Chapter Nineteen

-Rema-

As Kacia helped properly bandage and fix up my injuries, the questions began rolling.  What happened?  Who did this?  Why? All these questions I didn’t know how to answer.

“It’s… a long story,” I stressed, “Mainly… We got ourselves into some s**t with someone who was rather messed up in the head, and then we got out of it.”

“Wow, okay, Vague…” She rolled her eyes, wrapping the makeshift splint better around my arm, “I’ll pick up a real brace for your wrist at the drug store later, ‘kay?  So… Judging by the fact Scars is way more fucked up than you, I’m guessing they knew him and you just got dragged into it.”

I didn’t like the way she worded it, but she was right. “Yeah… Kinda…”

“So… He’s an ex gang member… Right?  That’s why he’s a drifter, why he’s always all beaten up and bloody, am I right?  He ditched his gang and they came after him and you got in the way.”

She was completely wrong, and honestly I’m not sure how she came up with this idea, but it was better than the truth so I went with it and played along.

“And that’s why you can’t go to the police or hospital… Gang related s**t don’t fly too well.” She guessed.

“Yeah… Yeah, you’re right.” I said.

“Well… The guys coming here, or what?  Should I find somewhere else to stay?”

“No, they’re… taken care of…” I muttered.

She stared at me, an unreadable expression plastered on her face, “Okay… That’s shady, but I’m not asking anymore questions… I don’t wanna know.”

I nodded and thanked her after she patched me up, and quickly went to lay down.  I asked Kacia to come in and check us every once in a while, since I knew she was tripping and would be up all night.  I was surprised at her helpfulness.  She was rude and bitchy about it like always, but she actually bothered to somewhat care.

The next days went by slowly, I rested a lot and only got up when I needed to eat something or go to the bathroom, and Frey slept literally for two days straight and only got up to fall on the floor and stumble into the bathroom a few times.

I called my job and tried to explain that I had been sick, only to be told I was fired for not showing up or calling in for two weeks.  I begged for my job back, but my manager said they already found a new waitress and didn’t need me.  How I’d pay for rent, I had no idea and I didn’t have the heart to tell Kacia I lost my job.

When Frey finally did come around, he was a mess of pain and confusion and constantly kept asking me what happened, where were we, and why his leg hurt so bad.   I gave him pain meds as often as safely possible and even had him drink a bit to help with the pain while we waited for the next dose of medication.  I knew we shouldn’t mix pills with booze, but I just couldn’t stand seeing him in so much pain.

“Hey, Frey…” I asked, sitting beside him on the bed. “Do you hear voices?”

He made a strange face, “Yeah, I think I told you that before… Why ya askin’?”

“Do they ever take control of you?”

“Uh, it’s just one, and I’m pretty sure it’s a goddamn demon, so… Yeah, it possesses me.” He said bluntly.

My eyes widened.  He thinks he’s possessed?  I mean, I understand he doesn’t know much about mental health disorders like MPD, but he just jumps straight to possession instead of being crazy or schizophrenic?

“What?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at my shocked expression. “Did it do something?”

“Well, when you… killed that man, you cut the skin off his face and dismembered him… You talked… different… No accent or sarcastic undertone like you usually have… You didn’t sound like… Well, you.  I kinda think you have a personality disorder.”

He made a face at the last remark. “Yeah, no, it wasn’t me, really… So of course it was different.” He smirked a little, and I found it strange. “The dismemberment was more my idea.  I just couldn’t stand his face no more.”

“Why do you think it’s a demon?” I asked.  His ideas intrigued me.  He had such a different mindset and point of view than most people, and saw and thought of things differently.

“Well… It pretty much was given to me…  The Man, he said this… monster… would make me stronger and bring him power… whatever that meant… And in return, it wanted a body… So he branded me and then the thing started talking in my head and appearing in the shadows and s**t…  I think it respected him for a while, then it just got sick of him.”

I remembered “the monster” saying that at one point it was “interested in me” then it claimed it got “sick of me.”  I wondered if that part of him wanted to kill me.. Just like how it wanted to kill the Man, like he respected him for a while, then snapped.

