One Clean Slice

One Clean Slice

Oh,

Im sorry.

Do you find me to be

Cold?

Rude?

Harsh?

Can you feel the hard shield that I hold in front of me?

I can see that it angers you.

That you take stab after stab,

To no avail.

It makes no sense, really.

Have I ever taken a swing at your own covering?

Have I ever drilled into your protective shell,

The way you drill into mine?

I'm quite sure

That if I pulled back my shield

For a mere millisecond

You'd climb through the window of opportunity

And make one clean slice

Through my flesh.

Reviews

[Anjali]

Thank you for sharing this poem that highlights the truth and honesty.

[Haneefah]

One clean slice. The title is striking and the message is wonderfully relayed

[barleygirl]

This is one of the most brilliant extended metaphors I’ve read in awhile. I’m very impressed with the way you develop your weapon & shield imagery, building up sensations of strife & defensiveness to a crescendo as the poem goes along. You describe one of my older sisters perfectly & I never really noticed how much this is happening between us until I read your poem. I am on defense so solidly we have not been able to interact in almost a decade. In our growing up family home we learned to slice & dice each other into bloody pieces as a way of being funny & familial. It wasn’t until I got into my 50’s that I finally decided this is not what I call love. Your poem has really opened a door for me & I hope I can write the way this feels in my family someday (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[SilverInk]

I'm so glad you were able to relate to and understand the poem, Margie! Best wishes to you and your sister~

[Najam Us Saher]

I like the tone of this poem. The irony and cold voice feels just true and honest. Good job.

[SilverInk]

Thanks so much~

[Najam Us Saher]

You're welcome.

[KCthelastboyscout]

Your guard is up.maybe you been hurt before and that pain is still still lingers.wonderful writing.after reading this, it stays with you

[SilverInk]

I'm glad you liked it~

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! great stuff says i ...this is a piece of life not usually written of from such a perspective ..when the shield is up its not always such a negative thing...but something to be protected by others just as if it were an exposed bloody stump ... we heal when we recede sometimes ..in fact most introverts are like that and need that time of reflection ...nobody allowed ;) i like this a lot ... smart and real ... thanks for sharing!
E.

[SilverInk]

I'm glad you liked it!

[Hatter]

This is good, I can definitely think of some people who are like that. Its relatable.

[SilverInk]

Thanks for reading~

[The Iron Horseman]

Whoever this is about, it sounds like you don't need them in your life! This is certainly a clear hard look at a relationship that leaves the reader in no doubt about your feelings. Very nicely expressed in a very concise format. Well done, Silver.

[SilverInk]

I´m glad you liked it!