Never Go Back

Adrian and Madison have a secret that they haven't told anyone, and it has been messing with their lives.

Six years have passed since Adrian and I switched bodies. This isn’t Freaky Friday because we haven’t switched back and probably never will at this rate. Adrian and I first switched back in 5^th grade, during a game of tag. Back then, everyone hated Adrian, including myself. He was that kid that tried to fit in but he just didn’t know how. Of course, Adrian was “it” during tag. By random chance, someone kicked a ball at him as he was about to tag me, and we collided. Since then, we’ve been switched.

Of course, we tried to switch back. We reenacted collapsing into each other in the school yard about a dozen times. We even convinced someone to kick a ball at us (Adrian wasn’t happy about that one). We watched movies, read books, searched the internet for any stories like ours, and we even asked an actual doctor if body switching was even possible. All of our research led to one answer no- body switching is not possible, it is complete fiction. So, in the end, nothing came of our attempts to return to both our bodies and our lives. I don’t remember what it’s like to be Madison anymore. Adrian knows.

Ever since we switched, we kept it a secret from everyone. We practiced each other’s handwriting. I sat alone during class and frowned a lot. Adrian failed at handling all of the positive attention he was getting. In late middle school, people began to think we were dating, so we went along with it to avoid detection. Despite our valiant efforts, we were very bad actors, which is why I still feel so hurt by the fact that our parents never noticed that we swapped bodies. My best guess is that the idea of switching bodies is too impossible for them to even consider, let alone think something like that happened to their own children. But that doesn’t make the neglect hurt any less.

Today, Adrian is meeting me at his house, the one I’m currently residing in. I’m wearing gray sweatpants and a pink t-shirt that reads, “Sweet!” on it. I step in front of the full-length mirror in Adrian’s room and give myself a once-over. I have long, dark brown hair that is tied back into a bun, hazel eyes, and four moles that dot my face. Back in 6^th grade, Adrian and I made a bet that if we didn’t switch back by the end of year, we could do whatever we wanted with our hair. I grew mine out and Adrian cut his short. I reconciled my despair with the fact that I could just grow it back out later after we switched.

I yawn and stretch in front of the mirror, admiring my height. I would never be able to experience the world this way from my own body, as Adrian is at least five inches shorter than I am. I can’t say I don’t like being tall, but I definitely don’t like being in a male body. Peeing in a water bottle? Sure, convenient. Being able to do slam-dunks on the basketball court? Sure, that’s nice. But nothing beats dressing like a girl. Adrian barely lets me do it. I know he’s going to yell at me for wearing this shirt.

I hear a knock at the door and I lurch towards the bedroom door. Five seconds later, Adrian is knocking again. So impatient! I’m running down the hallway when he slams his fist on the door three times and yells, “Open up!” I grab the knob and whip the door open, slamming it against the wall. Adrian glares up at me with pretty blues eyes- my pretty blues eyes, and short strawberry blonde hair. He doesn’t realize how pretty my body is, I would make far better use of it. I wave him in with a glare.

“You’re impatient,” I say, and he pushes past me, bumping me against the door, “And rude!” No response. I follow him to his room. He’s always worried I’m going to mess it up. I mean, I also worry about what he’s doing to my room, but he always acts so entitled when he comes home. I close the door behind me and Adrian looks me up and down from his seat on his bed, then rolls his eyes.

“Take off that shirt, Madison,” Adrian says.

“We’re not here to argue over what I’m wearing, Adrian,” I say. Fortunately, he’s not feeling very argumentative today. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want me to mention that he’s wearing basketball shorts and a plain white t-shirt. He’s making me look like a prepubescent boy! Adrian crosses his arms and looks up at me expectantly.

“So, what’s up? What did you want to talk about?” I cross my arms and avoid eye contact. If he wasn’t feeling argumentative before, he will now.

“What will we do about college, Adrian? About our lives in general, even? We can’t go on like this. Who knows when or if we’ll ever switch back? Let’s just split up here and go our separate ways already.” Steeling myself, I meet Adrian’s gaze only to be knocked down and ripped apart by a fierce wave of guilt. Adrian is absolutely furious, and yet at the same time he looks like he’s about to cry. His eyes gloss over and he rubs at them with the back of his hand.

“Madison, how could you say that? We’ve been through so much together!”

“Look, I care about you Adrian, I really do. But I care about myself as well. We’ve been taking all of the same classes in case we switch back in the middle of the school year. We both joined basketball so that we could continue to play the same sport, even after we switched. We even pretend to date each other. We do everything together, but we’ve never done something for ourselves,” I clench my fists and my vision blurs, turning Adrian into a bad watercolor painting, “We’re always waiting, waiting, waiting. I’m sick of waiting. I’m sick of having to act like your family is my family. I’m sick of not being able to be myself!” My body shake as I stand before Adrian. He cried a little but his tears have already dried. His face looks stone-cold now.

