Marlboro 27's

I’ve been on an unhealthy diet of water and cigarettes:

Marlboro 27’s.

I’ve lost hope for this awful planet,

So I keep my faith on making it to heaven.

My insanity and conception of life isn’t a curse.

I do admit that it is a gift that I had obtained

Since I was a young kid.

I’m keeping my soul,

But the heart inside of my body is growing oh so cold!

This feeling leaves me more than sick!

Why?

Because I have no control over this.

I have been controlled with my mind stuck inside of me.

Look around!

I see nothing but sorrows on this ground.

An angel’s voice is the only sound ringing in my head

Killing my innocence.

I can’t afford a decent meal for myself

Because my pockets only contain twenty-five cents.

I get no help taking care of myself

Or loving myself.

I’m searching for a love for myself,

But I need no help.

Forget my health

Because my sickness is stealth.

If you see my face,

You would never know of all the problems I face.

Deep inside I couldn’t hide the truth,

So this is the life I face.

I want to know more than your name.

I want to remember your face

No matter the pain it brings.

I would never abuse your kindness because…

My eyes see through blindness.

My mellow tone is far from shyness,

But I’m not too sure you want to understand all of this.

Plus, they’re days where I think of suicide every five minutes...

Novelties are my serenity

Because they help me escape all of my insecurities.

Making love with scriptures and to those I don’t know names of

Because they paint me the perfect picture of imperfection.

The devil:

She leaves no fingerprints...

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I knew this place once. Cigarettes, booze and too much thinking.
"Making love with scriptures and to those I don’t know names of
Because they paint me the perfect picture of imperfection.
The devil:
She leaves no fingerprints..."
The above lines. Solid and good. I liked them. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[sinNsincerity]

Glad you could relate. It was a dark place and time for me. Thank you for reading!

[Coyote Poetry]

It is and you are welcome.

[Asya Kardzhaliyska]

Another great and insightful piece about thinking too much. Thanks a lot for sharing, as I'm sure these feelings are something most (if not everyone) can relate to. The only thing that I noticed was that it was a tad on the long side, but that's not necessarily a problem.

[richieb]

Land of doom, lonely, lost hopeless creature waiting to die, praying for mercy on my soul. Your words bring back a lot of dark memories.
Praise God I now live in the Light. Powerful message, hopefully it will speak to some ones soul.
Peace,
Richie b.

[Fanicia E.]

Your poems are amazing, and a lot of times I want to leave a profound, insightful review, but I end up being rendered speechless. You are amazing at what you do. Keep it up

[sinNsincerity]

Thank you so much Fanicia, I always appreciate what people think and have to say, but I'm just as happy knowing people are reading my poems and enjoying them.

[Fanicia E.]

you're very welcome :)

[Rynn]

"I’ve been on an unhealthy diet of water and cigarettes:
Marlboro 27’s." - already I like the tone.

"I’ve lost hope for this awful planet,
So I keep my faith on making it to heaven." - you've established voice. I like the point of view of the narrator. It sounds simple when I read it but it hold many implications and really makes you think about why this person has no hope.

"My insanity and conception of life isn’t a curse.
I do admit that it is a gift that I had obtained " - truly it is. Being able to accept things that are hard or unfair is the the ultimate gift.

"But the heart inside of my body is growing oh so cold!
This feeling leaves me more than sick!
Why?" - I like this but feel that the lines would have been stronger without being exclaimed. I feel that exclamations should be left to works of humor/satire or dialogue. It comes off harshly in the way that I would have shouted it if I had read it aloud. Periods, to me are far stronger. They've certainly killed more sentences than exclamation ever has. Something to consider.

"I have been controlled with my mind stuck inside of me.
Look around!
I see nothing but sorrows on this ground." - I felt this could use some elaboration - description. We look around at the sorrows but have no idea what they look, taste, or smell like.

"An angel’s voice is the only sound ringing in my head
Killing my innocence." - very interesting that it's the angel marring the innocence.

"I can’t afford a decent meal for myself
Because my pockets only contain twenty-five cents." - again with that rough voice from the narrator - I enjoy it very much. It's almost like this person is a wash out of some kind.

"I get no help taking care of myself
Or loving myself.
I’m searching for a love for myself,
But I need no help." - felt just a tad redundant.

"Forget my health
Because my sickness is stealth.
If you see my face," - Excellent line.

"I would never abuse your kindness because…
My eyes see through blindness." The '...' should be "....", possibly even too minor to mention.

"My mellow tone is far from shyness,
But I’m not too sure you want to understand all of this." - I really liked the unsureness in these lines.

"The devil:
She leaves no fingerprints..." I loved the ending. Very beautiful.

Overall, I think you have a really nice piece here. I love the idea and voice you've established. It could use more description in the middle I think, but a lot of your lines are on point. Some editing for grammar might do some good. Think about how you want the reader to interpret it visually. Read it out loud. The commas and periods are like breath marks. The capitalization of each line makes each one a new sentence. Was that your intention? Read it like they are all new sentences. Is that how you want it to sound? Edit accordingly. In the end - all of these things are up to you - the author. Again, great piece. Thank you for the read. Write on.

-Rynn

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"The devil:
She leaves no fingerprints..."

There are some humans who don't either ;)
Nicely penned, sNs! I liked the rhyme sequence too :)

[Hebe]

Great title.... great poem .... it speaks volumes in a gripping way... excellent piece!

[Hebe]

Great title.... great poem .... it speaks volumes in a gripping way... excellent piece!

[BBP]

Dig the title, really dig the poem.

You got a street style about you that I really like.

Nice job.

[sinNsincerity]

I'm glad that you like that style.

[Rimpi Saikia]

The devil:
She leaves no fingerprints.
Amazing!