Bitter-sweet Life

"and she knew her time had come...to walk a different land...where her true love had waited for years"

Bitter-sweet Life

Gone, are those days that we spent with one another

In each others embrace we would manage to feel safe

We could go the whole day, with so few things to say

But I knew, yes, I always knew...

Memories, they seem so far out of reach, now

and yet, I can still feel the tinkle of their caress

The taste of bitter sweetness which they left

My memories, our wonderful memories...

I wait, every morning for your face to shine

Into disappointment I awake, (sigh)

My reason for life, once again nowhere in sight

I stare, out the window I stare...

I hope, that my day will too come soon

Longing to be with you I await my card of fate

Deal me a fair hand, spare me the pain

of walking this land, alone...

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

One notable typo is 'seems', it really threw me off, since it made the sentence flow really awkward. Also, 'insight' might also be one; depending on if you intended it to be a play on words or not, since normally in this sentence you would say "In sight". Unfortunately, I can all too well relate with this piece. You spend time with someone, and you don't even understand just how important they are to you until they are gone. Then it is like everything around you have been warped into some cruel mnemonic remnant of what you were with them. Even long after they are gone, you wake up and just stare at the empty space beside you; and even as you force yourself to get up and go about your day, the pace of your whole day just feels like some hollow echo of what once was. That said, I really like the way you structured this one, the consistent way in which each stanza drifts off, even to the end.

[Otsana]

Thank you for pointing out the typo, I cant say I noticed it before, probably because I know it off by heart and I see what you mean about the "in sight" bit of the poem. Thank you for the constructive feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was one of my first attempts to write outside my own experience.

[Coyote Poetry]

Strong and powerful words and thoughts.
"I hope, that my day will too come soon
Longing to be with you I await my card of fate
Deal me a fair hand, spare me the pain
of walking this land, alone..."
The words above are the prayers of the many. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Otsana]

Thank you for the kind review Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Asb]

I can so much relate to that .... loved the ending....I too have written a song with same feelings few years back... not here on writer's cafe but now I will surely share it so that you can have a look.....

Peace !

[Otsana]

Thank you for the review. If you do decide to share the song I would love to read it but you might have to send a request to my inbox because I think I have turned off my read requests to catch up on everyones work because I've been away a while.

[Baban.A.A]

well I usually review the works I read esp in my way. I truly liked it; it was short, good point, meaningful, bravely waiting for fate. I can tell by the tone that it is full of sorrow and misery. memories are what keep us alive without which we may be just mindless just as birds. I trust human race owe god for giving them that precious gift which is life long memories, but the point is is is worthy to keep every one, is it save to call everything memory, I doubt it. good work and best luck.