I liked how you used the language.
Oozing great confidence
Like a chameleon
Two skins competing
One skin drowning"
The above line. Amazing. Thank you Simba for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote
Some pretty clever lines in this one but clever lines alone don't make a poem work. In this the repetitions/parallelisms and the last line are what leaves me wondering, "What if I was there?. The imagery is thin but not so thin it doesn't stay on the page. All great poems for me leave the page and imagery and or vulnerability are the tools that lift the words. It's a big white sea the page us poets chose to swim so for what it matters or for what it means to you, I believe in this one. A bit raw, but sometimes raw is just the thing that makes the point. You're at a therapist and pissed the poem SHOULD be raw. Well done and thanks for the read!
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Thank you for your review I appreciate your thoughts, it's a tough linr to cross, a therapist with h.. read moreThank you for your review I appreciate your thoughts, it's a tough linr to cross, a therapist with hard hititng questions your every thought, you will, your desires. You have no chose but to swim and try with all your might not to drown. After all the only way is up.
6 Years Ago
Well said and sounds exactly what poetry is all about...everything you don't want to expose but bein.. read moreWell said and sounds exactly what poetry is all about...everything you don't want to expose but being vulnerable is a huge part of improving and writing so you're very welcome.
I love your title . . . I love starting your poem knowing about your therapist's viewpoint . . . now I start imagining . . . but nothing fits together for me. This isn't a bad thing. You wouldn't be at a therapist if your thoughts came out smoothly! It seems like the jumble of ideas you express in this poem resembles the jumble that was in my own head, way back (many years ago) when I saw a therapist for a few years. I was never able to express anything worthwhile & it's interesting to see your choppy stream of thoughts that represents this therapy session! *smile* Fondly, Margie
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
So they first part is what the therapist sees, the second is about myself, confidence in the out, cr.. read moreSo they first part is what the therapist sees, the second is about myself, confidence in the out, crumbling on the in. The third is Alos about my heart no longer being pure being poisoned almost so burnt your mind is fighting against you. You being the deseased. Hope it makes more sense. Thank you for your honest review. X