All Ive Got

A Story/Poem that comes from a song by The Used

All that I’ve Got

Inspired by

The Used

I couldn’t believe he was walking away from me. He couldn’t just leave me like this, he needed me and I need him that was it no if, an, or, buts about it… us. We were meant to be.

So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me
off guard, red handed
now I'm far from lonely

Tears left my eyes as he walked, this was it suicide was going to be my only friend tonight. I watched as Steven made it around the corner street, the fall wind was horrid and damp. How I wish we would be walking home together, hand in hand, heart in heart. Just to lie down on the bed and not worry about my dad hitting me tonight. But it wasn’t that easy anymore.

Asleep, I still see you lying next to me
so deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...
I need something else
would someone please just give me

But that didn’t work; I walked in my hell, my home, my prison to find the vodka bottle on empty. The place reeked of sex, drugs and money, something I was never going to accept. I heard my dad yelling at my mom, her crying, her pain was all too real, she was my protector but I guess not tonight. I just wanted to die know that I was going to be alone. Dad saw me as I stood in the kitchen defenseless since Steven wasn’t in my life. Dad didn’t mess with Steven he stood up to my dad and that made me feel safe.

Hit me, knock me out
And let me go back to sleep
I can't laugh
All I want inside I still am empty
So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me, I...

As my dad hits me, kicks me and rapes me I know I will be alright. I’m losing a lot of blood, is the end in sight? It can’t end like this and ill pretend that everything is fine if tonight ever ends.

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I don’t go back to school until 3 weeks later, the bruises and black eyes are not hard to miss. I scream as someone hits me, I seen you come running, I’m thin, scary thin, I’m battered and broken. This is what happens when you walk away we have been here 3 times already, third time’s a charm right.

I guess, I remember every glance you shot me
Unharmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat
I squalled so hard
I stopped your heart from beating
So deep that I didn't even scream
I..

It happens again the next couple of days, the tortured glances from you. The memories that stay in my eyes the reason you left me. I suck it up but things are getting worse, but I pretend that everything is fine. The abuse mental, physical and sexual gets worse, I can’t see no light in sight. How can I go on, the things that have went wrong but I act like nothing wrong. I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not… You can see the pain.

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

I try to hold on to hope it’s the only thing I got.

And it's all that I've got
Yeah, it's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got
It's all that I've got

Slit my wrist; take my life, end this all tonight. Music screams from my room, I wrote you a letter telling you how much you mean to me and the song that we shared will always be in my heart. Send you a text telling it this is the end tonight, you write nothing back.

So deep that it didn't even bleed and catch me
so deep that I didn't even scream

You’ve come too late I’ll be just fine pretending I’m not. I wrote this line to make you see me. I died tonight. I was broken without you took me own life, but I’m better than I thought I would be.

[Chorus:]
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got
I'll be just fine
Pretending I'm not
I'm far from lonely
And it's all that I've got

And it's all that I've got
yeah all that I've got

I have you with me. Together in heaven we are, holding hands, talking on the beach. You’re all that I’ve got.

Reviews

[Daniel J Darcey]

This is rather sad. Personally I would have fought back. You don't need to to strong to fight. Just quick. But I guess for a guy we tend to fight back against something like this. Yes guys suffer a similar scenario. But anyway it's a well written short. Thank you for sharing.