Chapter Twelve

Rema isn't used to coming home and finding people trying to kill themselves in her bedroom.

Warning: Triggers.  Chapter contains a suicide attempt, that's rather graphic, minor violence that could be seen as abuse, descriptions of rape, torture, and physical abuse,  Victim shaming and pretty awful views about one's self... and this is just all over depressing...  My Serial Killer Novel turned emo for a few chapters, sorry... 

-Rema-

I came home early, and didn’t expect what I found.  I walked into my bedroom to see Frey cutting his arms in a daze while blood covered his lap, the floor, and my bed.

“Frey, what the hell?” I walked over quickly, shaking off the shock.  What was he doing?  Why isn’t he stopping?  He didn’t even stop when I yelled to him, he kept going like I wasn’t there.

“Frey, knock it off.” I grabbed his arm, but he yanked it away, cutting over and over like he was trying to kill himself.

He didn’t seem any more depressed or suicidal than usual before this.  He was a little more quiet and slept less, but I figured he was going through an insomniac spell and it would pass.  I never thought I’d find him doing something like this.

I grabbed him again, and he shoved me away this time. “Frey, stop. You’re going to bleed out!”  I was beginning to panic, I couldn’t get through to him and I felt helpless.

The blood was draining quickly, and he was white as a sheet.  I didn’t know how much longer he’d last at this rate.

“Frey, stop!” I grabbed him again, my grip tighter and when he went to shove me, I smacked him.  It was all I could think of doing, knocking some f*****g sense into him.

He didn’t even seem to notice I hit him, and just yanked away as hard as he could as he continued to cut himself.  He angered me, made me feel worthless and like I meant nothing to him.  He didn’t even care I was sobbing at this point, worried I’d lose him right in front of me.

I slapped him again, screaming at him to “knock it off!” but he ignored me, shoving me away each time I hit him and going right back to bleeding all over my floor.

“Frey, you stupid f*****g idiot! Will you stop trying to kill yourself in my bedroom!” I finally snapped, and punched him in the mouth hard enough to knock him to the floor and send the razor flying a good few feet away.

He didn’t move from where he fell, his eyes not even bothering to look up and hiding behind that mess of hair.  Suddenly, he went for the razor again and I tried to stop him, grabbing his arm.  He backhanded me hard across the face, and I lost it, hitting him over the head and across his face until he stopped hitting me back.

I sat there, my knees soaked in blood, my hands and face sore, staring at the bruises already darkening on his cheek.  He didn’t make eye contact.

“Are you done being an idiot?” I asked as I panted.

His eyes changed, and before I even knew it he grabbed me by the throat and pinned me down to the wall, my feet barely touching the ground.  I don’t even know how he got me there that fast.  He stared at me, his eyes narrowed and teeth bared.

The air was knocked out my lungs as soon as I hit the wall, and his grip was so tight I couldn’t even breathe the air back in. “Frey, that hurts…”

He growled at me like an animal.

“Please, Frey… Hurts…”

“Oh, so you can just smack me around all you want, but I can’t hurt you?”

I almost cried again, I couldn’t believe I lost myself and started hitting him like that, but the marks on his face proved it. “I’m sorry, you were hurting yourself.”

“So I can’t hurt myself, or hurt you, but you can just beat the s**t out of me, eh?” He hissed sarcastically into my face.  

“I was trying… to stop you…” I gasped, when he pulled me back and slammed me into the wall again.

“BULLSHIT!” He screamed.

“Frey, I can’t breathe.”

My lungs burned, and my vision started seeing spots of blacks and whites.

“Stop me? Yeah, no, that ain’t gonna help much.  The Man used to beat me bloody after I cut myself, and I still didn’t stop… But A for effort!” He had such a dark and sarcastic tone to his voice, laced with hatred and bitterness. “It’s a great idea though.  Stupid f*****g Frey, trying to kill himself again and can’t even do that right!  I know, maybe if we beat the daylights out of him enough he’ll stop being such a f**k up!”

“Frey, I…”

He slammed me into the wall again, and my head started to spin.

