Scars of betrayal

Inky thickets conquer

the morbid day, an end;

grant the privacy

hides my obscene state.

All those times, I stayed

by their side, ignoring

the instinct to slay; hence

abled them to descreate my soul.

The audacity they bear

to say that they still care!

Followed, a stab in my back

camaraderie, cracked.

Let the night drain my strain

lay a trail as horizon breaks.

Reborn from pain, a bangaged core,

learnt to be selfish and sway no more.

Author's Note

When "friends" show true colours..

Reviews

[Fist]

Betrayal and trust have always held hands, And the one who says, "Tu mera dost hai" has a hidden motive behind his every sweet action. One up to your vocabulary, One up to your topic, One up to your presentation, and one up to your knowledge of, uh, "friends". I easily identify with your poem, and can feel every word of that. Though i think it could've been longer. Just my opinion. :) Nd one up in advance if you're an indian too!

[Sindu]

Thank you for checking this out. Yup, the happiness that a person becomes a friend clouds the instincts. Thus, the aftermath. It is both good and bad that you can identify with this :)
The poem bubbled from those intense emotions but I did not want to just surgically illustrate what it did but what happened and what I see from that. So, short and sharp.

[Fist]

Oh, That's um..Both good and bad. :) If you know what I mean.

[Thayle L.]

Truly wounds are deepest when the wounded does not notice.
An excellent poem.

[Sindu]

Thanks Thayle! Definitely a wake up call..

[Arnav swaminathan]

Gud stuff...especially the second stanza...

[Sindu]

Thank you Arnav :)

[Eleanor]

I felt connected with this one. Its deep and intense.
I've been betrayed by too many "friends". It feels sad to know that someone we thought cared, was just lying all the time. The "scars of betrayal" remain forever and somewhere inside make you afraid of trusting anyone.
The choice of words is great.
Great job at this one :)

[Sindu]

Thank you so much. Means a lot to know this moved you. I guess that's 'cos it's pretty much from my emotions. :)
Sorry to hear that you went through the torture too but fighters fight, right :)

[AprilRN1210]

pretty intense stuff here girl!.. last two stanzas are my favorite.. not sure why you didn't rhyme all the way through.. adds that extra punch in those stanzas.. either way, it is really powerful and affecting.. clever, fitting title.. betrayal cuts deep.. those scars painful.. well done:)


one suggestion..(just my opinion)..

(Followed, stab in my back).. would change "stab" to stabbed.. flows better..

[Sindu]

Thank you so much April! :)
This pretty much poured out from my emotions and anger, how ever words took me. The first two didn't have much change but last two I tweaked when putting up here so the rhyming ^_^
I rewrote backstabbing as stab in my back.. So what do you think?

[AprilRN1210]

I can feel the emotion definitely.. as far as the "stab" in my back.. the other words (followed, cracked) are in past tense, so to keep the flow, I would also say past tense which is stabbed.. and you are more than welcome.. you write well.. it is always a pleasure..

[Sindu]

Thanks again April! How about now? Consider it a noun rather than a verb. Yeah?

[AprilRN1210]

have me giggling over here.. yes ma'am.. that works.. :D

[Sindu]

Hehe yayy!! o/ more laugh lines for you ;)

[AprilRN1210]

yay, indeed.... could think of worse things.. besides, not old enough yet to worry about those lines :P
thanks for the giggle...

[Sindu]

Of course! You're gorgeous ;)) my pleasure.. :D
Drop a message or a comment when want a tickle ;)

[AprilRN1210]

thank you.. very kind.. and will remember that.. I am quite ticklish.. :D

[Sindu]

And I'm good at tickling :P my sis hates me for that haha.

[AprilRN1210]

I can imagine.. my brother always used to exploit that weakness in me at every opportunity, so I can sympathize with her... :)

[Sindu]

Haha she's my treasure

[Nitesh Mahabal]

Indeed U feel Connected By reading this one.... well written

[Sindu]

Thank you so much Nitesh for the review :) and stopping by ...

[M.A.Rathore]

Your treatment of new words and diction is superbly seen. Your short and sweet creation creates much expression. How beautifully you express your inner sorrows as to make the scene alive.

Let the night drain my strain
lay a trail as horizon breaks.
Reborn from pain, a bangaged core,
learnt to be selfish and sway no more.

This one is of course fine with imagery...
Keep writing..
Have a nice time!

[Sindu]

Thank you so much Rathore for such a great review ! :)

[M.A.Rathore]

Most welcome the mighty ink....

[Pushkar Prabhat]

"All those times, I stayed
by their side, ignoring
the instinct to slay; hence
abled them to descreate my soul."

you got some insane skills Ms Gifted!!
Amazing poetry.........
Beautiful references.........
i loved it!!!!!
:)

[Sindu]

(: thank you so much Mr. Nese! Haha ya insane skills or insane? ;)

[Pushkar Prabhat]

well you are gifted............you will figure that out!!! :) :)
you are welcome............:) :)

[Sindu]

How insightful :P :P :P :P!!

[Pushkar Prabhat]

Yup.................. :D :D :p :p

[Surya pradha]

how do you write like this?! really good stuff. what's the meaning of camaraderie, by the way?

[Sindu]

Thank you so much Surya :D Some times they work out, I guess ;)
Camaraderie means the sense of friendship or togetherness.