarity. To describe love is more difficulty than to feel love's presence.

"Just like a
Pop Tart..."

My favorite stanza. I can't help but too keep going back to this line. A pop Tart...something that looks as good as it taste. Hoping that love is as good as it looks. Perhaps this is not the purpose of this piece but the meaning I got from it was definitely something for a reader to think about. :)

[sinNsincerity]

Totally a Pop Tart and it should mean what ever you want it to be. How ever it makes you feel and think. I'm really glad that's what you got from it.
I wrote this about an amazing women who I met the first day in my Child Development class a few weeks back. She's the women of my dreams i believe, but I'm waiting patiently. I don't want to rush anything too soon and ruin what may or may not be. She's just so gorgeous, but the crazy part about it is that once we began to get to know one another, we found out that we grew up a few streets away from each other in Los Angeles. I just feel that it's a blessing to meet someone who comes from the same world as me after being away from home so long. Right off the bat we both made it easy to talk with each other and the first day we spent a few hours opening up as if we were friends for the longest. And that's what I needed so badly in this time in my life. A friend that I can speak with and just be myself.

[Frozen Eyes]

"..she's much more than this.." that is a wonderful ending.. left me thinking what happened next? Hungry for more :)

[sinNsincerity]

She really is much more. We all are and I have to believe that.
I can tell you what's happening now. For now I have no intentions or fantasies of what could be with her... I'm just happy to be her friend and I just want to get to know her to the fullest.

[jeannemarie coulter]

and if the lust we fall so easily into with just a sip of a beautiful sight grows into LOVE...what then...love the write and the questions posed...

[sinNsincerity]

You never know what it may grow into and I'm ready to find out...
Thank you so much for reading!

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

I adored the uggh in the middle and then real verses. It added a youthful and fresh approach. Honestly i found more emotion in the ending "realness" than the beginning when he was trying to impress her. Great piece

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you, I put the ugh in so people could know how bad I want her now, but afterwards, yes I realize, hey, this can be much more than what I want...
Thank you once again Crystal. =D

[Willard Wells]

I have to say that is one long story. But it was fun. Kinda like you tripped over your tongue due to her beauty and did not know what to do. Thanks for sharing. Where ever you thought you were, she is out of your league.

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you Willard!

[dan]

We've all seen "the one" across a crowded room and imagined the perfect love that would result if you could just meet them; the realization that the fantasy and lust were only a faraway dream, then discovering the belief that there is most assuredly more there than meets the eye. A very insightful write. take care...dan

[sinNsincerity]

Yes, very much so. I couldn't of have said it any better.
Thank you Dan.