Lovely write! Can sense the passion between the lines...
However, I'm not sure whether "escalate" is the right word for what the fingers did......yes, maybe the situation escalated.......and that is quite a pivotal verb in the poem.....so I cannot suggest an alternative, but that's what I got in my first reading.....
Towards the end of the poem, it got a "rap" vibe, where my feet started to tap, but then it stopped.....as if there was more to come....
Great work!
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Escalate as in an escalator. They go up as well as down. Hence her fingers moving downward.
T.. read moreEscalate as in an escalator. They go up as well as down. Hence her fingers moving downward.
That pretty sweet that you got that vibe. I just used rhythm and pace.
But I stopped it short.
That's part of the seduction.
Always leave them wanting more.
This piece giggles and staggers to its own satisfaction, yet the fight between punctuation and rhyme is a bit of a distraction. The direction of escalation and its imagery is strong in thought, but the lines surrounding the idea of center and heart could be clearer wrought. There are here in nestled lovely blossoms of poetic bliss, it could have great contentions to be more than a near kiss.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Maybe it that is what it was meant to be? Nothing more than a near Kiss...
Aw! This is, in my opinion, the cutest poem I've read on this website so far. It really put a smile on my face, and you described 'lust' perfectly. Good job! :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Why thank you Polly, I just try to describe the snapshot as close as possible and make it interestin.. read moreWhy thank you Polly, I just try to describe the snapshot as close as possible and make it interesting as well.
Women can be drugs can be women. It's something I say on occasion. Can work in reverse for men, too.
Wonder lust en route to wonder love, almost.
I dig this one as well, bro.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
And a lot of side effects come along with them both hahaha. I'm just messing.
Ok, you asked my opinion, so I'm gonna pull out my lady balls and give it to you. I think it's great!... here comes the but, "but" I think one word might need a small tweak. The word escalate denotes more of a rising motion, than a falling one, and since you describe her finger moving "down" from her collar bone to her cleavage, might I suggest a swap, perhaps, for a word like slid, or trailed? Just a small suggestion for a great piece. It has a lot of vibe. Nice work.
..Misty
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Escalators travel upwards and downwards do the not?
Thank you for ready Misty, I'm glad you e.. read moreEscalators travel upwards and downwards do the not?
Thank you for ready Misty, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
8 Years Ago
Hmmm... Interesting perspective, and yes very good piece. :)
Just a moment in a life time. I really dug the relation to over dosing of a person. Being so consumed and filled with them that you feel like you're on drugs. Brilliant image and refreshing. this is one of my favorites
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
That means so much to me and made my day.
Thank you Crystal!
No worries, I'm the same right now...
And every time I make a dent and get it down a bit, it .. read moreNo worries, I'm the same right now...
And every time I make a dent and get it down a bit, it grows bigger. lol
9 Years Ago
OMG I know right? I'm like talking to the computer screen..."stop" lol Plus i like to really read an.. read moreOMG I know right? I'm like talking to the computer screen..."stop" lol Plus i like to really read and review so it takes me longer!!