“We’re going to switch back. I know it. We can go to the same college far away from here. We can take different classes. Madison, please, I just want to stay together…” Adrian says. I consider this for a moment, but I don’t know what to think. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I don’t want Adrian to look at me like that. I make up my mind and walk out of his bedroom, closing the door behind me.

 

Almost one year later, I am unpacking my bags and boxes in my new dorm at Maryland State College. Adrian’s parents said their teary goodbyes and left about an hour ago, so I decided to get this over with before I became side-tracked. I look over at Erin, my new roommate. His appearance is lackluster with dusty brown hair and mud brown eyes, so fortunately, I will never be attracted to him. I’ve gotten used to being around guys after seven years, but I can’t say I didn’t have a crush on anyone during that entire time.

Erin is interested in party life and environmental science. I’m general studies. After arriving at college, I realized I have nothing I actually want to do, as I’ve never had the privilege to consider what I want to do with my life up until now. I can only hope for the best.

And suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, I’m thinking about Adrian, and I don’t know why. I try blinking the emotion juice out of my eyes but it doesn’t work and now my nose is starting to run. I grab a box of tissues from one of my cardboard boxes and blow my nose, hard.

“You alright man?” Erin asks, glancing over his shoulder at me as he haphazardly “organizes” his belongings into a pile in his closet. I nod my head, blowing hard into the tissue again.

“Yeah, I’m fine man. Allergies,” I say.

“Oh, you know what, same, my nose always-” Red trickles down his face and dots the carpet. I pass him the tissue box in a hurry and he accepts it gratefully, rolling up a tissue and shoving it up his nose.

“Thanks man, stupid allergies, right?” he says in a nasally voice.

“I know right?”

“Hey, catch,” Erin says, throwing the tissue box at my head. Despite years of playing basketball, I miss and the corner of the tissue box stabs me in the temple.

“Ouch!” I yell. I hear a crash and glass breaking and I jump in surprise, looking around, wondering where the noise came from. But I’m no longer in my room, I’m outside, “What…?” I look up and see a clear blue sky, dotted with fluffy white clouds, and a hot sun has me breaking into a sweat. I look around and I vaguely recognize where I am, but how did I get here?

“Madison, what’s wrong? Did you cut yourself?” My mom asks, rushing over and grabbing me by the upper arm. There is concern in her blue eyes and a wave of nostalgia hits me. I stare at her a bit longer, look down at my arm, and then down at my feet. Sneakers and basketball shorts. A gray, loose, tank top. I rub the back of my neck- short hair. I look over at my mom. She called me Madison, right?

“Mom, I’m okay, but where am I?” I say. She looks at me like I have four heads.

“Maryland State College, now pick up that box and let’s get to your dorm already,” she says, but I pull my arm from her grip and go into a full sprint towards the dorm I was just at. People stare at me weird as I rush by, and I ignore them. Unused to my shorter body, I trip and tumble scraping my knee. Someone offers to help me up but I simply dust off the wound and continue to run.

The dorm is in sight now. I’m so close. Tears are drying on my cheeks as soon as they fall. I’m running faster than I’ve ever run before. I run past the groups of boys rolling their belongings in on carts, past the overly-excited families, past the crying mother, past the couple making out under the tree, and then I see him. Adrian. He bursts from the front doors of the dorm and yells.

“Madison!” He stretches out his arms and I leap into his embrace. He’s barely able to keep his balance, but we manage to stay on our feet. We’re both crying. His body shakes so hard with sobs that you would almost think he was having uncontrollable laughter. I grab him by the shoulders and look into his eyes and he looks into mine.

“We did it Adrian. We’re back. You were right all along.”

“I know,” he says, and I’m too happy to even get scowl at him, “I knew it. We’re finally back. Back where we belong,” and he pulls me into another hug and we stand there amongst a growing, curious crowd, and just soak in the moment.

Reviews

[C. Lee Battaglia]

I don't usually read stories unless the title jumps at me and your title did the job!
This story/(future book?) was incredible. It was bizarre and really unique.
It was a captivating story with lots of emotion and suspense. I loved how well you explained how both genders, madison and adrian were two different people with different personalities.
The story flowed not to fast, and not to slow, it was at a perfect pace that really made the story such a fascinating piece of art.
Thank you for sharing your excellent work!
If you could, would you like to read my story called, "The Blonde Girl"? You don't have to if you don't want to, I just felt like I should share it with you.

Your friend,

C. Lee Battaglia

[wordman]

sounds like the making of a great book

[Silvertide]

Thank you for your response...I'm surprised someone even read this. I plan to make this into a book but I had to shorten it for a class so I decided to post it here.

[wordman]

my pleasure