“Try locking me in a closet and denying me food for days.  That always worked the best.  Or, try that belt you got on!” He suddenly let go of my throat and I gasped for air as he undid my belt and yanked it off.

My mind flashed to my ex husband, and for a moment I thought Frey would force himself on me, but instead he dropped to his knees after he tore his shirt off over his head.  He shoved the belt into my hands.

“Go on, beat me for being such a f*****g idiot!” he turned his back towards me, showing all those horrible scars. “A whip would work much better, but all you got is that belt, so you might as well teach me a f****n’ lesson sice you wanna replace the man now!”

“Frey, stop.” I gasped, still trying to breathe, “I’m not going to beat on you.”

“Why not?  I can take it.  He’d beat me everyday, for hours sometimes.  I’d beg him to stop, but he’d just beat me for crying then.” He said it with a smirk, the most sickening and saddest smirk I’ve ever seen.  

“Frey…” I dropped the belt and he suddenly turned around. “Get off the floor…”

“It’s fine, you can just use your hands if you want.  Or kick me and stomp on me until you break my bones-”

“Frey, get off the floor… I’m not going to hurt you, I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t listening, he just went on, telling me all kinds of horrible and depraved things I could do to hurt him.  He told me about being thrown down stairs, waterboarded, beaten with blunt objects, and tased all as a form of punishment.  I don’t know what dam I broke, but I couldn’t handle the waves.

He told me to get creative, then offered himself up to me for sex.  He told me he was used to being forced into depraved sexual acts, and described each sick one to me in graphic detail.

He let it all out, and he just wouldn’t stop.  He laughed about it, a shrill and unstable laugh that hurt my ears.  I thought he was losing his mind.

“Frey, I’m not going to punish you.  Why are you telling me all this?” I screamed, my tears were starting to dry up.  I was horrified, and this was my fault. “com’on, get off the floor.”

“You wanted to f*****g know so bad! Now you know! Hell, you can do the same things to me. I don’t care.” I saw tears brim in his eyes, and his laughing began to turn into gasps.  His voice got thick. “All I’m god for anyway… just a useless unwanted b***h, f*****g pathetic mistake that f***s everything up… I’m f****n’ useless anyway, no wonder he beat the s**t out of me.  He’d always say it - All I was good for was killing people and being fucked like a two-bit w***e-” He was crying now, openingly.  I knew he didn’t want to tell me these things by the blush of embarrassment on his face, but he couldn’t stop for some reason.

“Frey, stop… I can’t…”

“You wanted to know!” He screamed, sobbing to the point he was hyperventilating. “When he was really pissed at me, he’d-”

“Frey, Stop!” I screamed, “Stop! I can’t take hearing this right now.  Stop!” I grabbed his arms, and shook him. “I don’t want to hurt you, I’m sorry I hit you like that… I’m… I’m not him, I’m not going to do those things to you…”

He finally broke down, and dropped his head.  I pulled him into my arms.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know… I didn’t know it was that bad… I didn’t know he was so cruel to you… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Frey…” My own sobs started back up, and I rocked him back and forth.  “You didn’t deserve that.  No one deserves that kind of suffering and torture, no matter what they did or who they are.  You didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t get it… If I didn’t deserve it why’d he do it?  Why’d he hurt me?  Why’d you hurt me, and those guys? and pretty much anybody I’ve ever come in contact with?  What is it about me that makes everyone hate me so much?  What’d I do?”

“You didn’t do anything Frey, You-”

“I did… I’m a f*****g idiot.” He dug his fingernails into my skin, shaking. “Why am I crying? No one f****n’ cares… No one f****n’...”

“Stop, Frey… You’re wrong.  I care.  It hurts to see you like this… I never… I never knew you were hurt so bad.  I’m sorry.” I couldn’t believe I was so heartless, so careless.  I should have known better… I did just what that man did…. Just what my husband did to me.  “Frey, I love you…”

I held him for hours, he wouldn’t let me go until he cried so hard he fell asleep, and I cleaned and bandaged the many gashes in his arms.  Then, I just sat there and cried in self loathing.

