Concrete Avenue

 

  I want to escape

   This cold, dreary town

    Where people get high

     Off dragging you down.

 

  We'll make a new world

   Where we can stay for a while,

    Where people understand

     And everyone smiles. 

 

  I'm tired of this Concrete Avenue

   Where the sky is grey and the people are blue.

  We'll build cities on clouds out of morning dew,

   With rainbows in our souls, we'll see it through,

                 Me and you.

Author's Note

Oh, look, an almost happy poem.
I rarely write those.
Feel free to criticise it, you will anyways...
Thanks for reading (: ♥

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

I liked the imagery in the last stanza, with the colors and the nature and slightly fantasy imagery, which contrasted really well with the Concrete Avenue (a great name to describe the town).

I really liked the addition of the "Me and you" in the end. It made the stanza have an odd number of lines, and with that, the kind of disconnect with the length of the lines, and where it was placed, you really mangaed to emphasize how the speaker and the "you" are seperate from the others in the town, differentiating them. Just as the line doesn't seem to fit in (not poetically, just in first glance and in the sense that it doesn't fit the system you have created of four line stanzas) so the speaker and the one she is speaking don't fit into the town. And because it ended the poem, it underlined how important the relationship is to the speaker, much more important than the dreary town or the other people.

Another good poem from you, this one much simpler and almost childlike, with the imagery, which fit in well with the dreaming of the future and of creating a new world. I really enjoyed reading it, as always. Thank you for the RR and keep writing your wonderful poetry.

[freelancejouster]

oh this is sweet. i know the feeling of wanting to escape, wanting to be free. something about breaking shackles, don't be afraid to break form. you have a few magnificent phrases here "where people get high off dragging you down." and "we'll go build cloud-top cities out of morning dew." are my favorite.

[Ashley]

i really loved the beginning "where people get high/off dragging you down" it's sad that this poem could be about literally any town in the world. loved the hopeful ending. it gets better. i have to trust that. i believe you do too. excellent work.

[?]

No criticism here, I liked it alot. It is true. Some people just get a kick out bringing a person down.
Had similar idea I was working on.
Great things about poems they allow us to speak our mind and emotions
Love it, rhyming was great

Oh and I want in on this new world. lol

[MichelleClay]

Can I join you in this beautiful world? Lovely poem. Well done. x

[Saraplenty]

It sounds like where I live now.

Happy poems are nice. This could easily be turned into a song.

[FaithfullyJennyBear]

It's s**t!
:L it's a great poem :) xx

[whatwhatnow?]

This poem made me think, do you mean a town or a street or both?
Just a thought :)
i do like this poem though, don't change it :D

[LoopyLoo]

This is reall cool. :-) I'll come join you if i'm allowed. :-)