Observations of a sick mind

inspired by living around and inside of mental illness for years i hope for some of you that you can relate and for others that you might never have to <3

Its something that for many is really quite hard to say
not one for externalizing when caught in such a haunting curse

its tantalizing when you fail to find the right words

let alone the confidence to express and converse 
at a need to not let others feel the hurt

so sits looping verse that sits inside the forefront of your head waiting to never be heard

especially when saying anything outside of those who understand

that often when not in the right space or faced with those who pretend

saying they know how it is will just makes it all worse in the end

its often not because they're self loathing

nor because they don't want to be heard

its definitely not because they want life left a mess

seems to be quite absurd

though i digress

no not for any other reason then
they don't want to be the ones to push on to others that kind of pain and hurt
that's if your even able to understand
how in the first place it became

I often find that those open to the observations of their own sick mind
don't often leave behind blame

as its hard for people who've always been happy to understand
those who seem to them by design completely insane and in command

Its hard for those who don't know what its like to live in a life
full of constant cycles of manic mind fulls of stress

these people are in great need of attention especially
when they often do try for others to make extensions
for human interaction wanting to make connections
with loved ones family and friend

only to break out and be brave just to come off as behaving unfriendly and people
often turn quickly to reject them as people are selfish 

an amount most immense in
this case taking it personally and then taking offense

Its so easy when stuck in the mind for so long
for one to simply forget... 
to forget simple social graces when exchanging words
of my last few conversations "I made a mess" 

so I find most of the time since then
I'm not really in a way to even feign interest


So I'll try to brush up and practice when I'm anxious and attempting to relax...but the fact is, attempting to do two things at the same time...without doing one..... counter intuitive and it cant be done, I can at least tell you that

then comes the worst thing as I go to say the words that in my mind I've been rehearsing
ill start to say something with what i thought was a straight face,
and in my own defence...
since the last I'd tried each time so much time had past... 
so much that without realising I end up making a silly face 
framed with a frown concentrating ,so much so,
that I suppose its really quite impressive

But I end up coming across a bit strong for most and for some even a bit aggressive 

Its a comfortable place to know where
it is the mind tends to wander when
left alone with only your thoughts

bliss for those who know 
no matter how far it goes it always
seems to once again come home
", ...but of course" ...


unless your not able to make
inside a quiet place, in your head, for your mind
to let loose your mind and find that sense of wonder
to be able to ponder away to travel yonder

its quite surprising how often people get caught up with themselves
for the rest best left in small doses
it happens so much so they never see passed their own faces
let alone their noses

now imagine if in that same time
your blissful ignorance is instead
fistfuls of hindrance fuelled by abusive

obsessive demons most compulsive
constantly interjecting while your trying to make sense

amidst the confusion... trying to find the loose ends in your mind you might spend days, weeks, years at a time... 
loosing conviction...and becoming all to real
as inside you feel like your starting to loose it and once lost forever impossible to remove them, 

not knowing which way is where, becoming too scared
slowly numbing the brain into something stupid

having in time become so submissive to those oppressive "thoughts of mine"(in  a robot voice)  

so much so that no longer the want for the use of the brain exists
as just the thought of thoughts becomes most intrusive

its hard to see the logical progression

when your always making references to delusions 

when obsession is trying to make sense... of non-sequitur illusions

the light you want i think you'll find
has always been waiting close, near by your side

waiting for the day where those steps you
might take towards the decision to finally 
trust inside your inner most faith

to take the steps to find that shining light
as it turns out it was just within earshot around a corner out of sight

instead of letting these creatures lead you astray 
instead of letting them take all the things you love inside
instead of letting them take the most out of each day  
instead of wasting those precious years of time away

wasting so many steps in life off all kinds

dont let the present be haunted by the ghosts of the past 

wasted steps now best left lost in your mind

life lessons and progressions regressing inside to stay
into distant memories all these just wasted efforts all of them lost in vane

now that you've let them take you away from your own ability to make choices to make decisions

instead you've left your brain in a state that's no longer with a voice as now they've
injected you with a life view most toxic so stuck still you remain as they have
infected your insides taking away from the veins of your life the source transformed now a willing hostage making your life's fight flightless as you are no longer becoming youv no effort for nothing branded beyond tame
your will for life like a useless limb
became lame


leaving yourself open to possibilities
is the only way one day you might
succeed inside your endeavors

when once you've found your mind is your friend

your smile will extend as long as a piece of twine or string 
the smile stays forever

you'll hear your self say
this time said in your own voice
Today is the day I've finally made a change
I've made the choice and I'm not going back not ever

smile shining forever whether the day is shining or raining content with whatever
finally happy and never complaining life's much better
such a light one so bright that I'm sure you'll never ever again..

