Chapter ThirteenA Chapter by Sinbulvinter Rema begins trying to get her life together and stop killing, wanting to live a normal life - finally confessing her feelings to Frey, she's crushed when it doesnt go as she planned. -Rema- I didn’t think any less of Frey since he told me about his past, but I honestly couldn’t look at him the same. I always saw him as just a twisted, hateful person who had no regard for human life, it was hard to even think of him as human for a while. But since he told me what really happened to him, I saw him in a different light… He was still the same bitter and warped person, but I finally knew why he was that way and I saw him more as a damaged child on the inside and began wondering if all that indifference and rage was just a front to cover how broken he really was. He was more like me than I thought. Someone controlled and haunted by his past abuse. We both were abused, raped, and treated like dirt. We both had horrible things about the world and ourselves pushed in our heads. We both had demons that drove us to kill. We both were very similar and been through much of the same things, just took it differently… I stayed the victim, and even killed as a victim and pitied myself while he became the monster that raised him, and cut off any emotions he had. I sat outside on my smoke break, tipsy from the shots I had inside. I still thought about Zekk, and even with him being dead for over a month, sometimes I still expected him to call me for coffee or show up to drive me home. The memories of that night felt more like a nightmare than reality, and a part of me still couldn’t believe it. I pretended it didn’t bother me, and pushed it into the back of my mind for Frey’s sake, since he never really recovered from it… But sometimes, when no one was around, I cried. In the last four and a half weeks, I only killed twice. I had cut down since Zekk’s death and I really wanted to stop… I knew it would only get me in trouble, and one day it would get me killed. I wanted to believe I could live a normal life, maybe even with Frey, but I had to take it day by day. After work, I sat on the curb by the liquor store with a pint of vodka in my palm and a smoke between my fingers, thinking. I tried to feel something, but I just felt numb. I’d cry, but it didn’t feel like my own tears. After a while, the pain and sorrow left and all I felt was empty… It felt strange for me and I wondered if this was how Frey felt all the time, numb and void of any emotions. I knew I should feel something, but I couldn’t. I stumbled home, drunk and lonely as I entered my apartment. The door slammed shut as I nearly fell onto the floor and Frey’s head snapped up from the table where I guessed he fell asleep. “You good?” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. I caught sight of the dried lines of blood stemming from under his sleeves. “I’m fine, just drunk… What’s that?” I pointed towards his arm and he looked down, shrugging. “You gonna hit me again?” He smirked, and it shot pain into my chest. “No, I just wish you’d stop doing that s**t.” I sighed, sitting down beside him. He edged down the couch. “You’re drinking yourself to death, ain’t that much different than me cuttin’ myself.” “Isn’t that some teenage s**t though?” He glared at me, “I wouldn’t know. Ain’t drinkin’ some mid-life crisis s**t? How’s that gonna help ya? I cut ‘cause it feels good, not ‘cause i wanna escape and run from s**t.” “Frey, you’re actually pretty smart.” He chuckled, flashing that crooked smirk I’d grown quite fond of by now. “For a homeless killer with no education?” “No, just for a person. You’re wise.” He just looked at me awkwardly, then shrugged. I sighed in the silence, glancing over at him as he picked at the crusted blood on his hands. “Frey, have you ever been with a woman?” The cigarette in his mouth nearly fell to the floor before he caught it, cussing when it burned his fingers. “What?” “Have you ever slept with a woman?” He raised an eyebrow, “Uh, no… Who’d want to sleep with me? And I ain’t into rapin’ my victims.” “I’d sleep with you…” I said, shyly. His eyes only got wider. “What?” “I think you’re… different from most men now a day. You’re real, honest, and actually kind of cute, when you aren’t being a total reckless maniac.” I said, leaning back thoughtfully. “You aren’t completely heartless, even though you act like you are. You’re supportive emotionally, even if you’re a bit blunt. You also tried to protect me when all that happened with Zekk, meaning you can care if you allow yourself to get close to someone. Honestly, I’ve had these feelings for a while, and I think I’d like to know you more… as a lover and a partner.” He let out a harsh exhale, rubbing his head. “Listen, Rema… You’re a sweet girl, and you’re beautiful… but…” “There’s always a but.” My heart sank into my stomach and I looked down. “Just listen, okay… I… I can’t be with you like that. I can’t be close to someone, or be a boyfriend or husband in a relationship, I can’t even understand sex because the only experiences I’ve had have been against my will and trust me, I was never the “male” role. I’m not even sure if I’m capable of love… Why would you even want someone like me?” He couldn’t look at me, his voice was thick and his face turned red. For a moment, he looked so small. “Frey, why