A Tainted Love

How can love ever be real with people like you?

You walk, talk and scream… but most of all you trust

People, the ones you know, and sometimes those you don’t

They may make you feel safe for a while or do something you admire

Therefore you never retire, in the sense of pride… walking you’re content

Talking in your sleep, you prevent. Ever realising how you interfere

When love volunteers, and enters your life

Courageous and happy you are, but you’re not seeing the hidden truth

The broken mirror of your youth

Outrageous and silly you can allow ourselves to get, you’re unaware

That everywhere, our hearts are lying. They’re speaking and dying.

But you’re too in love to realise how you’re damaging us.

Your family who never make a fuss

We simply sit back and watch how you can forget us, silent we hush.

Author's Note

Spare of the moment write :/, improvements?
Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[Mark]

Though as another reviewer noted, it is not a sonnet, it is nevertheless a lovely thought, and well expressed, if in a style unique to itself...and what, after all is wrong with that? I was particularly taken with your technique of hiding the rhyme of each couplet within, rather than at the end of the subsequent line. If you are interested in exploring the sonnet (one of my favorite and frequentest forms), with an eye to composing one or more, I will gladly send you links to a few of mine posted here. Thanks to Dean for recommending you to me.

[Ragin Cajun]

very good, keep them coming!!!

[olla]

geeze.. I wish my spare moments were as productive.. well done..

[MoriartyMesa]

I liked this, no need to improve or fix it, your the mistress of your own Universe and this is great as is.

[Laura Maidah]

I found the dots your real only flaw. UK writers on this site are really particular poets. The dots add an extra halt, like a staggering breath, ragged phonetically. The first line and the last couplet is sort of transcendental and immutable. The tone is kind of static and fixed, and that really does it for the whole theme. I love the "talking in your sleep" line. Very prosey touch. I actually have an article out called "Sleepwalking, Sleeptalking". Your lines are reminiscent of that. Nice! A client of mine actually might like your poem. I'll show it to him.

[FJ Davis]

Apparently, a poetic criticism of the consistently uncritical; the ever-ardent, mush-headed, perennially-in-love schmuck--or so, at least, it seems to me.
A truly unique bit of work!

[w]

I like this for a couple of reasons, the emotion and the potential. I think punctuation and proper capitalization will improve this greatly. Also not so sure about the left align.

[Coyote Poetry]

Many thoughts in the poem. I like the many directions your went. Started with truth and ended with family.
"That everywhere, our hearts are lying. They’re speaking and dying."
A very interesting poem.
Coyote

[A Jainam Mehta]

Well written.

[marytownsend]

Very beautiful! The gentle flow of words concluding with the "silent we hush" is like water flowing gently. Great writing!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

I love it. I screams the truth. You never realize the pain that may come until it's there, hanging over your head.