I didn’t believe it was a monster or a demon.  Even if Frey was branded as a part of some ritual and his soul sold to this thing.  I was always a skeptic and didn’t fall for ghosts, demons, or folklore.  I liked to think I was smarter than that, and if I couldn’t prove it, it didn’t exist.  

As far as I could tell the monster was a personality Frey created while he was being abused in order to hide from it and cope, and he just tied it to the sick ritualistic s**t this man exposed him to.  The Monster was an angry, animalistic side of him that didn’t want to be hurt anymore, and refused to trust anyone in order to protect himself.

“That’s… Really awful, Frey.” I said, I didn’t know what else to really say.

//

-Frey-

Weeks came and went, and I was bedridden and drugged most of the time through them.  Rema took care of me even with the injuries she had, and changed my bandages every day until I was able to do most of them myself.  She kept worrying about my leg, and whether or not the bone would set correctly.  She tried to think of ways to get me to a doctor, but I reminded her it was just going to get us arrested and I wouldn’t risk that.

I started having night terrors after the first week, sometimes three or four times a night.  And once the drugs wore off, I felt nothing but anger, shame, and depression deep inside me.  I couldn’t shake the worthless feeling no matter what I did.  I thought killing the man would bring me closure, and in a way it did, but it didn’t make me feel any better… It fact, the whole event leading up to the murder just made me feel worse.

He was able to control and break me all over again in two weeks.  He was able to sink his claws in me, make me kill people, make me beg, hurt me… Overpower me physically and mentally.  I had told myself for so long that I was different than I used to be, that I wasn’t weak anymore.  I told myself for three years that if he and I ever crossed paths, I wouldn’t let him control me… Yet I did.

I proved I was still weak, still pathetic, and a little puppet.  I proved I wasn’t as strong or powerful as I thought, and that deep down I was always going to be nothing but a damaged child with no name or memory, just grown into a loud mouthed screw up murderer who acted tough to cover how broken he really was.

It made me hate myself.

After a month, I wanted to die all over again.  I was back to where I was when I first escaped that hell.  I felt hopeless, and knew nothing could change me…  I wanted to love Rema, like she loved me, and I wanted to live a normal life, but I didn’t and I couldn’t.  I couldn’t change, I couldn’t love, I couldn’t be normal… It was too late.

I heard Rema and her roommate talking a lot after the first month, and with Rema losing her job and doing what I could only assume was hooking to get money, Kacia hated having us around… Especially me.  She complained about the noise I made at night, the food we were eating, the hot water and electricity we were using.  She complained about rent, and asked Rema why I couldn’t just “go and get a damn job.”  She suggested many times just taking me to a shelter and dropping me off…

I wanted to kill that stuck up little b***h.  Her face made The Monster rage within me, and I wanted to rip her flesh off and burn her bones.

I woke up to Rema shaking me, and I decked her in the face out of instinct.  Apologizing half heartedly when I realized what I did.

“It’s… Okay… You were just having another nightmare. I know you want me just to leave you alone and not wake you up anymore, but you were… begging.” She looked so tired, her eyes were bloodshot and exhausted.  She was pale, gaunt, and sickly.  I was doing nothing for her but killing her.

“I’m sorry.” I muttered again.

“Frey, you don’t have to be sorry… I just… I want to help you…”

“There’s nothing you can do.  It won’t change anything.  If killing the son of a b***h didn’t change it, nothing will… I know he’s dead, and I know I should be moving on and getting stronger and all that s**t, but somewhere… somewhere in my head… It’s like I’m still there… in that f****n’ basement… With him.” I groaned, grabbing the pills from Rema’s hand and swallowing them dry. “I really just want it to be over.”

“I want it to be over too, Frey… I think about it a lot too, I have nightmares… I remember what… what I saw, what I felt, what happened… to you… I just want you to be happy, I want to be happy… I want us to be able to be happy together and have this all be over…” She said, her voice was small and gentle.  The pain and hurt in it, mixing with a touch of hope.

“That isn’t what I meant…” I sighed harshly, lying back down on the bed and covering my eyes with my arm. “I wanna die, Rema.”

I could hear the shock in her voice and the drop of her jaw with wide eyes without even looking at her, “Wha...What?”

