Die or Survive..

little hope is all i ask for..

Will you miss me 

if I die,

When I jump off a 

cliff and fly?

You ask me to

leave you alone

but I just want

to know.

Will you miss me?

Will you cry?

or will I be a

cloud; passing by?

I ask just for a 

little love 

and

nothing more.

So maybe, just

maybe

I can hope 

and survive.

Author's Note

please critic this piece. I want to know if i can make the readers feel what I try to deliver.

Reviews

[Ichi Shin]

i would miss you kouhai kun.

[Sindu]

I'm right here senpai kun :D

[Ichi Shin]

thou shan't forsaken me, for i am the void you fill me up.

[Mary Bosworth]

Written with much care, a pleasure to read. In a category of its own making

[Sindu]

Thanks a lot Mary!

[MomzillaNC]

A little hope is all any of us ask for…

I like the visual layout of this poem. You've used the form well. I think the first stanza sets a terrific tone in both meter and rhyme. While it's a moving piece, I think it could be powerful if the rest of the poem held the rhyme of the first stanza.

[Sindu]

thanks for the feedback. I try to make it rhyme but i sometimes just go with what my mind gives. Also I do not know anything about rules- metre, rhyme, and all. It feels scary.. all the formal stuff.. I'm just a tyro.

[MomzillaNC]

You're welcome. And, we all come to this forum to learn and to grow as poets. Always stretch your muse to the limits! :D

[Sindu]

Thanks.. I love to venture beyond scary limits anyway.. fun :D

[MomzillaNC]

On the precarious summit… the razor's edge… that's where poetry is born.

[Sindu]

I agree.. :)

[MomzillaNC]

Take a peek at my post "Words." It was inspired by this exchange.

[Sindu]

oh wow! sure sure!