The Destruction Of Paradise

Bloodstain on the white dress

of innocent old me. 

Havoc's hell, and in the flames

I'll burn eternally.

The blade is sharp, but not enough

to cut away the guilt.

I burnt down every wall

and every bridge I ever built.

Come, watch the towers crumble, 

surrounded by the night.

I stand by and break down as

the pieces of me fight.

I can never win this battle

as the mirror cracks in two;

I'm stronger now, yet weaker,

all because of You.

 

You made me who I am

and yet it pains me to see

That all I am is not enough

But I just can't set You free.

I'm just a walking shadow, 

that song that no ones hears.

I deafened You with pain and anger, 

drowned You in my tears.

I'm the product of my parent's mistakes,

their nightmares, their fears.

And when my final words are breathed, 

they'll fall upon deaf ears.

But I'm to blame, I know that I alone

must face the guilt;

'Cause I burnt down every wall 

and every bridge I ever built.

Author's Note

I wrote this one a while back, it was the first real poem I ever wrote...
Reviews and constructive criticism are muchly appreciated (: ♥

Reviews

[Ben Taylor]

This was the first poem you ever wrote? This is really excellent..
"The blade is sharp, but not enough
to cut away the guilt."
This is your debut effort?? Holy crap. I can almost literally feel the emotion while reading this; it's beautiful.
I cannot fully determine what this poem is about, but the ambiguity makes it applicable to multiple situations.
The rhyming, as well, is wonderfully done; I barely even noticed it the first time I read this, which is how it should be. It simply made the poem flow more smoothly, and did not detract from the poem at all.
This is SO much better than my early stuff :)

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

Even in paradise we have tears that fall, good poem.

[Ashley]

this was amazingly done. i absolutely loved it.

[Judy Ponceby]

Wow, Scooby! Fantastic first "real" write. Speaks to me of one who gave everything to a lover until there was nothing left of themselves. Wonderfully done. :)

[Little Abbey]

Very good! I liked the writing a lot!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem. Remind me of when I was young and not afraid of nothing. I like the strength in the words and the directness of the poem. A very good ending to a outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[?]

wow, very surprised at this being the first real poem you ever wrote. Very nice,
as always the rhyming is great. Flowed wonderfully

[*[[ Cadence ]]*]

o.o wow..thats all i can say

[FaithfullyJennyBear]

an amazing poem Scoobybear, :3 i love it, i thought it sounded familiar then i remembered how you showed me it in english a while back :P xx

[Jill Wallflower]

wow, wish my first real poem was like this. Its so good :)