“I want to f****n’ die, Rema.” I repeated, much louder and slower.

I heard her whimper, “Frey… I don’t want you to die, I-”

“Why’s it always about you!?” I screamed at her.

Why is she recovering already?  Why is she stronger than me?  Why is she able to take care of me, herself, and find a way to get money, while I can’t even f****n’ stand long enough to make a meal?  Why is she so hopeful?  How can she see a future, much less with me?

The hurt in her face was unmistakable, and her eyes dropped.  “I’m sorry, Frey… I just… I love you.”

I swallowed.  She had said it many times by now, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to even lie and repeat it.  I wanted to love her… but I didn’t.  I just didn’t.  I cared for her, and wanted to protect her… But I didn’t love her.  I didn’t need her, or lust after her, or think she was attractive, even though she was.  I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with her, either.

“How can I help you?” She asked again.

“You can’t.  Just leave me be.”

That morning, I heard her and Kacia arguing over bills again.  It woke me up, and I couldn’t ignore it and go back to sleep, so I just listened in…

“Well, you’re obviously not getting enough whatever the f**k you’re doing!  I’m barely paying the bills myself with literally all my paycheck, and what, you’re bringing in three or four hundred dollars a month?” Kacia’s voice boomed, “and that f****n’ homeless freak you brought in isn’t puttin’ in s**t, either!”

“Will you stop calling him that!  Like I said, I’m looking for another job.  Trust me, it’s not like I like taking money away from your damn partying!” Rema yelled back.  She sounded angry, and I wasn’t used to her sounding angry.  It kind of made me smirk.

“Oh, so you’re gonna pull that s**t up?  Okay, well at least I’m not spending every penny I have on medical supplies and pain pills for me and my junkie homeless boyfriend!”

“Like you’re so much better!  I’m trying to take care of Frey, and deal with my own s**t on top of it.  I’m not a junkie and neither is he.” Rema countered, “I care about him, stop talking about him like he’s nothing!”

“I mean, f**k… He treats you like s**t anyway, f****n’ ignores you, and screams at you for no reason.  Sounds a lot like your ex husband, huh?  You and your great taste in attracting trainwrecks.  Why don’t you just throw him back on the streets where he belongs?”

The monster stirred in its cage.

I heard a loud “SMACK” echo through the house, which I assumed was Rema slapping the hell out of that b***h.  Then there was a gasp, and Rema’s voice speaking slowly and in a threatening tone.

“You don’t ever say that s**t again… F*****g ever.”

The door bursted open shortly after and Rema stormed in, struggling with a lighter and her wrist brace as she bit down on a smoke.

“Need help?” I asked, sitting up.

She exhaled, and nodded, handing me a lighter and a smoke of my own.  I lit hers for her, then lit my own.

“Ya know… She’s probably right, I do belong on the streets… Not here.”

She glanced up, “You heard all that?” She asked, chewing on her lip. “f*****g b***h…”

I nodded once, “She’s a f****n’ w***e b***h, but she’s right… What the hell we doin’ here?”

Rema stared at me for a few minutes, her eyes searching mine. “We’re being there for each other.  We both have no one expect each other… We’re all we got, Frey.  I’m not just going to throw you away…”

“Ya probably should.” I whispered bitterly.

The lights flickered as I felt The Monster’s wrath grow.  “She’s better off without you, and you’re better off alone.”

I couldn’t help feeling like it was right.

  “Kill her.” It murmured.

I tried to ignore it as it feed me images of Rema and Kacia’s maimed and lifeless bodies.

Author's Note

Okay, so not really any warnings with this one. Since it's really pretty tame (in my book, that is). Just dealing with more aftermath of the prevous chapters.
So Kacia believes Frey's an ex gang member, and that's how him and Rema got hurt and Rema's going with it 'cause it's better than the truth.
Rema lost her job, started hooking again on the side, and is taking more care of Frey than herself right now.
And Frey's... Well, Frey is being Frey like always, self-loathing, hateful, angry Frey. Turns out killing the man didn't bring him the closure he thought, it only fucked him up more.
Oh, and now the Monster really wants Rema dead. Like, the monster's gonna cause some serious issues pretty soon.

