The Destruction Of Paradise

Bloodstain on the white dress

of innocent old me. 

Havoc's hell, and in the flames

I'll burn eternally.

The blade is sharp, but not enough

to cut away the guilt.

I burnt down every wall

and every bridge I ever built.

Come, watch the towers crumble, 

surrounded by the night.

I stand by and break down as

the pieces of me fight.

I can never win this battle

as the mirror cracks in two;

I'm stronger now, yet weaker,

all because of You.

 

You made me who I am

and yet it pains me to see

That all I am is not enough

But I just can't set You free.

I'm just a walking shadow, 

that song that no ones hears.

I deafened You with pain and anger, 

drowned You in my tears.

I'm the product of my parent's mistakes,

their nightmares, their fears.

And when my final words are breathed, 

they'll fall upon deaf ears.

But I'm to blame, I know that I alone

must face the guilt;

'Cause I burnt down every wall 

and every bridge I ever built.

Author's Note

I wrote this one a while back, it was the first real poem I ever wrote...
Reviews and constructive criticism are muchly appreciated (: ♥

Reviews

[Ben Taylor]

This was the first poem you ever wrote? This is really excellent..
"The blade is sharp, but not enough
to cut away the guilt."
This is your debut effort?? Holy crap. I can almost literally feel the emotion while reading this; it's beautiful.
I cannot fully determine what this poem is about, but the ambiguity makes it applicable to multiple situations.
The rhyming, as well, is wonderfully done; I barely even noticed it the first time I read this, which is how it should be. It simply made the poem flow more smoothly, and did not detract from the poem at all.
This is SO much better than my early stuff :)

[Aidz]

I wish my first poem was like this all those years n years ago lol

[Skateprincess]

I liked it maybe break up the parts a bit it reminds me a bit of saying something in one long breath :) But I really liked the piece otherwise

[Erinne S.]

This is really the first poem you ever wrote? This is fantastic for a first-time write! I loved every bit of it... you took the reader through the emotional journey of pain and remorse. Wonderful job!

~Erinne

[Alice In My Own Wonderl..]

"Bloodstain on the white dress
of innocent old me.
Havoc's hell, and in the flames
I'll burn eternally.
The blade is sharp, but not enough
to cut away the guilt.
I burnt down every wall
and every bridge I ever built."

I could relate to this stanza very much. The poem was great. Keep writing :)

[Dahlia Phoenix]

First poem?
You really got it going and I love the language in this. So neat and dark.
Especially with one blaming oneself for all the horrors in the world and the pain...life goes on.

[Seshat Nidaba]

This reads like confessionalism and emo poetry pushed to an extreme, it can't get more angsty than this - the moral is a good one. The chaos of the actor is a frightful thing.

[Vanessa Rico]

Dark and compelling. This poem holds such an allure to me and drew me in from the first line! If this was your first poem, it is brilliant! You have talent girl! Much love!

[Patches I'm not so new..]

I am no English language teacher so I will refrain form commenting on structure and punchation. The poem itself is lyrical and the write the idea is good I enjoyed reading it and the thoughts expressed are somber to say the least.
All in all a very enjoyable piece even though the subject is depressing

[Joey Irwin]

Considering this was the first poem you wrote its brilliant. It's dark and I love it :D