8.Life beyond

As everyone began to find out what Steve had done, it didn't end there. The police started to gather evidence, I was 14 years old and taken to a room where I sat on a chair with a camera in the corner looking down on me and I had to give my statement. Again I sat there with no emotions, I was so broken and withdrawn, the emotion was ripped out of me bit by bit over many years. I recounted my story over and over again untill they felt like I'd answered all of their questions. When. I left I felt numb, nothing.

Then they sent me to a clinic where I had to be subjected to an examination, I will never forget the nurse who for some reason thought it was ok to carry on subjecting me to the terrible pain I suffered that day. The room, very clinical and white two nurses explained what they were looking for. Evidence is what they really ment. 'if it's too much or painful you need to tell us to stop' said the senior nurse. As I lay on the bed and allowed them take swabs to search for DNA evidence, the pain began to become extreme and I began to feel uncomfortable, I asked the nurse to stop. The senior Nurse stopped but the other nurse carried on what she was doing with a smirk on her face. The senior nurse had to tell her colleague to stop because she could tell I was in so much pain.

After that life returned to normal, one day while I was at school two blonde haired ladies Cheryl and Christie spoke in assembly they were talking about a youth group, a Christian youth group. I wasn't sure what it was about or even if I wanted to join but I was looking to escape. So I joined the youth group, originally I wasn't thinking I wasn't going to find anything, I just thought it would be something to do.

After a few months Cheryl and Christie invited me to their church called key time. The first time I turned up I fell instantly in love, there playing in the worship band was a gorgeous tall, clean shaven blonde haired man, the moment I saw him I fell in love. His name was Paul, Cheryl's brother. He was 8 years my senior I quickly realised I had no chance. But I never forgot him.

As time went on I began to look at life very differently, I started volunteering for a 4 year old Autistic boy and loved spending time with him and his family who were also part of the church, helping him to meet set goals for his son rise programme. I then became a regular member at church.

Cheryl and I got really close and I began to spend more time with her, I told her about my crush on Paul and she quickly brushed it off as he was too old for me. I still never forgot him, I had boyfriend's but to me no one compared to Paul.

Still life began to get better, then one day during 24/7 prayer God slapped me into the face, not literally but almost. I opened the Bible at random and turned to Psalm 69, it was all about being hungry for God so desperate and thirsty for someone to look up to, someone to love, desperate to put my trust in someone.

"But I pray to you, Lord,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
14 Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me from those who hate me,
from the deep waters.
15 Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me."

I didn't think much of it, and went to make a cup of tea as I opened another Bible in a different room, to my surprise the book opened to Psalm 69. As I read the words again it was as if God was talking to me.

Author's Note

I'm dog tired, awful spelling etc, first draft will correct in morning.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

For you to go thru the agony of retelling this story here is a gift to all of us. Thank you for putting it all out there & showing others that abuse doesn't need to be hidden like a shameful dark secret. It's part of our lives! It's part of what makes us what we are! I shouldn't have to sort out my memories so some of the worst ones don't offend anyone or make them uncomfortable. I found that talking & writing really helped me heal. That's why I love seeing others share & by doing this, encourage others to share. You have a beautiful story & I love the way you own it without blame (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie