Chapter 15: I'll Be the King of Wishful Thinking

I was sitting in the middle of a deserted highway. It was pouring with thunder rolling and lightning racing across the sky. I was hugging my knees crying and crying and crying. My tears soaked my face just as much as the rain soaked my clothing. I was slightly cold but temperature didn’t matter to me, the fact that I was in the middle of a highway didn’t matter to me either. I was in pain, a lot of pain. The most concentration was in my chest. It hurt so much, like I was falling apart. I wished I was…

                        I was rocking back and forth crying more with every boom of thunder. I felt so torn and miserable. I felt as if all self-worth was gone. I didn’t know why though, I just did. I saw lights up in the distance heading towards me. I made out the figure of a huge truck driving along. I could’ve moved. I could’ve moved over and let the truck pass but I didn’t want to. I was so broken that I wanted to die. I turned my head in the opposite direction of the truck and laid myself down still huddled. I continued to cry and hear the truck approach closer and closer. The pain inside was just so overwhelming I wanted the truck to hurry up. I heard it honk and then the next thing I knew I felt nothing…

 

                        I woke up startled from my dream. It was 5:00 in the morning. I sat up in bed and held my head trying to get my thoughts together. It’s ok Ria…it’s ok…it was just a nightmare. I tried to soothe myself. What made me nervous was the feel of it all. Just like the flashback I had long ago, the dream felt entirely real. I was scared. I remember not being able to go back to sleep so I decided to look out and just stare at the Freedom Tower. I was sitting there for a few minutes when I heard a noise, it sounded like someone unlocking the door. I looked back at the time to see it was only 5:24 am. Shannon has the night shift today…she can’t be home now. Something was telling me to not check it out and just go. I didn’t listen to that instinct. Instead, I got up and went to check the source. I walked into the dark hallway.

 

“Shannon?...Is that you?”�"I asked barely above a whisper. I then walked towards the living room and saw Aaron.�"“Aaron?” I asked.�"“What are you doing here? You almost scared me shitless.” I said going to give him a hug, but then I saw his expression. He looked on the verge of tears. I was concerned for him.

“Aaron what’s wrong?” I asked worried now.

 

“You are Ria…” I heard from behind. I looked to see Mark and the rest of Aaron’s team surrounding me in the darkness of the living room. I looked at Aaron now and understood what was going on. Aaron turned me in. I felt so betrayed and hurt with a pain in my chest starting to form. Mai walked next to Aaron and leaned on him.

 

“You had us going for a while Ria…but you’re boyfriend…oh sorry ex-boyfriend finally came to his senses. So I suggest coming quietly.” She said. I looked from her to him and suddenly the thought hit me. She fucked the information out of him. I knew how Mai was; it all made sense. I guessed the realization showed on my face. Aaron looked even more hurt and lifted his hand to reach for me but I back away from him. He lied to me… I felt my eyes glass over with tears to the rim. That pain in my chest grew twice as fast. I looked nowhere but him. I saw how much this pained him, which meant he did care, he did love me…just not enough. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I whirled my head around to see Mark. At least he was decent enough to understand what was going on and not kick me down any further. He was going to restrain me with manacles and I was going to let him, but then I remembered everything me and Griffon did. I thought of the whole reason I escaped to begin with. At an instant, I knocked Mark down into Eddie and ran for Shannon’s balcony. I ran through the glass door jumping over the edge and landing on a nearby roof. I started to run. I turned all of the anger and pain into adrenaline, pushing me to run faster.  I knew Aaron and his team were chasing after me. I didn’t care. I needed to get away anyway. I knew the only way I could lose them was like the last time. I needed a body of water. I decided to head towards the Brooklyn Bridge.

