2.Traveller

Following from chapter 1

During our stay at the refuge we encountered many broken and anxious woman all with heaps of baggage , running away from their mistakes and bad decisions only to be drawn right back where they started. Most had been hurt one way or another, some lacked the skills they needed to be good mother's and you'd listen to babies crying for their mothers in the night and the mother's shouting back.

Walls capped in yellow flowery wall paper, the smell of a stew filled the air, the pot big enough to feed all the families that lived there. The hallways were long sort of like a maze one room leading to another. A large communal kitchen took centre stage.

The families were nice enough always new people moving in and out, often to scared to speak to anyone incase you gave them away if someone was looking for them. Almost like you didn't understand why they were there.

It wasn't the best start a few years later my mother met my youngest brothers Dad Jim, he hated us he would often argue with my mother and tell her to send us back to our dads. That relationship didn't work out so we ended up back in a refuge.

My mother's social worker helped us find a new home. By this time we had already moved three times and I had been to 4 different schools. I'd lost the enthusiasm to make friends as I got used to moving once or twice a year so making friends was pretty much out of the question.

We were put into a tiny one bedroom flat where we all shared a room, in a large block of flats, you could tell the flats were where they put people who couldn't afford much but it was a roof over our heads.

A few months later my mother met Steve and that's when my whole life was turned upside down.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This chapter has a few rough spots, such as run-on sentences, but still very strong storytelling with the most touching human aspects being shared. I personally would love to see more description of the homeless shelter & the people staying there. You do a pretty good job of describing, but it could be expanded to take in many more details for all the senses. How does it sound? How does it smell? How does it feel? Good job of telling this story with a cliff-hanger at the very end. That's the way to draw your reader along, eager to get to the next chapter (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[barleygirl]

The part about why you stop making friends -- that is a simply-told but gut-wrenching details that many can relate to, many who changed schools a lot . . .

[Simone Davis]

Thanks for the reviews and I understand your comments regarding the title and I'm not even sure I'll keep the title ...I find punctuation and grammar really difficult so some of the sentences do need work but hopefully that's what first drafts are for.

[Simone Davis]

I edited it I hope it sounds better

[barleygirl]

It's much stronger now & I love what you added to the description of the homeless shelter! *smile*

[Simone Davis]

Thank you I tend to go in head first and get it out of my brain before reviewing, but next chapter is ready.

[barleygirl]

I have your next chapter in my library, becuz I'm going to stop reviewing for today . . . I really enjoyed reading this & look forward to continuing! *smile* Even tho it's your pain, you make it beautiful with your words!

[lightsong]

I think, Your story is being more clearer now, I wonder how many on this Earth who have deep wounds which need to be healed, I wonder of us humans, if one day we all will wake up to make this world a better place?

I applaud You my friend, for being SO brave waning to heal Yourself, knowing it's not easy, but You WANT that, may the good and beautiful people come Your way offering You what You deserve and need of understanding, kindness and warming company.