You really write great beat poetry..I wants to be read allowed. The rhythm pulls me through even when there's a line that I want to question, and so it deserves another read. On second read I started really looking at the contradictions. . Decay and harpooning are hallmarks of somrthing dying, but as I read on it was clearly not the intent. Then the crime..made me think..why? Why is it a crime? Byond that I enjoyed the tumble of metaphors you used to build this. Only dicover should be discovered. Your creativity is to be commended.
Posted 9 Years Ago
2 of 2 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Nice, my goal was to give that rhythm and beat, so that is would be a pleasure to read and do exactl.. read moreNice, my goal was to give that rhythm and beat, so that is would be a pleasure to read and do exactly what you said: to pull you in. The love is a crime because it differs from the ordinary norm Love. That why in the end I say when it is discovered it would have to be studied...
Thank you for reading Jaycee!
Whoa you made that hotel proud :P
Coming on to the point, it was a sweet one indeed. If you would have written this intentionally for someone, that person would have loved it too, because it had a charming spell indeed.
Just loved it. 'Yester-moon'.. well that's something interesting.
And the best part -
'Some will say our love is a crime,
But I don’t mind
Because
I love you'
That's lovely.
~Mills (Millie)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
I did intentionally write this for someone and she has seen it.
Yester-moon, yester-years..... read moreI did intentionally write this for someone and she has seen it.
Yester-moon, yester-years... they're all the same hehe
I'm glad you enjoyed it Mllie.
David.
The best part about your poems are the metaphors that you chose. Works pretty well almost every time. The perfect silence that you have mentioned might as well be powerful enough to speak a million words holding countless sentiments; those sentiments that will flood your heart with nectar and make you discover magic. :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Magic indeed! I like to give credit where credit is due and during my first year into my English Maj.. read moreMagic indeed! I like to give credit where credit is due and during my first year into my English Major I had a writing professor who was such a sorceress when it came to metaphors. She could stress it enough to stay away from cleches and how every phrase has been used a million times. She convinced me that it was personally my job to think of new ways to say the same things that everyone else is saying. She told me that, "without attention to detail, you can inform, but not persuade."
8 Years Ago
Absolutely. Good to know that you are doing justice to your learning and giving the due honor to you.. read moreAbsolutely. Good to know that you are doing justice to your learning and giving the due honor to your mentor.
A lady mentioned this below, and she's spot on: This had a really sweet rhythm to it, something to keep most anyone engaged throughout. These could be song lyrics, even. I'm digging this one, my guy.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Ah dude, I wrote this while listening to a jazz station and this killer piano solo took over me.
Hauntingly beautiful dance of thoughts dear author. Very compelling writing, as ever :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much Ana! It is always such a pleasure to hear from you, I highly appreciate your feeli.. read moreThank you so much Ana! It is always such a pleasure to hear from you, I highly appreciate your feeling towards it.
You are really talented, you know that? You make my work seem like nothing in my mind. Your writing is amazing, it flows really well, and there's a ton of wordplay. Good job! Full review from me. Keep it up, I love reading your work :)
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Thank you so much, I was really in the zone when I wrote this.
Talent, and a lot of hard wor.. read moreThank you so much, I was really in the zone when I wrote this.
Talent, and a lot of hard work, and a lot of living life that's all.
Writing means the world to me and I adore. It's so precious and timeless because it allows me as well as others to time travel to that exact moment in time. That's beautiful to me.
And the thing that is more beautiful about poetry, is that you can make it what ever you want.
Once I went to college and learned some writing tools and rules about writing, I figured it was my duty to use those tools to break the rules and add my soul into poetry.
I believe that you can do the same and that you will.
8 Years Ago
You are quite welcome and thank you for having such faith in me. It truly means a lot to me.
Finger snapping rhythm and beat to your poem. Flowed nicely. I liked that. Yester-moon..good phrase. Metaphors also were very good. Nice piece. Keep writing.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
That was my intention, so thank you. I'm glad you did like it!
So very much admire your metaphoric intent here!!! Wow.... lipstick decaying the day!!! Harpooning the moment!! A brilliant write, my friend!!
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
This one is a masterpiece to me. I used so much literary tools I have learned hear and the zone I wa.. read moreThis one is a masterpiece to me. I used so much literary tools I have learned hear and the zone I was in when I wrote it was magical!
Thank you Alf, it's my pleasure!