Concrete Avenue

 

  I want to escape

   This cold, dreary town

    Where people get high

     Off dragging you down.

 

  We'll make a new world

   Where we can stay for a while,

    Where people understand

     And everyone smiles. 

 

  I'm tired of this Concrete Avenue

   Where the sky is grey and the people are blue.

  We'll build cities on clouds out of morning dew,

   With rainbows in our souls, we'll see it through,

                 Me and you.

Author's Note

Oh, look, an almost happy poem.
I rarely write those.
Feel free to criticise it, you will anyways...
Thanks for reading (: ♥

Reviews

[.shalynn.009.]

I liked the imagery in the last stanza, with the colors and the nature and slightly fantasy imagery, which contrasted really well with the Concrete Avenue (a great name to describe the town).

I really liked the addition of the "Me and you" in the end. It made the stanza have an odd number of lines, and with that, the kind of disconnect with the length of the lines, and where it was placed, you really mangaed to emphasize how the speaker and the "you" are seperate from the others in the town, differentiating them. Just as the line doesn't seem to fit in (not poetically, just in first glance and in the sense that it doesn't fit the system you have created of four line stanzas) so the speaker and the one she is speaking don't fit into the town. And because it ended the poem, it underlined how important the relationship is to the speaker, much more important than the dreary town or the other people.

Another good poem from you, this one much simpler and almost childlike, with the imagery, which fit in well with the dreaming of the future and of creating a new world. I really enjoyed reading it, as always. Thank you for the RR and keep writing your wonderful poetry.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Wonderful poem, Scooby. And yes, this is more positive than what you normally write, but just as great as anything I've read of yours thus far. The city is definitely overrated.. we all need to step away sometimes and escape that concrete world so we can feel alive again. If not, it will suck us under and we will feel like sidewalks being stepped upon constantly.

[Calypso]

Awww sweet

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Sometimes we need to escape the concrete jungle, just to have a chance to feel free. Good poem my friend.

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't blame you. I don't like cities and a lot of people. If I could I would wander off to a place with few people and time to think. Nothing like a day where you can see for miles a great ocean or forest. I like the ending to the poem. Most of us need a great escape. A excellent poem.
Coyote

[♥Chloe-The-Zombi..]

you are so good at writing poems. im jealous :P favorite line was:
" I'm tired of this Concrete Avenue
Where the sky is grey and the people are blue.
We'll build cities on clouds out of morning dew,
With rainbows in our souls, we'll see it through,
Me and you."
i can relate. this is great.

[M.Babu]

My fav line was 'Where the sky is grey and the people are blue'. Mad creativity right there! The flow commenced absolutely well but the last few lines were a bit bumpy to be honest. Though somehow that didn't bother me at all. The cuteness/cheekiners you managed to instil shone through and delivered the message all the same. Absolutely entertaining! More happy poems please:)

[Ben Taylor]

The first stanza flows beautifully, but the rhythm is broken as the poem progresses.

This doesn't detract from the beauty of the poem, however; I especially enjoyed the
"Where the sky is grey and the people are blue.".
How excellently put :)

[Dilan Gray]

I like this. Your images are really great and I love the rhyming. I think this is a great poem!

[Katub]

Beautiful...

[the in between]

Very cute hopeful poem :) the last stanza's my favorite. People need to smile more even to strangers :) it makes my day brighter.