Across the Room

A poem about spontaneous love

Across the Room

 

Sitting here drowning my sorrows in whiskey

The college kids in the booth next to me are getting a little too frisky

The Piano Man’s playing a song

While the rest of us heartbroken drunks sing along

Then out of nowhere

Like a leaf on the wind

A pretty girl with bright eyes and dark hair

Scoots on in

Before I can even say a word

She leaves me speechless

Giving me a smile with unparalleled sweetness

And I can’t help but smile back

She tells me that she’s seen me in here a time or two

And this song’s just too good to stay sitting

So she holds out her hand

And I can tell from that look in her eye that she’s got a plan

We spin around the floor for an hour or so

And as tired as I am

As soon as we sit back down I’m left wanting more

Now it’s the end of the night

The bartender yells last call

But I’m way too busy getting lost in her peach lip gloss

There’s no doubt that this girl’s gonna make me fall

Now I’m not really sure how it happened

But I end up back at my place

All by myself

And as I fall into a drunken slumber

My only regrets that I didn’t get her number

Next night I’m back in my old booth

Just the memory of that candy sweet girl is giving me an ache in my tooth

My only wish is to see her again

Her face is the only image flying around my brain

And that’s when I looked up, making my heart skip a beat

Because guess as who I saw sitting over there in the other seat

So maybe this is all happening way too soon

But I stopped caring when I saw her smiling at me from across the room

Reviews

[olivesandhummus]

Hello Silverwolf,

This is lovely to read aloud, mostly because of the rhyme. I personally believe that poems should only be centered if there's a specific reason, but that's all personal preference.

My favorite parts were the peach lip gloss part, and especially the beginning: (especially the part about frisky college students.)

Sitting here drowning my sorrows in whiskey
The college kids in the booth next to me are getting a little too frisky
The Piano Man’s playing a song
While the rest of us heartbroken drunks sing along

You could make parts of it flow better, mostly by adding or omitting certain transition works and changing/adding/subtracting certain types of punctuation. I would also add stanza breaks in natural places (such as between the lines: As soon as we sit back down I’m left wanting more/ Now it’s the end of the night).

This piece was a great mix of meaningful and funny. Good luck with your future writing. :)

- Olivesandhummus