//

-Frey-

Rema and I sat in silence for almost all breakfast the next day, and it was starting to get really awkward.  I regretted telling her all that the night before.  She must have thought I was some kind of freak, she must be disgusted with me.

I didn’t want to tell her, and I never planned to even let her know more than the little bits I decided to tell her.  I didn’t want to tell her how I was beaten, tormented, raped, and treated worse than an animal.  I didn’t want her knowing all the depraved s**t that The Man did to me… But it all just came out.  When she started smacking me around, I just flashed back to the person I used to be.

“Frey…” She finally broke the silence, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “Why did you tell me all that last night? ...In that way?” She seemed to think about her words as she said them, like she wasn’t sure if she should.

I shrugged, but didn’t answer her.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I hit you…” She finally got me to look up, and I was disgusted by the pity on her face.

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not… I… I shouldn’t have done that.  I was abused too, I knew it was wrong... and I knew because of your scars something awful happened… I didn’t know it was that bad…”

“Do I disgust you?”

Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she swallowed hard. “Of course not… Frey, none of that was your fault.  I don’t think any less of you.”

I chewed on my lip, moving the oatmeal around with my spoon.

“How did all that happen?  I don’t… Really understand…”

“Well… I don’t even know myself how I got there, I can’t remember.  I know he wasn’t family - made that obvious… But I can’t remember my family at all, even my name, nothin’...  I just remember him and that basement… When I was young… He wasn’t so bad… He’d still kill people in front of me, hit me every once in awhile, and keep me chained up… He touched me a lot, but that was about it… It was when I started getting older that he really started getting cruel…  He said I was supposed to be a man, not a little b***h anymore… He expected more out of me, and when I couldn’t bring myself to kill someone, or if I got afraid or I cried, he’d just beat the s**t out of me… He broke out the belt and started full on raping me when I was still young, I don’t know how old but maybe mid-teens… I don’t even know how old I am now.  When I became an adult, he really got sadistic… Torture, depraved me of food and sleep, used my body for hours and made sure it hurt, He locked me in closets, used a taser on me often… He’d insult me constantly just to wear me down and make me f*****g hate myself…”

She stared at me, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “How’d you get away from him?”

“This voice… In my head… It came around years after he started getting real mean and s**t… It kept telling me to kill him and escape, calling me weak and saying I deserved better.  It gave me the strength one day, and I attacked him while he had his guard down… I ran…  I know he’s out there, and I wish I could kill him… I really do…”

“You’re free now, Frey… You survived all that.”

“I’m not free… Not really.  I’ll always look over my shoulder…”

“Why didn’t you tell someone what happened to you when you escaped?  Go to a hospital or the police?  I mean, how long ago was that?”

I shrugged, “About three, four years ago… He told me if I told anyone what he did, I’d go down too since I killed people as well… and they’d throw me in a hole forever…”

She gasped, “Frey, that’s not true.  You could have gotten help! You were being forced to do those things.”

“I know,” I muttered, “Now… Back then, I still believed him and by the time I figured it out it was too late and I already started killing people.”

“That’s awful Frey…”

“I want to kill him.” I told her, my voice trying to find it’s strength. “I’ll never be free or able to live knowing he’s out there.”

“If it’s been this long and he hasn’t found you, he probably won’t.” She said thoughtfully.  Hopeful… She’s too hopeful.

“No.  he deserves to die, whether he’ll find me or not.   I don’t care if he’s not looking, I always feel like he is… Like he could pop out at any second and drag me back to that basement and beat the s**t out of me again… I’m not really free, and I won’t be until he’s dead.  he deserves to die for what he’s done.”

I did want to kill him… So bad.  And especially after the whole thing with Zekk, I realized I couldn’t run from what happened to me.  I wanted to find The Man, and finally put an end to it.

“I don’t think you should… What if… He hurts you, or tricks you…  I’d hate for you to end up in a situation like that again.” She chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes unable to look at me.

“I have to do it, one day…”

She swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable by this.  She knew she couldn’t talk me out of it, and more and more I started realizing I had to do it.  Rema was a kind woman, even though she was a killer, but she couldn’t understand.   She could stop if she wanted to, if she really tried.  She had only killed for a few years, and the man who awoke the monster within her, she even killed the only other person who knew what she did.   She wasn’t too far gone.

