Ch1 - The Duke's Pendant

A simple job.

The young male, dark hair, and pale skin stared up at the sky.
The stars littered the sky, keeping the night's darkness at bay.
He was thinly built, and dressed in dark fabric stained with red.
His clothing covered nearly all skin.

His mouth was covered, leaving nothing under his purple eyes exposed.
His outfit seemed to contain pieces of armor in specific locations.
Each piece was placed in a location that didn't impede movement, yet offered protection.

He was laying there seemingly at peace, before there was a ruckus causing him to sit up.
He had been laying on the roof of a castle.
He moved to the edge of the roof, and leaned over the edge looking into the window.
Everyone was running about, panic had set in.
The male smiled under his mask, and suddenly kicked in the window.
He pushed off the edge, and tackled the chandelier, causing it to fall to the ground.
It shattered, and the room was suddenly pitch black.
The panicking crowd, now screamed.
The male was hanging on the line from the chandelier, with one hand.
He  watched all the people run about, most trying to get out.
Many were shouting,
'We're under attack'
'we're all gonna die'
'I don't want to die'
'help'
The male chuckled, the chaos was pleasant and the perfect distraction.

He made two red claw daggers appear, and quietly climbed across the ceiling of the room.
He got to the door, before letting the daggers disappear.
He dropped, and landed without a noise.
He gently avoided someone bumping him, and moved thru a door.
The room still had a bit of candle light, but he deftly jumped behind a cabinet before he was spotted.
He pulled himself up over the cabinet so he could see the room without being spotted.
The room lacked in panicking guests instead had a few guards, and an old man slumped over the desk.
The guards were on edge. One kept rubbing his face.
The male climbed back down, before grabbed part of the baseboard, and ripped a small piece off.
He then chucked it, and it clunked the window.
All guards turned to the window, the one rubbing his face slower to turn than the rest.

The male smirked, and sprinted thru the curtains hanging in the room.
Clearly the room was meant to give an air of elegance, and superiority.

He then came to a door, and ducked down.
A red liquid from his outfit forced into the lock, and sprang it, letting him in.
He closed the door behind himself, and hoped his luck was good.
He waited a moment, to ensure none of the guards had noticed him, before taking a deep breath of relief.
The room he'd entered was empty, and dark.
Two things he liked.
He gently moved, his steps silent.
He came to a small cabinet,  before yanking it open.
Inside was an old man, looked rather similar to the man who'd been slumped over the table.
"Purpura?!" the old man shouted.
The male quickly covered the old man's mouth, with his hand.
He looked to the door, no noise.

The male then looked to the man, and formed a small red liquid ball in his hand.
The man stared at the ball, and tried to shake his head in protest.
In one motion the male removed his hand from the man's mouth and shoved the ball in.
Much to quick for any shout or protest on the old man's part.
The male held his hand there, for just a moment, before standing and removing his hand.
The old man attempted to shout, even speak. But his throat was clogged.
The male smirked, before he grabbed a beautiful and obviously pricey pendant and ripped it off the man.
He then shoved the man back into the cabinet as the man obviously began to choke and suffocate.

The male then moved to the door, and listened for noise.
The guards were still in the room, some walking, others just standing.
How to get out? Surely at least one guard was watching the door.
There was no way to open the door, and not be spotted. There was nowhere else to hid in the small room.
There was no window, the male looked about trying to figure out what to do.
This was a covert op, he couldn't be seen.
And to start killing guards would just cause problems.
A thought occurred to the male, and he focused.
He was able to see the blood flowing thru the guards, it took a lot of focus to keep track of six guards though.
Just getting one to collapse would take all the guards' attention.
He focused in on a guard near the window.
He took a slow deep breath, before forcing the guard's blood to stop.
The guard suddenly drop, he released the guard's blood he couldn't kill the man.
The other guards quickly reacted.
The couple who were looking at the door went over.
The male smirked, before quietly opening the door and slipping behind a curtain.
The guard who'd collapsed began to stir, and the others looked confused.
They went back to their spots.
The male gently moved around the curtains in the room, watching the guards' gaze.
He finally made it to the window, but one guard had his gaze fixed on the window.
If he dropped the guard, others would look and their gaze would be on the window.
If he dropped another, it would be extremely suspicious, put them all on even higher alert.
Certainly no one would move from their position.
He needed a distraction, and a good one.

