This Mountain of mine

This Mountain of mine

A Poem by Silere
"

My 2nd poem

"

I slowly look up

Amazed at what I see

A very tall mountain

Standing up to me

 

I break down the journey

One step at a time

Carefully selecting

Each rock I must climb

 

I tire half way

No strength to be found

I stop to admire

All the beauty around

 

I imagine the view

From atop this huge beast

Now I know what to do

My weakness has ceased

 

I continue my climb

My goal is up there

The view that I seek

And that fresh mountain air

 

I reach the top

All the world I see

This mountain now

Smiling back at me

 

I open my eyes

From the dream in my head

New day begins

I rise from my bed

 

Amazed at my dream

Quite different than some

This mountain you see

I’m often falling from!

© 2010 Silere


Author's Note

Silere
Thank you for all your kind comments and good suggestions!!

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I don't mind if poems rhyme or don't rhyme a forced rhyme is what can hurt you but this seem natural and the flow was nice. I loved this piece to me it was like a metaphor of life and how you want to reach a goal but you have to take each step carefully and individually that you can't conquer all your dreams at once, because you're afraid that you'll miss a step and fall (therefore your dreams fall with you) and the ending was awesome as well because I think most of us can relate to that dream of falling from a cliff, I know a little about dream interpretation and to dream that you're standing on the edge of a cliff means that you've reached a new level of understanding and a new point of view in your life, (which to me the poem is kind of like that) it can also mean that you are making a decision in your life and if you dream that you are falling then it suggests that you are dealing with something difficult or afraid of what the future holds. So to me this poem is like one of those dreams and you've described it perfectly.

You take each step carefully as not to slip and lose your dreams but then you wake up to realize that you have reached that mountain top and that all of your dreams have been or will be realized. A superb write! Keep it up! :) 100/100 for originality and creativity. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Cheers! You did a good job, no need to worry that you didn't. Overall I think I iked the very last two lines, "This mountain you see, I'm often falling from". I think that that section reminds the reader that there are metaphoric mountains in our lives, and often times we find ourselves unwilling to even try to climb them and get past them... so we fall... in your poem - you did it, you made it to the top.

Something Bad: I know you're just starting out, but how did you feel on top of the mountain? What did you smell, what kinds of sounds were there? You already have imagery - but you want the reader to be able to feel the aching from the climb as they read, you want them to feel, see, hear, smell, and taste everything you do.

Something Good: Like I said in the beginning of the review, I like the idea of finally making it up the mountain. It's a beautiful idea. Another line I enjoyed was, "A very tall mountain, standing up to me" that was a great image, honestly as I writer I am never at a loss for words, but here I'm finding it difficult - I'll give it a shot, it's like the mountain knows your struggling and so it's "standing up to you" as a test of your own determination.

Keep writing,
Melissa.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

good write..like it


Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it, for its simplicity, in thought and in word. And I often feel the same way, upon waking....Nice job.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this was good. it speaks to mr about being determined to reach ur goal. :) I loved reading it!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Just like the journey of life. The journey is the reward. Nicely captured.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow the flow, meaning, and ryhming was good, i love it!

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The poem flows well and the rhyme is good. I happen to be one who likes a good rhyme. :) I like the message. The beginning can be taken as life and its challenges that we face. Reminds me of the saying, "I think I can". The ending is fun. It can be taken a few different ways. I like this. Nice job. Keep up the writing! :)

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow I felt like I was on there. nice writing

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is one of those dream-time poems that seem to be straighforward, finely created, good metre and all that;. then, the reader begins to see its different layers, because almost every stanza points towards a moral. But, have to admit the ending surprised me, made me laugh actually - because how often do we try and try, then, find something making us lose our footing.

Dreams so often have a way of continuing a sequence of thought, the restless mind moves on or back or side to side. Whatever you meant with this, it really builds into a fine piece of writing.

It's great to discover a new poet in the Cafe.. thank you.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 10, 2010
Last Updated on April 20, 2010
Tags: mountain beauty dream strength

Author

Silere
Silere

FL



About
I'm new to writing. I will make many mistakes along the way. I welcome all comments. I have a passion for Vampires, Werewolves and fantasy stories. I don't write poetry often..but when I get stuck, I .. more..

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