Me, I couldn’t stop as easily as she could.  All I knew was murder, I saw it as a child and began taking lives as a teenager.  Plus, the man who made me this way is still out there, and I couldn’t even think of moving forward until I got closure and killed that son of a b***h.  Otherwise, he’d always have control over me, just like the Monster he invoked in that house that followed me everywhere.  I couldn’t even think about being normal until he was dead…

Author's Note

Multi chapters, read previous first.

Okay, so... People may hate Rema now for kind of beating up on Frey, or hate Frey for kinda beating up for Rema... Theyre both fucked up, don't get mad at them... My angsty serial killers and their toxic relationship.

But Yeah... Frey's suicidal... Like usual... But appearently if you hit him hard enough he'll tell you all his secrets!
Wow, I'm getting fucked up writing this shit...

Any reviews, comments, or feedback is LOVED. And I thank everyone and anyone who reads this far! Especially after the whole rape thing and attempted gang rape in that one chapter... yeahhhh...

Reviews

[Kesha]

You can really feel the emotions between these 2, nicely conveyed, I like that he finallyyyyyy opened up to her!

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, he can open up to people - You just gotta hit'em hard enough. haha.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Glad you're liking it so far

[Kesha]

Haha I guess so xD and you're welcome!

[CAPOLAVORO]

I am starting to love Frey more and more now. There is something in him. He has a lot of emotions going on. I would Like Rema to be dead now. So jealous of her. haha your story is taking me to a whole new place now.

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, everybody seems to like Frey. That makes me very happy my brooding mouthy little a*****e serial killer has so many fans.
Ohhh, and becareful of what you wish for for rema. haha.
I'm glad you're liking the story so much. Thanks for reviewing and reading.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, I felt Frey more in this chapter when he talked about the man. For me those words were really deeply felt, the suffering conveyed strongly. I can't wait for Frey to catch-up with the man, and a part of me wonders how this will impact on his monster?
Really great detail graphic imagery between Frey and Rema. Awesome chapter. Izzy

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Oh oh I wasn't expecting Rema to say that ILY bit lol that was too emo plus I think it didn't register in Frey's head haha

These were some good graphic details you gave here! I couldn't feel anger for anyone of them for beating the s**t out of each other. It was just what I expected Rema to do after seeing Frey like that to stop him. And Frey's reaction too was normal, more like the monster in him woke up... But his vulnerable side is too vulnerable that one can't help feel sorry.
And his wanting to kill that Man is what I want done too!

In this line here:
"He didn’t even stop when I yelled to him"
Should be 'yelled at him' ...

Other than that it's perfect and I really liked this chapter!
Still have bad feelings about Rema being killed by Frey though but I'm having thoughts that maybe this could be the other way round too lol

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.
And yeah, Frey didn't really process the whole ILY thing. Lol.

And yeah, they're both pretty screwed up and it's expected for them to just snap and start beating the hell out of each other. They both need some help.
And that is kind of the thing about Frey, he's a total jerk most of the time and borderline sadistic, but he's got a real vulnerable and broken up side inside of him.

Thanks for showing me the corrects, as well. I'll be sure to get that fixed!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

It would have been shocking if he had processed that lol 😛

Yeah, I think they're both twisted but in an understandable way. I get them now more than I did in the last chapters...

You're welcome! I'll keep on pointing wherever I see the need 😉😊

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah it takes a while to get my characters and actually understand them. But I'm glad you do! You leaning towards a favorite yet?