Suddenly they all turned to a door, even the male looked to the door.
The door had burst in, and standing was woman in hysterics was crying and shouting in a foreign language.
From the occasional words the male understood, the dead man slumped over the desk was her husband.
He smirked, as the guards were attempting to calm/quiet the woman.
He quickly jumped crashing the window open, and then began to free-fall.

His dissent felt like it took forever, though he knew he was falling rather quickly. 
In glancing up, he saw a guard peering out the window.
His dark clothes let him disappear before the guard spotted him.
The male quickly created a red 'board'.
He hit a curved roof, and the red liquid board, caused him to not break bones, but instead allowed a fast slide along the roof.
The roof ended, and he disappeared the board, before suddenly crashing into a tree.
He sighed, all tangled in the branches, before fidgeting a bit and falling out of the tree, hitting the ground.
He stood up and dusted off.
Job Accomplished.

Reviews

[Sora The Egotistical]

That's certainly an unorthodox style of writing you have there. Almost like poetry or prose, takes some getting used to but I don't think that's a bad thing. Stylistically, the only thing I'll say is that you may want to work on expanding your vocabulary/word choice and strengthening your imagery (unless certain things being vague is intentional).

Opening right in the middle of the action is a classic maneuver but can be confusing if not enough context is provided; I'm not sure yet where the plot is going so I can't really determine that here, but I'm at least curious to see what this is all about. The character (Who I assume is Purpura?) seems intimidating and, I guess vengeful is maybe the right word. He's somewhat cold and remorseless, and seems to find doing these things highly amusing. I got the sense that he was in over his head a little, but by the end I guess that's not the case. (All this sneaking around guards and silently taking them out makes me think of playing Arkham Knight lol).

In any case, this seems to be a solid introduction. Good work.

[SinTrustless]

Thank you, for your review.

In reading other people's writing I do see the stylist thing. I'm glad it doesn't seem to make it confusing. I long ago realized that I tend to read the first and last sentence of paragraphs. So, when writing my story, I wanted to avoid paragraphs. So that each sentence seems important.

On the vocabulary/word choice, I do have a slight bit of trouble noticing such things in my own writing. I'll give it another read thru, and see if I can't expand on the vocabulary. And the imagery is purposely left rather vague. I want to allow people their own imaginations. Every person has their own idea of 'elegance' or a 'castle'. So, I leave it to them to decide.

Also, in truth, when I first wrote this chapter I didn't have a plot in mind. I was simply writing out a 'job', to show a friend an example of a job that Purpura might take. I'm glad he seems intimidating, I often worry that he isn't intimidating.

I agree as to your Arkham Knight comment, though this chapter's actions was more inspired by the game Thief. I have had friends state it reads much like a video game/video game cut scene, or like an anime episode.

Again, thank you for your review. Sorry if my response seems long winded, I hope you will review future chapters or other stories.

[Richard Patrick]

your story is unique, As the other writer says, you have written this like a poem in the beginning. The story has quite a hook, yo u have caused the reader to take note. Your description is very good. I felt as if I was there. With the your theif to steal the pendent. I found it to be interesting, If you are going to write more of this let me know. I have found it very interesting.

[gentlekindness]

Good beginning for the book. It starts right into action and captivates the reader's interest as to what will happen next.
Annie💕💃💃💕

[SinTrustless]

Thank you, it was my hope to catch people's interest and poke their curiosity. I hope it keeps your interest thru it's entirety.

[NightWatch]

Your writing style is new to me, but I think it works for what you're going with. It kind of sets a pace to the story.
I noticed that he does a lot of smiling lol XDD
Also, I'm assuming that he's using magic. I'm really curious about those claw-doohickeys.

I'm interested in reading more!

[SinTrustless]

I didn't realize he smiled so much.
He's obviously having to much fun with his job. lol