Overcoming

My raw thoughts right now

Quite often I sit and wonder what I've done with my life, with no career but working in meaningful jobs up until I was 26, when I had my first child. I often think where is my ambition gone, am I just mum now, my identity lost in all the Ruckus of starting a family, lost in the massive pile of laundry, I dread sorting out. My energy depleted running around after small children all-day, I don't want to even think about the all the cleaning that needs doing or mopping the floors, I often choose shortcuts, like spot cleaning the floor with floor wipes rather then mopping it completely. Some days I feel like I'm a robot, I say the same things everyday, complete the same tasks. I often wonder will I ever feel human again, it's like the lack of sleep squeezer every ounce of patience out of me and I end up neglecting everything around just to become a couch potato for once, thinking of myself and knowing what I need isn't something I allow myself because if I did I don't think I'd get out of bed, the kids wouldn't get fed or make it to school.

More often than not, I think about how I've failed, failed to thrive, failed at every corner, all the pyramid schemes I've tried all the business ideas I've had that never worked out. How I've failed my children each time I've got frustrated or haven't had the energy to play with them, or each time I've second guessed a decision and the mum guilt that eats away at you.

When these days come and I am ridden with anxiety, I try to think about how far I've come, how much I have suffered and how I make a choice every day to hold my head up high, to stay strong and have courage to move forward with my life, I take that and know I have pulled myself through some of the hardest of times and although I take one step at a time I know and believe through all the pain and feelings of failure there is light and I am strong and someday I will thrive.

Reviews

[Betty Hermelee]

There is much hope in this piece...though you show us all of your frailties, many of us have gone through similar lifestyles....raising kids isn't easy...sometimes it makes you feel trapped.... and the you get depressed.....you think you are a terrible mother because yo have so much going on....but kids grow up too and life will get easier...so you have to look to the future when your will be more clear...then perhaps you can do something you've always wanted to do....there is hope at the of the tunnel....nice work!
Warmly, B

[Amy R]

Oh my, I can feel your emotions hanging in all directions as I read this piece,
I am sorry you feel like a failure, but always remember how much it took out of you to still be here standing strong and for your kid as well.. Nothing is easy, and I am sure everything u did, was at your utmost best.
Everything gets better and maybe it will soon, for you to even be here penning this, shows u are strong as hell. Keep moving forward, you're doing gr8! There are days where I feel like a failure but then I have to remind myself of everything I have done without anyone's help or support...
-Amy