The intruder inside my mind

Leave I’m begging you to leave

Don’t say another word

you’ve taken over me

Boom

Boom

Boom

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

S
T
O
P

Silence a sheer second of peacefulness

B
A
N
G

It’s back

There’s a monster inside my head
Fighting hard to save myself from its destructive path

It’s drowning me I can’t swim I’m immersed in its misery
I pace up and down trying to make sense of this souround sound

Reviews

[limoncello]

The way you describe the voices in our heads is so poetic, this is great!

Great job with this one!
-Chandler

[Priyanshi]

A perfect title"the intruder inside my mind" goes with the poem and the way you have laid out the words with the intermix of emotions is great.

[ElizaB]

Thank you for entering!

You have created a poem with visual imagery as well as imaginative. I really enjoyed the tension you created from the beginning. Very cleverly written!

[Thepensiveplayer]

Amazing piece! You perfectly describe being at war with one's self and how could it be overcame. Sometimes the battle is constant and never ending, but your resolve will hold up until the end. Very nice :)

[merit]

I was thinking in samelines re schizophrenia, I've known afew actually you've given it a nice sinister description :))

[Einstein Noodle]

how perfectly you describe the condition of schizophrenia ...something i am convinced we all have ..just not as intensely as those diagnosed .. and i love love love the form...my cup of tea for sure ..reading this one out loud is the way to go...each repetition a punctuation as i go down down down fearful of succumbing .. the surround sound terrifies me ...well done simba ..that's what i say ...God bless ... :)
E.

[R.E. Ray]

Ah, the conscience and hope at work! Nice job conveying in poetic form how we strive for order when chaos tries to seize our minds. You also express the torment we can experience in this process. Another interesting, creative work from you.

[Rye]

I loved your last two stanza's this is really good and deep. enjoyed