would you say something like that? Of course I want you, I-” He cut me off, his head snapping up. “Rema. I’m a homeless freak with no education or way to make a living to support myself or you. I’m socially retarded, fucked up in the head, and hate everyone and everything. I grew up in a basement, being beaten senseless, fucked, and forced to kill and mutilate people. I’m a murderer and I enjoy killing people - I don’t even regret it. I can’t change the person I am, I’ll be like this until I die… And honestly, Rema, Zekk was right and I’m just bad for you…” I saw so much in his eyes. The pale blue and blinded eye stared into my soul. I saw pain, confusion, self-hatred, bitterness, and anger swirl in them - all overpowered by complete and utter hopelessness. “Frey… I don’t care about any of that. What happened to you doesn’t make me think any less of you. Being homeless and unable to support me doesn’t bother me. I’m a murderer too, so that doesn’t mean much to me either. I don’t care that you’re damaged, I completely understand… But Frey, you aren’t a lost cause… You deserve love. You don’t deserve to be alone for the rest of your life.” I tried to explain in my drunken state, poured my heart out and gave it to him. “You can change, find happiness, settle down… I want you to be happy, with me…” “Rema, you don’t understand-”
“I do!” I screamed, the tears I’d been holding back finally starting to fall. “No! F**k, Rema! No you don’t! So you got beat and raped by husband, then you killed the b*****d. You lost your friends, got betrayed by those you loved, and all that. I get it, you’re damaged and kill people and have problems, but it isn’t the same. You don’t understand and you couldn’t understand! You were normal once, you could be normal again. All I’ve known is pain, suffering, and murder. I’ve never had a shred of normal in my whole f****n’ life! So, no, Rema, you don’t f*****g understand!” He nearly screamed in my face, all those emotions being replaced with anger and… Jealousy? “Frey… I…” “No, you just don’t f*****g get it! I never had a chance to be normal like you did, so I can never stop being how I am. I never had a family. I never had friends. I never had nobody in my damn life besides a sadistic monster and a voice I hear in my head! Do you have any idea what that’s like? To be alone, and hurt, and cold, and hungry with not one person who even cared I was being starved and tortured? Can you even imagine something like that?!” He stood at this point, pacing around the room while he shouted. “You can’t, because if you did you’d know there is no f*****g way I could live a normal life! There’s no way I could have sex with you without thinking about that man. No way I could go more than a week without killing someone. No way… I could love you.” “You… You don’t love me?” I asked, my voice quiet. His shoulders shrunk and he looked away, “No… I don’t… I’m sorry.” My heart broke, and I broke down sobbing. He just stood there, an awkward look on his face as he shifted on his feet. “I should leave…” He mumbled, and before I could even bring myself to look up… He was gone. // -Frey- I was angry with myself for doing that and saying all that to Rema, but it was the truth… I cared about her, and I wanted to love her, but I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t live a normal life and be what she wanted. I wouldn’t be able to settle down and be some normal guy, have kids and a wife, a house and a dog. I couldn’t do it… Not while that f****r was alive. “Going back is suicide.” The Monster reminded me. “I’ll kill him… I can’t f*****g stand it anymore…” I said as I walked down the highway, my thumb out towards the road. I needed closure to start a new life. To even think about moving forward, I needed to kill the person who held me back. “All for this silly woman, you’ll throw your life away.” “I have to do it.” I saw lights slow, and a trucker pulled over and asked me where I was headed. I calmly got into the truck and sat quietly as he drove for hours. He tried to make small chat, but I barely listened to what he was saying. All I could think about was finally putting an end to this, finally killing the person who caused me so much pain and fucked my head up so badly. I noticed a car following, but I choose to ignore it and doze off as the man drove me across state lines. I woke up to the trucker shaking my shoulder, “Hey, kid…” He said, his gruff voice attempting to be gentle. I snapped awake, looking around. “You sure this is the right place?” He asked. There was woods all around the small road, a broken down gas station up towards the left with a dirt road stemming off to the right. It was just becoming morning, and the fog made the forest look even creepier and I felt a sick feeling rise in my stomach. “Yeah, this is it…” © 2017 SinbulvinterAuthor's Note
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6 Reviews  Last Updated on April 20, 2017 Tags: serial killers, murder, horror, thriller, psychological, hurt/comfort, dark themes Author
SinbulvinterEphrata, PAAboutI am a Twenty-Five year old Writer and Mother of a Two Year Old Daughter and pregnant with a little boy on the way! I am a shaman, too empathetic for my own good, and a Major Horror Junkie who is obs.. more..Writing
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