Blue

A recount of a sad event

It was my sister's 8th grade graduation pool party. The party took place at the local private pool, one of which my family is a member of. All of the girls were flirting successfully in their bikinis and the guys were all very pleased. My sister and I were going off the diving board consecutively and the water felt great under the hot sun.
I was waiting in line to use the diving board. A few guys from my sister's class were in line ahead of us, and they joked around as most boys do. The boy, who will be called A, was next in line so he ascended onto the diving board. As everyone waited patiently, we realized that his friend hadn't left the diving well yet and we began to yell at A to wait, you can't jump off the diving board until the diving well is empty, but he completely ignored us and leapt off the diving board, right near his friend. His friend and the other friend laughed. They were all just messing around, I thought, we all thought. In the meantime, the lifeguard, according to my sister, whistled at A for not following the diving rules. I also told my sister, "You better yell at him for that later."
My sister stepped up to the ladder and as we waited for A to leave the diving area, we realized that he was swimming very slowly. He had only moved a little ways away from the diving board toward the ladder and everyone was getting impatient. He was splashing around and taking his good ol' time. We all then began to shout his name, "A! A!", we being my sister and I and some random little girl who had heard us call A by name and was now copying us. There might have been one of my sister's friend's there too, but I don't know if she was there by that point.
We called for A to hurry it up and "get his butt moving". But he wasn't listening to us.
Eventually everyone began to get suspicious. Though his head was above the water, A looked like he was struggling. But he couldn't be, he was 14, and he had always been teasing people. He was probably just tricking us again. I was surprised the lifeguard hadn't reprimanded him yet. Then, A went under the water for longer than usual before coming back up again. What was he doing? Everyone was probably thinking the same thing.
"Doesn't he need help?" I asked aloud, but everyone else was just watching. Around this time the female lifeguard who had been watching the pool up until now descended from her lifeguard seat. I thought she was coming to help A, but instead a new lifeguard took her place. I was confused. Hadn't they noticed that someone was struggling here? A went down once more. We thought he was going to come back up again, like before, but he didn't. He wouldn't come back up again for a while. We watched as his body flailed and he slowly descended into the depths of the 10 feet deep pool.
"He can't swim." My sister said, and suddenly the realization hit me. A couldn't swim. Neither could his sister, or probably any of his siblings. Their mother was a widow and they couldn't afford to go to the pool and other fun places. A couldn't swim. Then why had he jumped off the diving board, knowing that?
One of A's friends leapt into action and entered the diving well. He was going to help A. But the lifeguard whistled at him to get out. Why? Oh, he must not want us to help, he'll come down and help instead, I thought. So A's friend slowly exited the pool. I looked up expectantly at the lifeguard but he wasn't moving a muscle. Why? I just stood there, not knowing what to do. My sister walked over to the ladder and was about to go help A, but the lifeguard whistled at her to stop. Why? Why, I wondered. Why wasn't he coming to help?
I don't remember when the lifeguard finally realized that someone was drowning. My sister said that she had been yelling for help, but I really don't remember. He did come over though,maps well as two other unrelated men.
"Is he drowning?" One asked.
"Yes." We responded. And then both men jumped in. The lifeguard and the two men helped to rescue A, who was now laying at the bottom of the pool, no longer struggling. They quickly brought him to the surface and some lady told us to move away. So we backed up as A was hauled over the side of the pool. When I saw his face, I noticed that his lips were very very blue...
A whistle was blown, everyone was told to exit the pool. I walked around to the other side, noticing a woman calling 911 as I did, and notified my father, who was still in the pool, get out, since he didn't quite realize what was going on. As soon as everyone realized what was happening, one of the moms called out,
"Let's pray everyone!" We're all Catholic. And the praying of the Hail Mary began. I started to join in, but as I watched the scene in front of me, and how someone, later I learned that this was a nurse, performed CPR on his unconscious body, I couldn't keep myself together and I began to cry. My father pulled me towards him and I continued to sob, hands covering my face, only looking up once in a while to see the progress they were making on A. The Hail Mary's had escalated, and when I looked over my shoulder I saw that a large prayer circle had formed. Time whizzed by.
A powerful and consuming sense of guilt washed over me, and I became thankful that I had cut my nails earlier that day, for I was scratching at my legs desperately. Sometimes I'd pull on my hair too. I was shaking and breathing heavily. My head began to feel light. I had a few spasms every once in a while. My sister came over and looked at me, confused.
"What's wrong?" She asked. I didn't understand. She had experienced the same thing I had, why was she so calm? I related my story, and to summarize what we talked about, I came to realize that the male lifeguard, who had switched with the female one, hadn't realized that someone was drowning. He whistled at A's friend and my sister because he only saw that they were breaking the pool rules. The water was calm. He didn't know that someone was drowning beneath the surface. And, worst of all, my sister told me that A had told her something before jumping off the diving board.
"If I drown, it's your fault." After she told me he had said that I cried louder and began to scratch at myself more. My sister shooed away my hands, trying to save me from myself. I began to try and explain myself, but soon realized what I was doing and began to talk about psychology.
"This is called the self-serving bias, where you take credit for your achievements and rationalIze your mistakes. And what I did when he was drowning is called distributing responsibility." I said.
Until then, my mom hadn't been there, but she was there now. She walked over to the scene. At first I wondered why, but later I learned that she was the only one who had A's mother's number and that she was informing A's mother of the situation. By then the emergency crew had arrived. A was conscious after spitting up water, even talking. When my sister told me this, and I regret this, I responded with,
"I don't care, it doesn't matter." But honestly it just came out all wrong. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I was feeling guilty that any of this had ever happened. Meanwhile, the emergency crew was taking care of A, and eventually he was carted off. My sister's x-friend shouted after A as he was carted away,
"We love you A!" And I was disgusted.
"How could she say that? That's completely inappropriate!" I wailed. My mom then came over and asked what was wrong with me. My dad informed her that I was hyperventilating, but she couldn't say much to me because she and this other woman were going to the hospital with A. Meanwhile I was busy suffocating on my snot as I struggled to breathe. Eventually the whistles were blown, and a few people eagerly entered the pool. I just stared at them in horror.
"Why?" I asked aloud, "How can they be so happy? Why are they smiling? Someone just drowned. How can they move on just like that?"
"They don't know A, it doesn't bother them as much." My father replied. Then my sister came over and she informed me that the party was still going to go on. I was appalled.
"How can they do that? Everyone should just leave the pool now. Don't they have any consideration?"
"There's all these people and all this food, they have to continue the party." My dad told me. As things calmed down, he then left and I stood up and headed to the bathroom, red faced. I blew my nose about fifty times, blowing away the pools of snot until I could breath again. I then escaped outside the pool area and curled up in a corner on the grass, furiously picking at the grass instead of hurting myself.
"Hey are you alright?" Some lady, we'll call her D, asked me. I explained to her a little about why I was sitting there and she sat down and tried to comfort me. Eventually she left and I thanked her. It didn't help so much but it was nice.
My father found me and offered me water and informed me that there was food. Everything seemed to be going on as normal. But it wasn't okay, not for me. A thousand simulations were forming in my head of how things could have been. I began to apologize aloud to A for not helping him as quickly as I could have and my heart hurt.