John

A dream I had a long time ago. Now. He is out of my life.

I pull out of the school parking lot and see you sitting at your car staring at the dash. I stop for someone else to go, and in that moment our eyes meet. I see the pain in your expression. Part of me wants to go to you, but part of me- the pissed off part of me- wants to continue driving. A person behind me honks. It’s Ashley. She gives me a questioning look. I drive on. You nod to yourself as if you’ve made a decision. I brush it off to the back of my mind. I notice in the rearview mirror that you pull out behind me at the light. A strike of pain hits me. I sigh and turn up my music. I pull out to the right, deciding to take the long way home. You turn left. We live so close to each other, and yet, I’ve never been to your place. I’ve wanted to, but we never got that close. Never in person anyways. I pout to myself as I think of this. I shake my head and try to clear it. I know it’s useless. I was never good at banishing you from my thoughts. I drive home and weave through the traffic. You never leaving my thoughts. I pull into my apartment complex, thanking God that my mother finally let’s me go home. I plan on laying in bed and sleeping for a while. I pull into my parking space. My subconscious registers that your car is here, but I’m so tired that I don’t even notice. I fiddle with my keys as I walk up the steps. My bag is slung over my shoulder. I jump and gasp as I see you leaning against my door with a flower in your hand. Your head bangs against the door, and you stand up. You look at me and see the rain dripping down my face like slow tear drops. Your bottom lip juts out in an adorable pout. I stand frozen in shock. “Can I come in?” you whisper. I nod mutely. I can feel my eyes welling with tears as I unlock the door. I lock the door behind me because that’s what I’m so used to doing. You sit yourself on the couch. I wait in silence as we both sit, facing each other. “What are you doing here?” I ask almost harshly. You look down and then stand up. I think you’re going for the door but instead you crush your lips to mine. I gasp and step back as an automatic reaction. I’m against the door again, and you’re standing in front of me. “What are you doing here?” I ask again, this time in a much softer tone. You look down.

            “I want you. I need you. Don’t you understand? You never leave my thoughts. I’ve been tortured since that last Christmas when we got so close. When I told you how I really felt. I wanted you so badly then, but I shut those feelings up and kept them quiet. I finally cracked this fall. Just, everything that has happened. It’s made me realize that I need you.”

            You gaze into my eyes. My eyes are flowing with tears, but I stare back at you. You place one hand at my neck and draw me in for another kiss. I give into blind submission and go with my body. I kiss you. I love you. I’m so glad that I finally have you.