I'm aware, this poem has so little structure it barely qualifies as a poem.
But there isn't a genre for "Words Just Randomly Whacked Onto A Page" :I
This poem is about blue food colouring, by the way. Which me and Jenny used to dye everything we ate blue for an entire weekend. We had blue pancakes, blue noodles, blue spaghetti hoops, blue milk... Good times :D But I'm not an alcoholic (:
Thankyou for reading (: ♥
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
I love that you used the color blue. Although this is just an accdent, just the color you happened to be using, it is a very symbolic color. Blu represents tranquility, life, purity. This fit the tone of the poem very well.
Not all poems have to have a structure. I like that this didn't. Gives you more freedom to be creative, not having to follow specific guidelines.
You have a great ability to take the simplest of experiences (dyeing all of your food blue. How silly) and creating something so meaningful and almost lyrical out of it. You and jenny are a good team, and you should keep writing about the things you two do together. Keep randomly whaking those words on your page, cuz it's working for you.
Oh Hells yeah!!! This is spectacular! You've cobbled together random word thought-forms into a rather tasty treat for the psyche. I'll have mine with blueberry jam please...
Food colouring... I used to do that. Well, not with EVERYTHING but only because my parents wouldn't let me. *Grr*
I have to admit that my mind coloured this piece as Green as the Absinthe Fairy that I may no longer safely enjoy... Just goes to show how much readers place of themselves into literature. Also, the mark of great poetry, that we do!
I love that you used the color blue. Although this is just an accdent, just the color you happened to be using, it is a very symbolic color. Blu represents tranquility, life, purity. This fit the tone of the poem very well.
Not all poems have to have a structure. I like that this didn't. Gives you more freedom to be creative, not having to follow specific guidelines.
You have a great ability to take the simplest of experiences (dyeing all of your food blue. How silly) and creating something so meaningful and almost lyrical out of it. You and jenny are a good team, and you should keep writing about the things you two do together. Keep randomly whaking those words on your page, cuz it's working for you.
"To dye my dreams shades of sky,
Allow my mind the fly,
Free of curses that made it shy
Away from love."
I wish you didn't have a comma after "fly", because it is essentially the same as after "shy" which has no comma. Also, since it has no real meter, adding the commas, as if to provide a structure to clarify a meter (which, as I said, does not exist), makes the rhymes seem intrusive and obtrusive, whereas if there was no comma there the sentence would still flow well and the rhymes at the end of each line would just be a pleasant artistic touch (and, also, I'm assuming an attempt to follow your current trend of ending with rhymed stanzas). :)
Aside from that long paragraph concerning a single comma (Lol) this was very well done; I enjoy poems that describe something that they do not actually specify. :)
My Circuitboard City Of Yellow And Black, United Kingdom
About
My poems make little sense because my thoughts make little sense because my life makes little sense.
I never class myself as a writer, 'cause I'm not one. I'm just some kid in the corner putting my n.. more..