This Mountain of mine

My 2nd poem

I slowly look up

Amazed at what I see

A very tall mountain

Standing up to me

 

I break down the journey

One step at a time

Carefully selecting

Each rock I must climb

 

I tire half way

No strength to be found

I stop to admire

All the beauty around

 

I imagine the view

From atop this huge beast

Now I know what to do

My weakness has ceased

 

I continue my climb

My goal is up there

The view that I seek

And that fresh mountain air

 

I reach the top

All the world I see

This mountain now

Smiling back at me

 

I open my eyes

From the dream in my head

New day begins

I rise from my bed

 

Amazed at my dream

Quite different than some

This mountain you see

I’m often falling from!

Author's Note

Thank you for all your kind comments and good suggestions!!

Reviews

[JenLyn]

I don't mind if poems rhyme or don't rhyme a forced rhyme is what can hurt you but this seem natural and the flow was nice. I loved this piece to me it was like a metaphor of life and how you want to reach a goal but you have to take each step carefully and individually that you can't conquer all your dreams at once, because you're afraid that you'll miss a step and fall (therefore your dreams fall with you) and the ending was awesome as well because I think most of us can relate to that dream of falling from a cliff, I know a little about dream interpretation and to dream that you're standing on the edge of a cliff means that you've reached a new level of understanding and a new point of view in your life, (which to me the poem is kind of like that) it can also mean that you are making a decision in your life and if you dream that you are falling then it suggests that you are dealing with something difficult or afraid of what the future holds. So to me this poem is like one of those dreams and you've described it perfectly.

You take each step carefully as not to slip and lose your dreams but then you wake up to realize that you have reached that mountain top and that all of your dreams have been or will be realized. A superb write! Keep it up! :) 100/100 for originality and creativity. :)

[Theresa]

I love the underlying meaning this poem has. How you speak of climbing a mountain in order to reach your goal but in reality you are just climbing the mountain of life to the goals you have set for yourself. And sometimes you fall on your way to the top but you just have to wipe yourself off and start again. Really enjoyed this, Nicely done.

[Havatara]

Second poem? Are you serious? I loved it. I'm sort of confused about the last stanza and what you meant by it, but that's just me. Anyway, I loved the picture you painted with your words and I don't think you could have done much to make it better. Very well written and I hope you continue writing.

[Emily]

This is a nice piece. The flow is catchy and very well done. the rhyming is not my favorite, but you make it seemed as though it is not forced, as the rhyme scheme's words are well chosen and very well executed.
I like the idea of this journey. So many times in our lives our dreams help us realize where and how we need to move forward.
The one suggestion I do have is to correct the tense shift in the 2nd to last stanza fourth line. You hav switched to "Rose" instead of "Rise" you're talking in present tense throughout the whole piece, and thusly, it should be you rise, as it is present tense, and rose is past tense.

Very nice piece, i hope you've had a really great set of dreams about this journey! Very nice write!

[Halkhend]

good

[vixen :)]

Who cares if it rhymes I love it! It's a really nice poem. :) Very creative. Good work :)

[Miss Coral]

I too am a poem-rhymer. :) As long as it isn't forced, it actually adds to the flow, in my opinion. This piece had great rhythm, and was done really well. Couldn't tell you were new. Great job!

[A]

Oh I LOVE this! I love the meaning behind this piece too, the imagery, your descriptions. I love how natural the rhyming is. It is definitely not forced. Another great poem! :)

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

Very nice job. Especially "I open my eyes From the dream in my head" Beautiful inspiring words. I enjoyed this.

[ReversingEvolution4TheB..]

The rhyming kept this poem rhythmic, and it compliments the 'baby steps' topic. I'm looking forward to reading more of your writings as you have natural talent. Write on!

[Awakening]

I enjoyed reading your poem! The flow was amazing and I agree with J. Brooks comments 100%..the metaphor is a like a reflection of our lives and the challenges we all face. Keep on writing and sharing!!!