This Mountain of mine

My 2nd poem

I slowly look up

Amazed at what I see

A very tall mountain

Standing up to me

 

I break down the journey

One step at a time

Carefully selecting

Each rock I must climb

 

I tire half way

No strength to be found

I stop to admire

All the beauty around

 

I imagine the view

From atop this huge beast

Now I know what to do

My weakness has ceased

 

I continue my climb

My goal is up there

The view that I seek

And that fresh mountain air

 

I reach the top

All the world I see

This mountain now

Smiling back at me

 

I open my eyes

From the dream in my head

New day begins

I rise from my bed

 

Amazed at my dream

Quite different than some

This mountain you see

I’m often falling from!

Author's Note

Thank you for all your kind comments and good suggestions!!

Reviews

[JenLyn]

I don't mind if poems rhyme or don't rhyme a forced rhyme is what can hurt you but this seem natural and the flow was nice. I loved this piece to me it was like a metaphor of life and how you want to reach a goal but you have to take each step carefully and individually that you can't conquer all your dreams at once, because you're afraid that you'll miss a step and fall (therefore your dreams fall with you) and the ending was awesome as well because I think most of us can relate to that dream of falling from a cliff, I know a little about dream interpretation and to dream that you're standing on the edge of a cliff means that you've reached a new level of understanding and a new point of view in your life, (which to me the poem is kind of like that) it can also mean that you are making a decision in your life and if you dream that you are falling then it suggests that you are dealing with something difficult or afraid of what the future holds. So to me this poem is like one of those dreams and you've described it perfectly.

You take each step carefully as not to slip and lose your dreams but then you wake up to realize that you have reached that mountain top and that all of your dreams have been or will be realized. A superb write! Keep it up! :) 100/100 for originality and creativity. :)

[Lorraine]

A meaningful poem with an inspirational concept. The symbolism of achieving dreams and goals were accurately done which make it an agreeable piece.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Joanna Maharis]

Great imagery. Youi do a great job with taking your readers on a journey, and in allowing them to share in the narrator's experience.

[zogzog]

i like this....

[Bette]

i like this i think yu could add to this "dream" well done

[truth]

The ups and downs of life and times we must rest and then move on keeping in sight the end game. This is life and you have gently captured this so well. thanks for writing this and sharing it

[Sasha]

This poem is excellent but your thousands of fans have already emphasized that and I'm sure anything I say would be redundant. :P

[LynLee]

OMG i laughed at the last end, this is truly a poem i would love to see in a book, that sense of adventure that happens in dreams is truly said out in this poem. well job!

[Livenrite]

Wow! A great piece! you're a natural... I really liked how you compared it to a huge beast! Keep up the great work! Don't stop writing you've got talent there.

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

Extremely nice rhythm and flow. The last line gave me a twinge, as it ended with a preposition. This is not an offense to grammar (in modern English), but as a child I was conditioned to never end a sentence that way.

Overall...well done.

~True

[deadly healer]

hehe. loved the last line. i fall often and can deffinately relate. awesome.