Feedback and reviews make me extremely happy! So let me know what you think!
Thank you!

Reviews

[Kesha]

A wonderful chapter! Excited to see what the monster has Frey doing next...will Kacia finally get what's coming to her? I hope so!

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks for reviewing, Glad you're liking it. =) Made me very happy to wake up to so many awesome reviews! You just made my day and it's only 8:45am!

[Kesha]

You are very welcome! Glad I could be of service ;)

[matrixmark]

Have to say - I was quite surprised at how willing Kacia was to help 'fix' Frey - If it were me I'd be outta there like a shot. Kacia is striking me as a street wise person BUT will turn on you at any given time (just a feeling I have - if I'm wrong, then I'm wrong)
Also, before I go any further with is review, I would just like to say that it was good to come back and see that your consistancy had been kept up in regards to how well you write. I alwasy find myself flying through it - WELL DONE.

So, on with the review - So she's lost her job - that was to be expected BUT regarding the converstion Her and Frey had about 'the monster; - that was really well penned and I bet you were proud of yourself when you did actually write it.
Because of the way in which Rema is, and lets face it - shes as much as fucked in the head as Frey but in a different way. I wasn't actually surprised that she didn't believe Frey when he talked about 'the monster' The reason behind this, is because shes seen/done things that not a normal human being would ever see or do in their lifetime. So she is more mentally hardened to such things - other people may take a different view. But once you've been through what she's been through, then you see things much differently than others. All it all boils down as to how well you had written Remas part.
Quick note - You write about night terrors - I actually suffered them myself.
When you talked about Frey wanting to rip Kacias face off - at this point in the chapter, it was coming across to me that as Freys energy was building so to was his unstability.
And just as I thought - 'the monster' wants her dead.
I've always said all along that its gonna end in a mess. Will I be proved wrong or right? One thing is for sure - With these 3 in a house and all crazy in their own way - somethings definately gonna give.

Great read, Great continuation and most of all, it was a pleasure to have returned to this piece.

Mark.

[Sinbulvinter]

Kacia is a rather shady person, and usually only does things for her own gain or because she has to, which is why she helped Rema and Frey - She felt she had to, though she didn't really want to.
I'm glad you're still happy with my writing, it makes me feel really good that people think I write well. The feedback and support gives me the motivation to keep going and working on improving.

Frey's Monster has been a difficult thing for me, as I wasn't sure myself if I was going to turn this into a bit of a supernatural touch and actually make Frey possessed, or just have The Monster be a alter Frey created having Split Personalities. I changed my mind so many times on this, I just decided to leave it open to the reader to decide and not confirm it being one way or another.
And Yes, Rema is fucked up in the head as much as Frey, but just in a different way - Her emotional traumas made her weak and damaged, while Frey's made him bitter and unstable mentally. Which explains why Rema sees the Monster from a logical point of view, as a personality disorder and doesn't believe it's a demon or something. Frey's unstable state of mind makes him believe it's something bigger.

I've also suffered from night terrors myself, and the feeling was very hard to describe or explain and put in writing. I hope I was able to protray it carefully.

And Yes, at this point in the story, The Monster basically wants everyone dead. haha

Yes, it does end it a complete mess, but probably not in the way you expect.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I missed ya man!

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, my thoughts a few chapters back about Frey being relieved of the monster by killing the man was well and truly squashed. The monster v personality disorder is interesting to muse over and the backstory of how he got the monster, that was all really interesting the me. I do feel for Rema though, the whole job situation and Kacia's growing frustration. Good chapter. Izzy

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Yes, the man being killed didn't really get rid of the monster - or really bring him any closure, kinda goes to show Revenge never really makes anything better.
The Monster's left kinda open ended, I was going to make it be straightforward - He's possessed, but it seemed unrealistic, and I took that out. So, it's seen as either. Frey could actually be possessed, and that's what he believes, or all of it fueled a false idea in his head and he really just created an alter subconsciously to protect him, and just has personality disorder.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

The first surprise I got when I started this chapter was, no warnings in bold! that was a first I guess. And yeah pretty tame but rich in depth..