                        As I ran I couldn’t help but feel the pain grow bigger. I felt my eyes begin to tear and blow away from speed. I was soon approaching the Brooklyn Bridge  when the situation hit me. Aaron cheated… I realized. He not only turned me in, but he cheated. I looked back to the team and saw them at a good distance. I wanted so badly to kick their a*s and let my aggression out but I knew that wouldn’t have been the smart thing to do. I couldn’t let my emotions get the best of me. When I reached the bridge, I jumped down and ran along the thick wires to get me to the top of the structure. The sun was just coming up. I looked back at the team and saw them about to come on to the bridge too. I kept my eyes mostly on Aaron and him on me. I looked down to the water below then back at Aaron. He was now on his way up. I leaned backward and allowed myself to fall in the water. I closed my eyes and felt the wind around me. I fell into the water hands first. I was in somewhat of a trance as I continued to plummet deeper into the water. It wasn’t until the pressure made my chest really hurt that I woke up. I was in icy cold water and needed to swim under the bridge. Following my plan of action, I swam under the bridge. I was numb now, emotionally and physically. I surfaced near one of the support beams and took in as much air as I could. I then thought of the only place I had left to go to…home.

 

“Oh my God Ria! What happened to you?” Deborah asked once she opened the door for me. I walked inside cold and damp. I would’ve caught hypothermia or something but I got of the water in time. I couldn’t say the same for my arm. I think it was either broken or severely sprained. Either way I wasn’t okay.

 

“Aaron turned me in.” I said monotonously as I walked into the familiar living room. Griffon was sitting there eyes already on the entrance. His face contorted fast after hearing those four words come out of my mouth. Griffon got up instantly.

 

“Where is he?” He asked angrily. I shook my head.

“No Griffon…don’t. If he was willing to turn me in at his sister’s house then he’ll rat out this place too. I’m actually surprised that he hasn’t come yet. But I want you to guys to get ready to leave.” I said with the same tone. Deborah and Griffon looked at each other then at me. Their eyes were filled with sympathy. Mine just felt empty.

 

“Where are we supposed to go?” Deborah asked. I looked down in thought. I wasn’t entirely sure myself.

 

“I’ll call X, he can take us into his place. It’ll be a squeeze but I’m sure he’ll do it.” Griffon suggested. I nodded at the idea. Deborah did too after thinking for a minute.

 

“I’ll need to call my parents to have them keep Demi there.” Deborah said thinking aloud as she went to her room. Griffon then put a hand on my shoulder. I winced a little at the pain.

 

“You should go take a quick warm shower, being in your condition will only make you sick…We can handle everything else.” Griffon said. I looked at him then at the floor. I hadn’t budged yet when Deborah came with some of her clothes.

 

“He’s right Ria…go take a warm shower. We’ll take care of the rest.” She said putting the clothes in my hands. I nodded finally giving in and walked to the bathroom. I turned the hot water on and locked the door. I looked myself in the mirror after stripping off the damp clothing. My face didn’t look the same. My ice blue eyes were as cold as ice. I didn’t have a frown but I didn’t have a smile; my face was neutral. I felt so numb and indifferent. So this is what heartbreak feels like. I thought to myself. I had a feeling that I was slipping into something much deeper than heartbreak but I honestly couldn’t care less.

                        I stepped into the shower and felt the warm water pelt my cold skin. My body was gaining it’s temperature back but inside, I was a different story. I started to think back to the day’s events. I was in love with Aaron this morning, he said he’d love me forever, he said he didn’t want to imagine a world without me, he said he didn’t want to lose me…I felt tears rush back to my eyes and the pain come back. It felt like a huge hole was eating away at me inside. I clutched my heart despite the pain in my arm and bent over crying hysterically. I cried for my non-existent heart. I cried for the betrayal and hurt that was causing me pain. I cried for Aaron to somehow come back and say he didn’t mean it and that he really did love me…that he’d never leave me. I cried over the times that I spent with Aaron giving him so much of me. I cried for the family I always wanted but could never have. I cried for the mother I never knew. I cried for my life and how much I wanted to give it away. I cried for everything and everyone. All the emotions that were bottled up or thrown to the back of my mind, came flooding back and were being sent down the drain of the shower. I let go of everything prior to that day and accepted the things that I knew couldn’t be changed. I found it sad however, that it took over twenty years and a broken heart to make me let go.