find yourself lightless when sightless inside the dark if you loose your
path and get lost inside your head

its the order of things that those who live life so perfect are easy to neglect and
then of course in turn quick to forget

that in order to truly find balance in life you'll find that you first need to loose
your step.


something my Ma always said
its something so simple
and yet...quite profound... 
Never will you see the good things
coming towards you when your
constantly staring at the ground

Author's Note

Take it how you please but i believe this is pretty straight forward

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Simbles for sharing this. So many strong points written.
"instead of letting these creatures lead you astray
instead of letting them take all the things you love inside
instead of letting them take the most out of each day
instead of wasting those precious years of time away
wasting so many steps in life off all kinds
dont let the present be haunted by the ghosts of the past
wasted steps now best left lost in your mind"
I agree with the above lines. We must go forward. Try to do some good. Thank you for sharing the amazing words and your amazing thoughts.
Coyote

[.]

I get you .

[Simbles]

I love you :)

[Simbles]

*bumps* cheers fam :]

[.]

When I first read this poem, there must have been a different interpretation. Just a bunch of words, They don't give me a meaning; they give me a memory. Since metaphors and mental illness both get me high, I stopped taking things literally. When I think back to two years ago, it was chaos and this place was slowly but painfully disappearing. People entered... They didn't take their shoes. now vanished. When I ran out of shoes, I eventually started tossing people into the trash cans. I had previously been tossing away shoes into the trash cans. Right now, doing so feels good. Ironic place this is... It's a pretty joke, it made me look like a stupid teenager that I always was.

[Simbles]

yeh donmt ever say yes to a peace pipe more then once, after the first its tolerated but not expected.
only once, and never drink or eat food from a house that leafves the lids of everythging.... finally alwauys remember to alkalize... reverses alot of the nerutoxicity caused by over acidification... cleans the organs cleans ya teeth softens your veins...good to have on especially hot day as it makes them softer and easier for you to stereetch thiom... keep that in min dif you do reps in bunches... finally the stimulation will make your more externally focusewd why all the day drtea,ms because your brain is getting more mental stimulation from reliving mnemories then actual pressent day life and so whats happening a4round you becomes secondary..... learn to realign the senses with breathing techniques..... google that s**t.... start withj breathing then work on sound then visions once youve got through all processs to start with say ... at least 6 breathes without flinching or making a thought then walk to move to be around sound i recommend say a park on a nice dauy birds and all sorts of eve4ryday npoioses around and while still focusing on your breathing.... start tolsiten withyour eyes closed...... all the while you must not let any flinching from noises or uncomforatbility let you break the streanm and flow of your breathing..... and then after a few minutes of sdoing this while not breaking foxus on keeping a steady flow with the breathing then open your eyes and go for a walk.... while walking you must not let the chain break down..... if you go to shy away from a sound or a thing that you think you canb see that might be villainioous... look straight at it.... klet your brain regain faith in your abbility to deduce stress situations... this way you subconbsciouslky will come to bve able to deal with harsh sudden noises smells and sensations like that without having a mini panick attatck each time.... reacting to you talking in your or just from being overstimulated from adrenaline... then once your down sit down somewhere nice over looking water maybe... the consistent motion helps the bvrain..... especially if your brain sufferes from vertigo... and just siut remembering evry little bit by this point... thg e vision is the focus, the breathing is doing its thang... and your hears a hanging back chilling coz they dont think theres a threat constantly at the door...... whioch is luiterally the bodies responbse from fighting being a lazy s**t... the brain thinks when theres things around you want to do but dont... weather it be company... mood... whatever e reason being you dont.. not only does the brain attatch say a threat token to a thing that was the closest thihng to rationalize the expoerience the brain is having so yoiu can always keep that dopamine in a forward nmoving direction. now remember everything is awlays your faulyt.... but swo is the same for everyone else... first want to talk loses that sorta thing... biggest one after all that is to learn not to expect things to happen all the time.... thats probbaly the biggest silent killer... i suggest intense athletics aeorobics, sex swimmiong rugby cuycling... rowing machine is easily my favouritee excercise machinery..... best back for buckj by far. i didnt get all fo what i wanted down in quick enough before i got tangent brain butt yep the basis for what you need to knowe and fix this are amidst this poor attempt to arrange words effectivkly and sequently x))