So Kacia bringing up the questions ad kinda answering them herself, that was good. Pretty much how it should be..

It was sad to know Rema lost her job but I expected that.

I didn't really think Frey would get that closure by killing the Man 'cause that would mean end of the novel haha and you're so not gonna let that happen lol :p

But I get Frey's feelings more than I get Rema.. Him hating himself, that vulnerable state of mind, very much understandable.. makes me sympathize with him at this point..

But Rema being skeptic about Frey being possessed, now that was something. She believes him to have a personality disorder.. hmm in a way I think that's what he has... but again it would be fun to read in the next volume ;P

The Monster taking control of Frey to kill them both - I'm already anticipating on that part.. I think he won't be able to control the monster...
This line here:
"We both have no one expect each other"
Should be: "except".. another small thing, but there you go lol couldn't resist :P

Moving on to read the next. :))

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, no warnings in this chapter. Actually a calm moment for a bit, actually the last couple chapters are pretty tame until the last one, maybe the last two.

Yeah, Kacia's nosey, but her own talkative nature answered her own questions... wrong answered too, which worked in favor of Rema and Frey... for now.

And you're right. Frey will never get any closure, or the story would end. Hell, I'd probably kill him before I'd give him any kind of closure, because I'm a cruel God of my created world. Although, I doubt I'd kill Frey, even with the characters being introduced in the next volume being pretty cool in my mind, I don't think I could kill Frey and contuine the story without him. I'd have to keep at least one character steadily throughout... But who knows, maybe I'll surprise the readers sometime and just get him killed. XP

And Frey is very messed up in the head right now, even makes me feel kinda bad and I created him and everything I did to him. aha.

Again, with Frey's monster, I'm leaning towards editting that and leaving it open ended, so the readers as well as the characters don't know for sure if it's a demon or a personality disorder. It's more logical to be personality disorder, though with how Frey is basically immortal and can't get killed despite all the fucked up s**t that happens to him, a demon could work too. But yeah, I'll probably edit and leave it open ended.

In a way, you're right but wrong about your preditation of the end. I don't think you'll expect it though.

Thanks for the correction. See what I mean, damn dyslexia mixing up my letters! Grr!


Thanks again for reading and reviewing! You're nearly done this volume now man!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah seems like you're confused yourself on keeping Frey alive lol but I think you will 😉😛 read moreHahah seems like you're confused yourself on keeping Frey alive lol but I think you will 😉😛

Hmm open ended is good. I think logically so yeah it's more like easier to believe in a disorder than a demon 😛

Ahh well, if I am wrong then I won't mind - surprises are good in books haha

And it's okay. I'll carry on pointing out 😉
You're welcome. And yes I'll be done with this tomorrow. I'm a fast reader 😛

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, I'd probably keep him alive through the series.

And I'll probably also go back and rewrite the stuff with The Monster, just leave it open ended.

You are a fast reader, that's pretty amazing. haha

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh if you'll rewrite just let me know when you do, I'll read again 😊
I know lol if your book was in hardcover I'd have completed in a few hours but reading it on screen is somewhat difficult lol 😛😛

[Sinbulvinter]

I did just rewrite it. I didn't really change much, 'cause not a lot needed to be changed. Just removed the supernatural aspects from the narriative, but the story's still very similar, Frey still thinks it's a demon, Rema thinks it's a personality disorder, but neither is proven or counted out.
Yeah onscreen reading can take a lot longer than actual books in paper.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I just read that one. It's cool. Leaving it open ended would help you in taking it either way in the next volume... The last dialogues did feel like you ended it quick though..

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, I'll probably read and add stuff in a bit, I'm actually gonna go take a nap. Being prego and all makes me so damn tired sometimes

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ahem okay.. Take it slow.. You seem to have a supernatural in yourself haha 😛😂

[Oneluv]

Ok...first off I really liked this chapter. I still dont like the friend but, im starting to worry if Frey would be able to control the monster. I wonder what they are going to do about money. I hope the friend dont put her out. I cant wait to read the next chapter!

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Kacia can go either way, and can't really be trusted and will start a issue with them in the future.
As for Frey and his monster, that's up in the air as to whether or not he could control it if it did decide to do something rash.