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ahhh that's a very difficult question. I thought I would have liked Rema but I like Frey more, probably because of his history which is weird 'cause he aint a hot guy and I like good lookin' guys in books too haha so this a first lol but I might switch! Who knows maybe I'll end up liking the Man 😛😂😂

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, there's where everyone seems to lean. I thought more people would like Rema rather than Frey, since Rema's more relatable and actually as morals, while Frey's kind of a messed up jerk. But Everyone seems to like Frey more. Hah.
Yeah, Frey's not really a hot guy. I mean, he's homeless, covered in scars, and talks like a redneck with the clothes of a bum and the hair of a emo kid that just rolled out of bed. Haha. His history and his attitude makes him more likable though, I guess, since he's a bit deeper of a character than Rema is. Plus he's got that dark and damaged complex the chick's seem to dig these days. Lol.
Haha, if you like good lookin' guys, you probably won't like the man too much. He's basically a freakin' backwoods redneck who murders people and kidnaps and rapes little boys. lol. But the man's personality is likable... For me at least. Just cause he's such a sadistic a*****e.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Hahah you got me confused again on who to like lol 😛😛
And you're supposed to like your characters since you created them haha even if they are sadistic a******s lol 😂😛

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, I like all my characters, even if they're fucked up sadistic a******s like the man, mouthy insenstive jerks like frey, or Paranoid PTSD victims like Rema.

[matrixmark]

Frey most certainly need help, but poor Rema having to come home to find him self harming. Even though Rema slapped it, becuase he didn't retaliate shows that he maybe slightly controlling 'his monster' (But I doubt it will last for long) Even though brief, there were good graphic images of Rema sat in a pool of blood as Frey finally gave up and lie on the floor. But then you flip it round and Frey gets up as 'the monster' begins to take control. I do feel for them both - its one hell of a mixed up situation for them both and neither of them have asked to be this way. Both of them tipped over the edge in this and the dark moments were really good to read. But in those dark moments came some soft moments too as Frey opened up towards Rema and gave a rare glimpse of the other side to his personality.

When Frey talked about the man and the basement. I really felt his words come through. I just felt that it needed to come out. Again, even though it was brief - it must have been so hard for Frey to talk about his depraved childhood and how he got raped and had to watch people being killed in front of him. Obviously seeing things like that would damage anybody. Its a wonder he has survived for this. It got me thinking too, and I dont know why - is this man actually watching Frey drift around. The reason why I say this, is because for a man to do such things to another human being and to let him escape, would surely play on his mind - knowing that he is out there and could call the authorities at any time. I feel for both Frey and Rema in different ways BUT i still fear its not going to end good. Either could get help but the fact that they haven't says a lot to me. There is still a hell of a lot to think about underneath the surface. The phycology of it all is very deep and unevering.

Mark.

[Sinbulvinter]

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me to hear your feedback.

This chapter was... well, really difficult to write, but I'm glad I was able to put across the right emotions.

And you're right, Frey really does have some issues and needs help, but being who and where he is in life, he couldn't really get it. It makes the situation very upsetting for Rema, because she doesn't really know what to do about any of it. Her hitting him was more so out of frustation and not knowing what to do, as well as almost mimicking her ex husband with his actions of anger. They're both pretty damaged people.

In Frey's backstory, I feel like I kinda went a little over board, but frey is such a disturbed and borderline sadistic person with literally no remorse for what he does, I feel like I had to make his purpose and reasonings for his actions fit. He's a fucked up dude so he had a fucked up past. heh.

Thanks again for reading! I'm really like you're liking it.

[Oneluv]

I hope that Frey gets help. I wonder if killing the man would also kill the monster. Maybe, oneday he'll be normal. Rema needs help too but, shes better off than Frey. Im happy they found each other.

[Sinbulvinter]

Yeah, Frey does need help, but sadly, with his current place (No name, being a homeless killer) he probably couldn't get help unless he got arrested...
Rema has issues, but she isn't as bad as Frey, at least in this current part of the story.
In the beginning, Freys the more stable one and Rema's a mess, and their roles reverse as the story goes on. And Rema starts getting her s**t together while Frey just goes right on down the rabbit hole of insanity over here.
And Yes, Frey's going to try to kill the man, but unfortunitly it wouldn't effect the Monster, since the monster is seen as either a supernatural force or an altered version of Frey that he created to cope with the abuse he dealt with as a child, so it isnt really connected to the man, but itd give Frey some closure to kill him anyway, and help him start to move on. Or at least that's what he thinks.
They're good together, but like the perfect example of a toxic relationship. lol.

Thanks for reviewing.