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This story is based a true relationship between two men who love each other but sometimes don't know how to express it. Many mistakes are made but in the end, love wins.

I grew up in the rich city of Naples in the beautiful country of Italy. When I turned 10, my parents decided to move to America for a change of scenery. I loved living in Italy but the more time I spent in my new home in the suburbs of Connecticut, I learned to love this country as well. My childhood was great, my school life was just as good. Nothing to complain about. Once I graduated high school, I went straight into the military. I was in the Navy for 4 years. I loved it. Even after being wounded and being honorably discharged, I still wanted to fight for this country. After 2 years in the Navy, I went to the police academy for a few months and became a police officer. I felt like a soldier fighting a domestic war. What bothered me about being a cop was the fact that the war is DOMESTIC. Well anyways, it's the middle of February and I've only been home for almost two months. I'm still getting used to "civilian life." During this short time, I will tell you how my life changed completely. 

MY best friend of 6 years knew all of my secrets, including the fact that I'm gay. She helped me come out to my family after my second tour in the Navy. My family was very accepting and very supportive. Made me feel more confident about myself and not be afraid of telling people who I am. After I came back home, I noticed that my emotional behavior changed. I'm more closed off and distant from the ones I love. Don't get me wrong, I will do anything to protect my family and tell them I love them but I couldn't see myself opening up to anyone anymore. One thing the Navy taught me was to be tough. Any sign of weakness and the enemy will take advantage. I guess I took that lesson into the real world with me. After two weeks of being home, I met a guy online. His name is Carlos. He was the first person I talked to on an intimate level in 2 years. Unlike other online experiences I've had, and most people have had, this conversation wasn't about wanting to hook up or talk dirty. We were two guys who truly needed someone to talk to. We both needed a friend. What ended up happening was something we never saw coming. We fell hard for one another. 

Three days have gone by and I've opened myself up to this man. Not completely but more than I have with anyone else, other than my best friend. He shared his life story with me and I shared my military life with him. I knew he wanted me to be more open but it's easier said than done. In the beginning, the conversations were easy and great. As time went on, I knew he wanted more but I wasn't ready to give myself up just yet. He deserved honesty from me but all he got was excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't give him this or why I couldn't give him that. I didn't want to hurt him and I knew that he didn't need a complicated man in his life but I just couldn't see myself without him in my life. The feelings developed quickly and it scared me. I never thought that I would be one of those people that fell in love so hard and so fast. I always judged those who did but I guess until you experience it yourself, no one should judge anyone about how fast they fall in love. 

It's now day 7. All we do is argue now. What changed? I don't know. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was him. Maybe it was the fact that I couldn't give him everything he needed. We live 2 hours apart. I could easily get in my car and go see him but I don't. Why? Hell, I'm still trying to answer that my damn self. It's not that I'm afraid to show him me, maybe I'm afraid that once he sees my personality and behavior up close, I will lose him. But that can't be the only reason. I was trained to be tough so why am I acting like a b***h? I keep telling myself, and him, he deserves better. I shouldn't get involved with someone right now. I'm too damaged. Broken. Robotic. He actually said that to me. He said that I show little emotion. That the Navy turned me in to a robot. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am a robot. Someone unable to love. But I love him so why can't I show him that? Too many unanswered questions.

Day 13 and the arguing is getting worse. We try to sever communication between us both but it's hard. We try numerous times and each time has failed. We can't stop speaking to each other but we both feel like we should. This isn't healthy. Three days ago, I under went surgery to finally remove the bullet that was lodged in my chest. The bullet moved while I was on duty. It was now one inch away from a major artery. Possibility of the surgery resulting in death was very high. Did you think that a risky surgery like that would stop the arguing? I thought so too but it only got worse. The arguing became stressful and made the healing process even longer. We needed to separate from one another but it's easier said than done. 

Day 17 and I realize that I need to make changes. I made myself put distance between us so we can evaluate everything that has transpired. We both realized that we needed to make changes in our behaviors. I started getting help for my PTSD and I'm actually feeling better. I picked up writing again and I started opening up to my family. He and I started to talk like we used to in the beginning. We both still love each other even if the majority of the relationship consisted of arguing. I guess we both needed to love each other the right way. 

I know this journey isn't over and quite frankly, I'm glad is not. I would like to see where this new beginning take us. Maybe he's the one I needed to push me into the direction of seeking help. I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. 

Author's Note

This is based a true relationship I witnessed. The story is being written by the narrator himself since facts are better written by someone who actually went through it. He promised that he will update the situation as it progresses and write more.