I love that you included some signs of the times...although I think mood rings were more an age thing than a time thing, but skateboards, mood rings, Yellowcard, they give this a period feel that makes it a good nostalgia piece.
"so I never held a grudge against she." please fix this to "her" or just "so I never held a grudge." the she is implied. The improperness of that line just hangs for me.
jan
i like the line "so i never held a grudge against she"
that's my favorite line in this. i get it. and i love it. from reading the other reviews i don't think people get the dialect of it, therefore they don't get the meaning of it. or maybe i'm wrong too, i don't know!
i've never been to the avalon (wouldn't be surprised if i drove past it a dozen times or more) but i get the same feeling from some of the venues i've been to. don't hate me, haha, i spent most my life in central california (sf, the bay, sacramento, tahoe, yosemite; i don't call california home any longer though, spent too much time away).
overall, i love how real this poem feels. most of your poetry that i've read so far has this similar feel. it's amazing. more than anything, it's authentic. i could definitely learn from you! haha. highest compliments!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
My goodness, this is a throwback! Thank you MondineGarcon, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I still d.. read moreMy goodness, this is a throwback! Thank you MondineGarcon, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I still don't hold a grudge against her, or any women I've have given my heart to...
They all have taught me to be a better person, and the joy was worth the misery I must say.
The dialect is key and it's alright if people don't understand the essence of it because they didn't grow up in East Los Angeles with me and share those experiences, but I'm sure others might or have lived through similar situations. I've been taking my writing to a whole other dimension, which makes it hard to pick apart, but is possible with the acquired knowledge...
Yea, small venues are the best! And not to worry, I wouldn't hate you. Now, the SF Giants is an other story hehe
Thank you once again, I do my best to be as real as I can be. I have to be brutally honest with myself and undress myself with full exposure, so that I may tap into the voice of the certain moments in my life. Just have to say f**k it!
Oh this was wonderful! I am sorry i am not as often as before on this site, certainly my loss. But with every work of your that i read i repeat - i am a fan.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
No need for sorry's, I have not been on as much as well, so I understand.
I admire you writin.. read moreNo need for sorry's, I have not been on as much as well, so I understand.
I admire you writing as well, so that means so much. Thank you Ana!
Avery nice story shared in the poetry,
"We both started catching feelings
And before we both knew it…
The bell rang."
Ninth grade, poetry and kiss. A good day. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
The lines definitely have a flow and that's what enhances its innocence and sweetness.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
And that innocence and sweetness is something I'll never let go.
Thank you so much for spendi.. read moreAnd that innocence and sweetness is something I'll never let go.
Thank you so much for spending the time to read!
That sums up 9th grade for a dude pretty damn well.
You also seem in and around my age, so this is quite accurate for the era to me. I may have been in 7th or 8th depending.
Good work as usual
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much P.J.
So glad that you could relate!