This Mountain of mine

My 2nd poem

I slowly look up

Amazed at what I see

A very tall mountain

Standing up to me

 

I break down the journey

One step at a time

Carefully selecting

Each rock I must climb

 

I tire half way

No strength to be found

I stop to admire

All the beauty around

 

I imagine the view

From atop this huge beast

Now I know what to do

My weakness has ceased

 

I continue my climb

My goal is up there

The view that I seek

And that fresh mountain air

 

I reach the top

All the world I see

This mountain now

Smiling back at me

 

I open my eyes

From the dream in my head

New day begins

I rise from my bed

 

Amazed at my dream

Quite different than some

This mountain you see

I’m often falling from!

Author's Note

Thank you for all your kind comments and good suggestions!!

Reviews

[JenLyn]

I don't mind if poems rhyme or don't rhyme a forced rhyme is what can hurt you but this seem natural and the flow was nice. I loved this piece to me it was like a metaphor of life and how you want to reach a goal but you have to take each step carefully and individually that you can't conquer all your dreams at once, because you're afraid that you'll miss a step and fall (therefore your dreams fall with you) and the ending was awesome as well because I think most of us can relate to that dream of falling from a cliff, I know a little about dream interpretation and to dream that you're standing on the edge of a cliff means that you've reached a new level of understanding and a new point of view in your life, (which to me the poem is kind of like that) it can also mean that you are making a decision in your life and if you dream that you are falling then it suggests that you are dealing with something difficult or afraid of what the future holds. So to me this poem is like one of those dreams and you've described it perfectly.

You take each step carefully as not to slip and lose your dreams but then you wake up to realize that you have reached that mountain top and that all of your dreams have been or will be realized. A superb write! Keep it up! :) 100/100 for originality and creativity. :)

[Tina Kline]

I really enjoyed this and like it. It made me think hiking those harder trails up the sides of mountains but this mountain in the dream could be about anything tough in life and letting you know you can accomplish climbing that mountain, just keep trying!

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

wonderful write:)

[Ice QueenJen]

This is great how you let the reader travel up the mountain along with you, stop and see the sights and trek on. I started out writing poetry that rhymed, then one day I ventured into not doing it. Sometimes it works when other times it doesn't. I also like the way you let the reader know that you have altered your dream, maybe something in your life occurred to cause this- instead of falling off you are going up!
You are good- so keep writing!

[deeps]

This is so wonderful and amazing.
I like this write alot.

[Tate Morgan]

I loved it

[Frantzuu]

wonderful write, The first stanza says a lot, this representation of a mountain could be anything, it could be you finally finding the courage to stand up to your own self. I like this a lot because people can look at it in many different ways.

[Jacqueline Lopez]

This is really nice. Makes me want to go hiking. I also enjoyed the rhyming.

[Manda]

this was wonderful!