A body of water

Oh, I want to test your waters
    I want to sink in your eyes even more
I want to submerse myself in you
    I want to fall so far that I touch the bottom
Pull me closer    Pull me under
What world is this?
    Your ocean smells like cigarettes    it's beautiful
Your breath is like menthal
But tastes like the salt water    in which I am swimming
No, not swimming    drowning    drowning and loving it
    Holding me tighter, pressing me closer to your chest
I feel you might dive in with me    diving head first   
    into ourselves
Oh, I dreamed of our embrace    and I can feel you waters temperature    
        rising, rising, rising 
As my heart beats faster, faster, faster   
It's matching tempo with yours   
    I have tred water long enough    now I want to swim
I am tired of the shallow end
I'm ready to swim with the sharks    I'm not afraid of getting bit
    So pull me closer    Pull me under
We'll hold our breath
And jump into the water     together  

Author's Note

I wrote this poem in, like, 3 minutes. It's not very good, but hey, maybe someone will like it.

Reviews

[JohnL]

On the contrary, it IS very good. The three minute construction shows in some slapdash spelling and one or two words could be improved - I won't go into what they are - you'll spot them when you scrutinise, I know. That's the thing with '3 minute writing' - you get it down while it's inspirational then clean it up later, and what I suppose I am saying is - "This is well worth taking some trouble with, but not to the degree that it spoils the '3 minute spontenaity'." The essence of this poem comes across wonderfully in both the structure and the metaphor.
And now, a totally subjective view - my ocean would have to smell of sea breezes and fragrant herbs, or some-such. Cigarettes - Ugh!!! But of course, it's not my ocean.
Kind regards,
John

[Bryn]

I love this!! Water is an ingenious metaphor/symbol for love ... it really evokes all the extreme feelings one can get from love. And, you explore all of those extremes and emotions. well done.

[Lily1111]

What a wonderful poem of surrender. Reminds me "to love like you've never been hurt" Wonderful emotion portrayed here.

[Paza]

I absolutely loved this. Depicts the feelings of falling in love so perfectly. Not caring about the dangers, only wanting to be closer and deeper. Wonderful poem!

[magic]

I like it.

reminds me of the future.

[lark]

i love the spacing between the words. it gives the feeling of letters just floating along on the tips of waves, fitting and making sense here and there.

Your ocean smells like cigarettes it's beautiful

it is beautiful.

[Partha]

if you wrote this poem within 3 minutes then I'll have to say you have some serious skills. This is such a cute & romantic poem! I loved reading it. Maybe you should take some more time and produce even better poems :-)

[WordMaster]

It's not how long it takes to write, but the message and inspiration it ignites

If you wrote what you, feel� no further explanation needed

Have fun with your writing and write more� I liked this!