This was a great write it flows well and the rhyme scheme it nice. I enjoyed reading it, unlike some poems about seduction etc. this one had speed to it, it didn't drag so it made you want to read it even more. If you're into vampires you should check out my poem "Love Letter To A Vampire" but honestly I think your poem is better. Good job! Keep it up! Oh and as far as learning and getting better all it takes it practice, and reading other poetry helps as well, so write until you feel like your hand is going to fall off. I look forward to reading more of your writing. :)
I loved this poem. It's great. I'm a huge True Blood fan. Great show on HBO about vampires and supernatural beings. Also the show Vampire Diaries. There's also a British show called Being Human. About a vampire, werewolf, and a ghost.This poem has great relation to these shows and the idea of vampires and the seductive fearful bite.
Overall, seduction isn't really my thing. Just as Jennifer said, the rhyming scheme is simple and nice, you'd be better off to experiment with different writing schemes as a new writer. Try not to stick to the same 'ol theme.
Something Bad: I think this was a great try for you, I don't think it was your best - seeing your potential in the Mountain poem I reviewed just yesterday, I think you could do a lot better than this. Don't forget to separate stanzas to help the natural rhythm of the poem, unless of course you intentionaly leave it that way, with short poems its easier to get away with.
Something Good: For an attempt I think you did pretty well, I'm not a fan, but as a fellow writer you've definately captured what you wanted with the poem. The imagery was good, there is some emotion in there. I also like that it's sort of suspenseful, you know that the bite is coming, you just don't now when.
I loved it! I've always sort of wondered what it would be like from their point of view, but I never really thought about it. You displayed what would happen through some amazing verse. Very well done.
I'm new to writing. I will make many mistakes along the way. I welcome all comments. I have a passion for Vampires, Werewolves and fantasy stories. I don't write poetry often..but when I get stuck, I .. more..