The Garden

A blooming of the self within a loving relationship.

Stepping gently on the stones.

Touching softly the walls of my home.

 

Sequences ever so tender in their caress.

Playing a trilling, musical and willowy tune.

 

How adept and caring your fingers as they move.

As a key, slowly opening the flower of my heart.

 

So too does the trust that binds my soul.

For the first time forward we step....

 

The Child, a flower bud.

Sometimes hesitant often mischievous.

 

The Girl, petals unfolding.

Shy and often not too sure.

 

Finally the Woman, a fully open flower.

In all her glory triumphant and willing.

 

Welcome to my perfumed inner garden.

My lover you are the sun that warms me.

 

The musician that brings me joy.

Your tenderness makes my radiance ever more brilliant.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Rodger Tunif]

Very well done. I think you employed sensory details very well with this particular piece. Especially interesting is how the sensory details seem to blend one into another. It becomes difficult at times to differentiate between the stones, the garden, you, etc. I enjoy this. It is as if all of these things are becoming one. Something about it is very sexual. The progress from child to girl to woman is also very interesting. You described three separate stages of development; almost as if you yourself are a flower and thus are finding yourself at home in the garden. Each different stage brings you closer to the moment of blossoming which you identify with womanhood. I am not clear as to who the lover is at the end of the poem; the garden or another individual. It could perhaps be that you are implying that; like a flower grows from the nurture and light of the sun, you are growing in the light of your romantic interest. This again merges the self and the garden with sexual undertones. I was not exactly clear on the musician metaphor at then end and I would like to suggest revising that. It seems you end the poem with a new theme and I wish you could have ended with something garden related. Great poem. You were able to bring several elements into the work while writing economically. This is efficiency and professionalism. Great Job.

[Singing Bird]

Hi Mr Fitch, I am addressing a lover. This piece was about trust in the relationship and my consequent growth within self. The musician bit is what came to mind at the time. Cannot explain it as it flowed from my heart.
Thankyou for the comments for they are pretty spot on.

[Leslie Philibert]

the first poem I have read from this writer, like the couplet form, the rich imagery and the organic metaphorical unity, like this

[Singing Bird]

Am glad you liked it Leslie there is another that I wrote immediately after this called The Treasure, am posting it today. One seemed to lead to the other.